Cust: oh! I didn't see that bump from behind there!
AH1: Hahahaha
(Upstairs)
Cust: is that lady downstairs pregnant?
AH2: what one? (A cust for a maternity fitting had just gone down)
Cust: the lady with the blonde hair (AH1)
AH2: no, she's not
Cust: oh! Oh god, I'm so embarrassed!
AH2: yeah...
Monday, 20 May 2013
Description crisis
Oh the joys of words being used to describe something completely wrong...
It brings tears of joy to LITBD's eyes.
A full cup. Plunge...? It either covers your tits or it doesn't. LITBD is going for the latter...
Another full cup. Because this completely covers you and would be so obvious under v-neck tops. Or would it...
Only half of her boobs are covered... LITBD could draw a boobs covered/boobs uncovered pie-chart type thing on here but that would imply the people reading this are as dumb as the website it came from expects you to be...
It brings tears of joy to LITBD's eyes.
A full cup. Plunge...? It either covers your tits or it doesn't. LITBD is going for the latter...
Another full cup. Because this completely covers you and would be so obvious under v-neck tops. Or would it...
Only half of her boobs are covered... LITBD could draw a boobs covered/boobs uncovered pie-chart type thing on here but that would imply the people reading this are as dumb as the website it came from expects you to be...
So special
(Cust and her mum come in at about 11am)
Cust: do they have it?
Custs mum: they do! (picks up a bikini) do you have this in a 32FF?
EM: yeah, did you want to try it on?
Custs mum: yes please
EM: sure... (goes to look for a pad to write the item down)
Cust: I'd like to book a fitting
EM: sure, for what day?
Cust: today, but now if I can as I have to catch a bus so I need to be quick. The thing is I've been measured before and I'm a 30FF here but I've been to Debenhams and I can wear a 32FF so I'm confused...
EM: yep, all bras fit differently so you won't just be one size so that's why
Cust: I just want to be measured again so I know what size I am
EM: ok, I'll go down and get the bikini top and find out when the fitters are free
Custs mum: is there a top as I can't find one here
EM: I'm going to get it from the stock room for you
Cust mum: oh, you have more
Cust: shall I wait here?
Custs mum: you can wait down stairs
(Down stairs)
EM: ok, I'll be back in a second
(In stock room)
EM: have I got a fitter free?
JH: I can do it
EM: she's not got a lot if time (JH goes to the door to take her through) and she's a bit of a retard, sorry
JH: oh thanks...
(EM gets the bikini for the mum and overhears the cust telling JH about being confused)
JH: all bras come up differently depending on the brand so you won't just be one size...
Cust: yeah, I'm just confused about it so I want to find out
(Later, in the stock room)
EM: how's it going?
JH: you didn't lie did you?
EM: huh?
JH: about her being a retard
EM: oh! Yeah... Are they in a rush?
JH: their bus isn't until 12:30...
Cust: do they have it?
Custs mum: they do! (picks up a bikini) do you have this in a 32FF?
EM: yeah, did you want to try it on?
Custs mum: yes please
EM: sure... (goes to look for a pad to write the item down)
Cust: I'd like to book a fitting
EM: sure, for what day?
Cust: today, but now if I can as I have to catch a bus so I need to be quick. The thing is I've been measured before and I'm a 30FF here but I've been to Debenhams and I can wear a 32FF so I'm confused...
EM: yep, all bras fit differently so you won't just be one size so that's why
Cust: I just want to be measured again so I know what size I am
EM: ok, I'll go down and get the bikini top and find out when the fitters are free
Custs mum: is there a top as I can't find one here
EM: I'm going to get it from the stock room for you
Cust mum: oh, you have more
Cust: shall I wait here?
Custs mum: you can wait down stairs
(Down stairs)
EM: ok, I'll be back in a second
(In stock room)
EM: have I got a fitter free?
JH: I can do it
EM: she's not got a lot if time (JH goes to the door to take her through) and she's a bit of a retard, sorry
JH: oh thanks...
(EM gets the bikini for the mum and overhears the cust telling JH about being confused)
JH: all bras come up differently depending on the brand so you won't just be one size...
