Words

Phrases to make people cringe...


Moi: moist clitoris
EA: moist menstrual clitoris, do you like the word moist?
LH: (grimaces and shakes head) no!

EA: moist clitoris
JT: tepid clitoris

Moi: moist clitoris
JT: wet, damp clitoris
EA: damp!

Hole

'danger! Danger! I've got a hole'

Moi: did you get that hole from last night?

Thicko thursday

Last fitting wanted a re-fit because the bra she had sparkled underneath her sheer top when she had her photo taken with a flash.

I phoned up to EA to ask her if she was serious. EA just laughed.

Cust then said she wanted a 'nude' nude bra for this top, I explained to her that she is likely to see any bra under a see through top. I brought her the porcelain bra and she put it on. It didn't fit no matter what cup size tried. I told her that it's probably why she was given the other one. She asked for some others and couldn't quite grasp that because the were made out of the same material as her original one they would do the same thing.

She then asked if I had a see through top for her to try the bra with. I explained that we only had a dress which would be low enough or she could drape a cardi over her. 'so you haven't got a top then?' she said.

I got the dress and offered the solution of her putting it on backwards so she could see the bra through it, which she chose to do. However, rather than just putting it on and pulling it over the cup to see she tried to zip the dress up and then wondered why it was tight over her tits.

I then had to take a photo of her in the bra, which even though wasn't shiny, was a lot paler than her skin tone, still showed. She decided that it was ok, even though the top she had was pale blue and not quite as see through as the black bow dress.

After that all I could say was WTF! Some people are
unbe-fucking-lievable!

We all heard...

Man waiting on the sofa decided to fart really loudly. LH and the girl waiting on the other sofa both heard and looked at him.
He just sat there and carried on reading as though nothing happened...

Luckily it didn't smell

Where were you looking?

Cust: I'm looking for balcony bras, I only saw this one style up stairs...

(I get 5 for her in the size she wanted)

Moi: I've got all these balcony ones and there are a lot more for you if you need them
Cust: oh right...

Pretty

The lights are up!





MR told me that the 'welcome to...' lights had a bit of an issue earlier on when they were first tested... When switched on for the first time, the lights read 'welcome to sex street'

Secret costs...

A nice news article on BBC 'also in the news'

"A woman was overcharged while buying fruit and vegetables from a Jersey supermarket - because the shop assistant's breasts were resting on the scales."

LOL!

Bus!

EA sees lights from a double decker bus coming round the corner...
EA: hood-ja hood-ja hood-ja... (it's not the bus she wants)

Fuck...

Oops

Old woman has a fold up seat at the bus stop, she picks it up and shuffles onto the bus, she's about to step on and she drops the seat...
Moi: oh Christ...
EA: your a bad human being...

What's on there?

EA: ok well i will start hoovering then
Moi: and theres a pair of bollocks in there (I point at the booth)
EA: there's some bollocks in there?
Moi: actually i said a pair of bollocks, it's that fa14...

Thoughtful

Thanks to the lady in costa who told me today that she made my usual coffee ready for me in the morning on Friday the 12th but I didn't come in to get it because I was on holiday. She also said she was glad I was back. I guess takings were down!

Lazy

There was a cust today who wanted a fitting, GB buzzed it down and said that she was in the upstairs room, waiting.

Moi: is she able to come down?
GB: she's in the upstairs room and she doesn't want to come down
JH: oh Jesus...
Moi: okaaaay... Can I take her name?
GB: barbara.
JH: big Barbara
Moi: Barbara ball bags for brains...


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You decide for me

Lady is trying on the plunge tankini...

Cust: is this the right size?
Moi: it's sitting how it should do and your not bulging out...
Cust: I'm used to the one that has a bra in it and comes across, should I try a bigger one?
Moi: if you want to
Cust: is this the right size?
Moi: it's doing what it's designed to
Cust: maybe I should try the other size
Moi: let me go and get it
(cust tries cup size up)
Cust: this has more coverage
Moi: it's a little loose on the top of the cup but if you want more coverage then its better
Cust: is the other one better?
Moi: it's not as big at the top
Cust: I can't tell much difference, ok well it's down to what size to take (looks at me)
Moi: well from what you have told me, you want more coverage so I would go for the one your wearing
Cust: ok!


Jesus! Epic! Repeating myself much!?

