It's what really matters...

SG: Customers have not been happy that we went several weeks without a water machine although they love the new one... but there has been many requests for a tea/coffee one, especially off the men who wait there for a while...

Those bad bad men

Cust: men should not be allowed downstairs, its disgusting and inappropriate!!

(later on to another staff member)

SG: sooo... a few ladies have complained to us about having men in the waiting area. one was not happy that we had 7 men there when she came down the stairs. She said it should be a woman only waiting area...

I demand free stuff?

Written in a comments book...

"Please include sports bras in your loyalty scheme!! If you did then the exercise levels would go up and we would all need to buy even more new bras which will make your business more profitable!
Also it would show a commitment to the health and life styles of all us Booby Babes which would be great as it would show continuous commitment to your brand ideologies.
p.s - I spend a fortune here, throw me a break here!!!
Thanks and Regards"

Make it quick!

EM: I’ve made a boo – boo

JE: Oh my god what have you done?

EM: so I’ve booked you in for a fitting now and you have another one at quarter past…

JE: wait, what’s the time now?

EM: just gone ten past

JE: you nob! So I’ve got four minutes to do a fitting… uuuuurrrrgh ok…

EM: ooopsy

 

Do my eyes deceive me?

“The dress that was shown in the picture is well above the knee. When the parcel arrived I was very surprised to find that when I tried the dress on it was so short! I don’t want to see my knees!

Yes, a dress that is shown to sit above the knee, horror of horrors, does sit above the knee!
 

Soap Nuts

(Cust comes in for a fitting, has requested JJ)

JB: Oh hello Julie, I’ll just get JJ for you

(JJ comes out to take the cust through)

Cust: You’re not JJ?

JJ: I am?

Cust: You dont look like the lady I saw last time, she was called JJ

JJ: I am JJ

Cust: she had short blonde hair

(JJ stands there looking confused as she does have short blonde hair)

JB: Let me get JH to see if you recognise her…

Customer: Are you Judy?

JJ: No…

Cust: Does ‘soap nuts’ mean anything to you?

JJ: No…

(JH comes out)

Cust: ‘Soap nuts’?

JH: Oh yes!
 

Anatomy fail

MR: The biggest spider ever ran across my living room floor last night. it stopped in the middle of the room and looked at me. They do have eyes don't they?
EM: What? Spiders? Yes...
MR: It was sat there on my polished floor and I was too scared to move, it was hilarious
EM: I see...

I'm sure she will understand...

Cust: I know exactly what I want. I want a plunge. I need to tell you that I have asthma so I can't have them too tight
MO: Ok
Cust: I'm also breastfeeding five times a day
MO: Oh right, how old is she?
Cust: 18 months
MO: Ah, so are you stopping soon?
Cust: I need to have a discussion with her about that, she's too young to understand so I'll wait until she's two
MO:...I see...

Jumping to conclusions

JB: Your customers seems really simple
FH: She's not simple! She's deaf!
JB: Hmmm, a bit simple too...
FH: No, no, not simple, just deaf!

You don't believe me do you?

EM: How can I help?
Cust: I want another one of the bras I had before
EM: Ok, is it the last one you bought and when you bought it did someone log your details?
Cust: Yes
EM: Ok, lets have a look

(EM has a look and finds the bra that the customer had before)

EM: You had that in white, do you want the exact same thing?
Cust: Yes
EM: Lovely, I'll go and get that for you

(EM goes and gets the bra in white, just as the customer asked for)

EM: Here you are!
Cust: Oh, I didn't want it in white I wanted black...
EM: Right... I'll go and get that for you

(EM runs off to get the black version)

EM: Sorry about that, here's the black one
Cust: Thank you

(Cust goes up the stairs, gets half way and comes back down)

Cust: I don't think this is the bra I had before, mine had three hooks on the back
EM: That would be the GG and above sizes that have three hooks
Cust: Ive just had to throw out all the ones I've been wearing as they are falling apart and they had three
EM: I can show you your records so you can see the last one you bought
Cust: Yes

(EM brings up the customers file)

EM: Here we are, around a year ago you bought this one in a 34G (shows cust the tag on the bra she has in her hand) which is the same code. Back in 2011 at around this time you had one in a 34GG and again same time but in 2010 you had a 32H. So this one is the most recent size you have had
Cust: I've had lots of different sizes, maybe I should just get fitted for one as I don't know what size I should get as the ones I have had three hooks and this only has two...
EM: Ok, let me see when they are free for you

(She ended up with the 34G...)