Cust: yeah, I'm just confused about it so I want to find out
(Later, in the stock room)
EM: how's it going?
JH: you didn't lie did you?
EM: huh?
JH: about her being a retard
EM: oh! Yeah... Are they in a rush?
JH: their bus isn't until 12:30...
Phone call
(Cust on the phone)
Cust: I need to book in my daughter for a fitting. She needs your shop I think as your a specialist for bigger bras?
EM: yes, we specialise in normal back sizes just bigger cup sizes
Cust: good, that's what she needs
(EM books the daughter in)
Cust: do you know of a specialist shop for small bras, I'm the opposite of her
EM: there's not any specialist ones here
Cust: oh, I need small bras, you would have thought there would have been
EM: what size do you wear?
Cust: I'm a 32B
EM: I think pretty much every other lingerie retailer will stock that size
Cust: oh, I get what your saying...
Cust: I need to book in my daughter for a fitting. She needs your shop I think as your a specialist for bigger bras?
EM: yes, we specialise in normal back sizes just bigger cup sizes
Cust: good, that's what she needs
(EM books the daughter in)
Cust: do you know of a specialist shop for small bras, I'm the opposite of her
EM: there's not any specialist ones here
Cust: oh, I need small bras, you would have thought there would have been
EM: what size do you wear?
Cust: I'm a 32B
EM: I think pretty much every other lingerie retailer will stock that size
Cust: oh, I get what your saying...
Money shot
Oh Avon... Bra so small it's being pulled off her boobs and you didn't photoshop out the extra pair of pants she's wearing under the ones for the set...
Thursday, 9 May 2013
Squinting
Cust: I can't find my size, do you have more?
EM: yeah
Cust: how does this work? Shall I just point them out and tell you my size?
EM: sure
Cust: I'm a 34F and want to try... (puts her face four inches from the catalogue) this (points at the Melrose) in black and this in white (points at the Faye) I'm after something with thick straps...
EM: Fantasie tend to have thick straps
Cust: and a rounded shape
EM: ok, do you want me to have a look in the stock room for some others too?
Cust: yeah
(EM goes and gets some while the cust is trying on some tops)
EM: (knocks) I've got your bras
Cust: thank you. I've also seen this one (points at Alana) and (puts the catalogue up to her nose to look at a bra, the Gem) is this the bra I asked you for before?
EM: nope, but I'll go and get it for you
EM: yeah
Cust: how does this work? Shall I just point them out and tell you my size?
EM: sure
Cust: I'm a 34F and want to try... (puts her face four inches from the catalogue) this (points at the Melrose) in black and this in white (points at the Faye) I'm after something with thick straps...
EM: Fantasie tend to have thick straps
Cust: and a rounded shape
EM: ok, do you want me to have a look in the stock room for some others too?
Cust: yeah
(EM goes and gets some while the cust is trying on some tops)
EM: (knocks) I've got your bras
Cust: thank you. I've also seen this one (points at Alana) and (puts the catalogue up to her nose to look at a bra, the Gem) is this the bra I asked you for before?
EM: nope, but I'll go and get it for you
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Taking the piss
(EM comes upstairs just as JB is helping KG with a damaged return)
JB: the only thing I can think of it that it's stretched too much and ripped... (JB forces the wire out) how has it been washed?
Cust: everything goes into a 30 degree wash in my house
JB: ah... That might be why all our bras are handwash only
Cust: if I'd have known that I wouldn't have bought anything from you
JB: it's all wired bras are handwash. The heat from a washing machine can also melt the plastic on the wires and that's why they come out too
EM: (closes the return summery to look at the purchase date as its a really old bra) November 2011?
JB: yeah, I have said that
Cust: I would have expected that it would have a guarantee. I'll write to your head office
EM: ok. All our bras state hand wash only on the care guide on the labels
JB: I think it would be best to leave you with EM as she's in charge...
EM: because of the age of it, from 2011 and it's heat damaged ordinarily we wouldn't exchange it. However, I'm happy to do it this once today. In future anything this old or in this condition we wouldn't swap or refund again...