A mere servant

Lady comes in early for a fitting she booked earlier on as she is now meeting friends at her appt time.

Moi: I'll just get your fitter
Cust: (starts to walk through) oh, so your not a fitter?
Moi: not today, I'm here making sure everyone is where they should be (I go get MR)
MR: hello, I'm your fitter
Cust: hello, I've had you before and your still wearing that dress
MR: don't worry, I haven't worn it every day since then...

Lost

Josephine, MRs fitting asks why we need her name as all she wants to do is get measured.

After fitting MR directs her upstairs to pay.

She then comes back down stairs and says 'that's that sorted, now how do I get out?'
I have to inform her that it's through the door on the ground floor. 'this keeps you fit!' she says as she goes back up the stairs and then asks GB where the door is...

Slave

Cust wants to buy a top with glittery bits on the shoulder. Asks me to roller it for her before she buys it as it has some fluff on the back from the cardi we have.


Would you like me to wear it for you as well?

Coat

JJ has a nice fluffy coat, which JT rubbed herself up against in the staff room and told me to tell JJ that she was having sex with said coat

Dog...

Funny scenes today as two pcso's tried and failed to catch a loose dog.

"Maybe it doesn't like being chased by the police?" Someone quipped
"who does like being chased by the police?" I replied

Why?

We talked about this for a great length yesterday...

If you have both hands uncovered and it's cold, why does your smoking hand freeze and your other hand is only a bit chilly?

Aaand discuss...

Creepy

JT was getting the trees in and was stopped by someone who looked like santas dirty brother...

Man: where's the leopard bikini gone?
JT: it's still there, we've just swapped it
Man: I love walking past here looking at that.
JT: ok...
Man: I like to imagine all the women I know wearing that...
JT: right...
Man: (long pause, obviously storing something up for his wank bank)

JT runs inside with a tree...

Toilet

KB: did you hear about the woman and the potty?
JT: nooo...
KB: this womans kid said she needed a wee and this woman said 'ok then' and got out this contraption for her and put it right by coordination.
Moi: she didn't move herself out of the way or anything...
KB: and this thing you can wee in and it soaks it up, right?
Moi: yeah I've got one.
JT: not for here!
Moi: no but it's like the gel in always pads at the bottom and it soaks everything up. It really stinks of talc and you can also have a shit in it and just tie it up and throw it in the bin...
KB: wait, theres shit in the bin?
Moi: yeah.
KB: notice my horrified face at that...
JT: THERES SHIT IN THE BIN!

Repeat that?

KB: what is the 'what the fuck' budget for?

You like it then?

JT: I want that new mq bra, when I saw it I came a little...

Later...

Moi: what was it that JT said that was funny?
KB: I know.
JT: I don't!
KB: about the mq bra...
JT: oh yeah. Jizzy jizzy joo joo!

Lol

Sea life

KB: I can be the crab
Moi: I can be a jelly fish
JT: I can be a fish.
(JT does an impression)
Moi: it's a bit bent?
KB: oh I missed it! Can I see your fish!?
JT: ok then (pretends to lift up her skirt)

Sunny

EA: I need to put some makeup on as I look pasty
Moi: I alway look pasty even with foundation
EA: really? (pointing at me) I thought the sun always shone on your face?
Moi: (laughing) this is all blog fodder. It will make me smile on a gloomy day!
EA: how can it be gloomy? The sun always shines in EM town! Didn't AS take the piss for you being orange?
Moi: no, that was when I came back from Alton Towers and I looked black apart from my strap marks and she freaked out that I was going to die of skin cancer...
EA: oh yeah I remember!

Just funny

Nothing really to do with work but this made me laugh...







What not to do with persil washing gel...

Has someone actually done this and then complained? Are we actually perceived as this stupid!?

Needs no intro

Wear spanxs and your nipples fall off!




Maybe that's what the blue tac one was for???

As if we don't see enough of the real thing

Someone made a blue tac nipple. Who was it?!

New pigeon!

Need to think of a name for this newbie other than 'the scrawny looking one'

Answers on a postcard...

Attractive

VG: EM!
Moi: yes?
VG: what have you given me?
Moi: someone with very limited english?
VG: yeah! Shes stood there in her bra and tights and she's got this massive hole in the front!

What they say V. what they mean

VG: why? does she think she's shit? (as opposed to got the job)

VG: she had the cally in pink and the massive thong (really meant to say matching)

Insults...

EA: you smell like poo perfume...

EA: you put the ass in assistant manager. Could be worse, you could put the man in assistant manager. Where as I put the super in supervisor...

EA: I did a VG face earlier...
Moi: which one?

Where are you?

(while working out who is going to be doing what)

VG: so KB is in this lady?

I'm off

KB: I'm just going to have a swiz upstairs...

What time is it?

KB: it's been knob o'clock for the past three hours...

Fish

EA belches
KB: that was an EM special
EA: that was a...
EP: taste your lunch?
Moi: smell your lunch...Decomposing...
EP: (to me) you look like a fish...
Moi: when?!
EA: all the time
(lots of visual swearing all round)

Quick come back

MO: look at these big ones you just can't hang them
JO: why would you have big boobs?
MO: cos your born with them, why do you have a small willy?
JH: MUMMY!
(raucous laughter from all apart from JO)
JO: you'll be glad I didn't actually hear you...
Moi: MO your naughty...

Still nothing?

Cust who has the most horrendous moustache on a female you have ever seen and a monobrow to match. One of tho things that you look at when talking to here and thinking 'still haven't sorted your face out' and 'hasn't any of your friends said to you DEAL WITH IT!'


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What's our name?!

Cust: is there a bra-massi-mimo in London?
KB: yes in oxford circus and in covent garden... Also on line as well..
Cust: I'll look on my Mac book tonight!


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Shame it didn't work...

KB trying to scan the bras through at the customer just wanted to try on...


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Say what?

Customer came in asking for the panache 'inferior' bra....
(I'm sorry what did panache call their bra?)


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Nice imagery

Woman looking at the Frankie bra with her partner...
Man: yeah, that's nice, like pebbles on a beach...


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Top

Cust: there's a top on the website that I want to try and it says in stock now.
KB: let me just find out for you
Moi: we haven't had that one in store yet, but it means that it's in stock at the warehouse if it says online that it's in stock now. We could mail order one for you
Cust: but I want to try it on and I don't know what size I want
Moi: you could try on a different jersey top to find your size?
Cust: ive had a cardigan, would that be the same size? Also so why does it say it's in stock when it's not?
Moi: it's because the warehouse gets the stock first and then it gets sent to stores, where as if you order it online it comes straight from the warehouse...
KB: if you want I can get the size that you had in the cardigan, In another top for you to try?
Cust: ok
KB: what size did you have?
Cust: i dont know thats what i want you to tell me
KB: what dress size do you take
Cust: 16
KB: and what bust size?
Cust: I don't know
KB: (pause) ok, well we could start with a 16 c/r and start from there

Later KB came back up and told me that they cust had tried the alternative top on and said that it fits but she didn't like the fabric as it wasnt vey flattering and asked KB what the fabric of the other one was like. KB had to explain again to her that as we hadn't had it in store yet we didn't know if it was the same fabric or if it was lighter, thicker etc...

Hard work... And now our collective brains hurt...


And low and behold the top was in a box we had here all along!


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Any colour...

Cust: I want any colour you have of this
Moi: ok well we have petrol, pink, black, white and nude.
Cust: I don't want black or white...
Moi: ok... *forced smile*


Later on...

Cust: I want this in a 40GG
Moi: is it just nude you want?
Cust: anything that won't show under white
Moi: (this lady is quite dark skinned) we do have it in a pink if you want to try that?
Cust: ok let's try the pink
Moi: (writing it down) ok, just take this downstairs and KB will be able to get this for you
Cust goes down and I then hear he saying to KB 'wheres the nude one!?' as well
KB: oh ok, she didn't write that one down...



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Lost

Meeting last night went on longer than anticipated. JT's mum had phoned her 16 times and also got her boyfriend to phone the slug to see if she was in there.
After he spent some time describing her he also mentioned to the bar staff where she worked, to which they replied 'oh yes! We know those girls and none of them are in here'

None of them??? 1- how many of us do they know? And 2- are we that bad we are memorable when were in ther?

Our reputation preceded us!



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How?

Moi: how did MR get her in a 40?
JH: with great difficulty...
KB: was it like this...
(KB and I do a synchronised 'knee in the back and pull' action)
JH laughs
KB: aww that was awesome!