Cust: I'd like to exchange it, do you have another one?
EM: we don't because its so old...
JB: the only thing I can think of it that it's stretched too much and ripped... (JB forces the wire out) how has it been washed?
Cust: everything goes into a 30 degree wash in my house
JB: ah... That might be why all our bras are handwash only
Cust: if I'd have known that I wouldn't have bought anything from you
JB: it's all wired bras are handwash. The heat from a washing machine can also melt the plastic on the wires and that's why they come out too
EM: (closes the return summery to look at the purchase date as its a really old bra) November 2011?
JB: yeah, I have said that
Cust: I would have expected that it would have a guarantee. I'll write to your head office
EM: ok. All our bras state hand wash only on the care guide on the labels
JB: I think it would be best to leave you with EM as she's in charge...
EM: because of the age of it, from 2011 and it's heat damaged ordinarily we wouldn't exchange it. However, I'm happy to do it this once today. In future anything this old or in this condition we wouldn't swap or refund again...
Cust: I'd like to exchange it, do you have another one?
EM: we don't because its so old...
Wednesday, 1 May 2013
What I mean is...
Cust: how do you get any help down there? There's no one around...
EM: oh, there are ladies down there, they're possibly helping other customers. I've phoned them to let them know you were going down...
Cust: I can't wait. I've been waiting ten minutes already...
EM: oh... Ok then...
(Later)
EM: did you see the big fat lady, cropped grey hair, green coat?
VG: yeah, has she gone?
EM: did anyone help her? She's walked out after saying she's been waiting ten minutes
VG: what the actual! She was propped up by the desk and I asked her if she needed any help and she said no!
EM: she said there was no one down there...
VG: she said no and then I asked the woman right next to her and got her stuff... Oh, maybe I asked her if she was being helped... Either way what ever she said was telling me she was fine and didn't need me
EM: well, she's gone, because she couldn't wait anymore, for the help she was offered... What a knob
VG: I hate people!
EM: oh, there are ladies down there, they're possibly helping other customers. I've phoned them to let them know you were going down...
Cust: I can't wait. I've been waiting ten minutes already...
EM: oh... Ok then...
(Later)
EM: did you see the big fat lady, cropped grey hair, green coat?
VG: yeah, has she gone?
EM: did anyone help her? She's walked out after saying she's been waiting ten minutes
VG: what the actual! She was propped up by the desk and I asked her if she needed any help and she said no!
EM: she said there was no one down there...
VG: she said no and then I asked the woman right next to her and got her stuff... Oh, maybe I asked her if she was being helped... Either way what ever she said was telling me she was fine and didn't need me
EM: well, she's gone, because she couldn't wait anymore, for the help she was offered... What a knob
VG: I hate people!
Check and double check
Cust: I want a tango balconette in white in a 36GG, two of them
EM: (checks for her) we should have three in stock so I'll get two for you.
(EM goes and gets them, then puts them on the till for her while she takes her details)
Cust: I just want to check you've got the right size. I don't want to get home and find they are wrong... (She checks the tags) ok... (She folds them back up) I just want to check they are both balconettes... You'll probably hate me... (She checks the tags)
EM: they are...
Cust: ok
EM: (checks for her) we should have three in stock so I'll get two for you.
(EM goes and gets them, then puts them on the till for her while she takes her details)
Cust: I just want to check you've got the right size. I don't want to get home and find they are wrong... (She checks the tags) ok... (She folds them back up) I just want to check they are both balconettes... You'll probably hate me... (She checks the tags)
EM: they are...
Cust: ok
Just pay
Cust puts a dress on the till...
AH: have you shopped with us before?
Cust: no
AH: if I can just take a few details to set you up on the system, it just means that if you want to return it then everything is there already for you
Cust: (sarcastically) can't I just pay for it?
AH: yes, of course
Cust: (with more sarcasm) thank you...
AH: have you shopped with us before?
Cust: no
AH: if I can just take a few details to set you up on the system, it just means that if you want to return it then everything is there already for you
Cust: (sarcastically) can't I just pay for it?
AH: yes, of course
Cust: (with more sarcasm) thank you...
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