Who?

KM: can you give these to the last upstairs? She's wearing a flowery tunic, I don't know if she's pregnant. She got a (puts her finger under her nose) a tankini and she's with her mum who has got (makes an 'ok' sign over one eye) glasses.
EM: ok, so she's got a moustache and her mums wearing a monical...

What's she looking for?!

EM: I need a fitter!
FH: ok
EM: cool, she's called Francesca and she's looking for... FUCKERS!
FH: she's looking for fuckers?
EM: I just walked into the lockers. She's looking for fuckers and new bras...
FH: wow, ok... Do you have Tourette's?

That girl from Coronation Street...

She thinks this showed off her curves...





To be fair, it almost shows her nipples...
Has she not looked at the rest of the range from Agent P? They are not designed for women with boobs...

What do you want?

MO: so is it just a sports bra?
Cust: and something everyday
MO: ok, did you want something wired?
Cust: no, I find wires make me hot.
MO: right, so do you want a soft cup for everyday?
Cust: I usually wear a sports bra for everyday
MO: so you just want a sports bra...

Are you sure you wearing that size?

(EM gets the cust a bra in the size and style that she has asked for)

Cust: Is that actually a 23E?!
EM: (checks the tags in front of the cust) Yes
Cust: It's not like my bra, there no cup to this...

Evacuation woes

(MR is alone in the small stockroom, but over heard in the main one while picking up the fire evacuation notice)

MR: What would we do in a fire? It would be the easy way out... Better than another ten years of this... I wouldn't make it up the stairs in time...

Aint that the truth

MR: I hate goodbyes, unless it's husbands

Spelling bee champ

EM: That soup spells like ravioli
MR: Tomato-ee
EM: Yeah and herby
MR: Alphabetti Spaghetti
EM: The best pasta based food
MR: Helped me become a wordsmith
EM: Spelling things on the edge of the plate
MR: 'Fuck off Mummy'

Be mean, get mean...

Cust: Can I have these in a 34F?
(Cust hands over a wired bra, a sports bra and a nursing bra and glares at EM)
EM: ok, sure

(In stockroom)

EM: Do I get her the nursing bra or the soft cup?
FH: Ooooh... Tough... I don't know
EM: She's a bit of a bitch... I'll give her the nursing one, thats what she picked up
FH: Mean!

(Later)

Cust: (has the nursing bra on) Do you think this will be supportive for sports?
EM: (pauses) No, not compared to sports bras
Cust: Oh, ok

(Later)

Cust: Can I ask you something?
EM: Yeah
Cust: (shows EM the nursing bra) What are these straps for? (straps that join the top of the cup to the underband)
EM: They are for when you unclip the cups, they keep the strap over your shoulder
Cust: Why?
EM: ...Because it's a nursing bra...
Cust: Is it!? So it's only for pregnant ladies?!
EM: Yeah...

Listen to teacher

Cust: (has a multiway on as a halter neck) I'd like to try a different colour strap for this bra as the idea is there but it doesn't look good with this white strap showing
EM: This bra comes with clear straps
Cust: Does it?
EM: Yes, they are on the bra
Cust: (looks at a completely different bra) I can't see any
EM: They are in the bag on the the bra
Cust: (starts patting herself down) Really?
EM: Yep, they are attached to the bra
Cust: Oh yes!
(she found them...)

What colours do you actually want?

Cust: (points at picture of a bra) Do you have this?
EM: Not in that colour anymore, It's from last year
Cust: It's the bright pink one now isn't it?
EM: We do have it in black and ivory
Cust: Mmmmm... I'm looking for a set... in a 30GG, the pink is a bit bright...
EM: Were you looking for something pale?
Cust: No, I've got two plea ones and I've got this (bright purple and aqua bra)
EM: Ok, I'll go and have a look
Cust: I need to have matching pants for them
EM: ok

(EM goes off to look and finds 3 bras with matching pants)

Cust: Iv'e got this one already (oriental print bra) That ones a bit dark (black with lime and teal flowers) and I've got one of these in a different colour and to be honest it doesn't fit (navy with pink blossom)
EM: This is a completely new style
Cust: I don't like the colour
EM: Were you looking for something pale?
Cust: I don't know...

Leave your shit everywhere

Cust: I tried a bra on downstairs, but I don't see it on the shelf?
HS: We only have a few sizes of each style out so the one you tried on is probably the only one we have in that style
Cust: Oh
HS: Did you want it?
Cust: Yes
HS: Is it downstairs?
Cust: Yes

Look at things first....

Cust: I want to return this bra as the back is discoloured...
EA: It's because it's a different material, thats why it's a slightly different colour...
Cust: I know, I've washed it...
EA: You know I can't exchange this as they are all going to be the same?
Cust: I want a refund then
EM: I can see if we can do it as a goodwill gesture. We shouldn't though as they are sold as seen
Cust: I know, if you could though. I don't usually buy white bras and if I'd have known

(Later)

EA: Is her vision impaired?!? The dumb bitch!

I don't need help...

KM: Can I help?
Cust: No... I'm just thinking

Marks & Spencer's needs to die

EA: your fitting has just been to Marks & Spencer's and had a bad experience
GC: Oh, ok...

(later, in the stockroom)

GC: She was wearing a 38D and it was awful. I put her in a 38G, perfect. Marks & Spencer's told her she was a 40DD...
EM: What the fuck!?!

Pregnancy panic buying

(In the stockroom)

MR: This girl wants a nursing bra and a sports bra, she's tiny, she doesn't look like she's had a baby!
EM: Maybe she's pissed on a stick an decided she needs a nursing bra

Does size mean nothing to you?

Cust: I'd like to exchange the (bikini) top in there, it's a 38HH
EM: Ok, what size were you looking for?
Cust: Well, that one was huge... I usually take a 34H bra so a 34 or even a 36...
EM: H?
Cust Double H
EM: did you want to try it on?
Cust: the other one was huge but because I'm big everywhere else it will be fine. So either a 34 or a 36
EA: (over hears and offers to get the top) H?
Cust: HH
EM: (to EA and the cust) We have a 36 but not a 34 at the moment
Cust: that will be fine
EM: and you don't want to try it on?
Cust: no
EM: Ok...

Missing the point

(Cust is trying on a moulded t-shirt bra in a 36E, EM checks it, its a bit small in the cup so she offers to get a bigger size)

EM: what about this one? (Fantasie Rebecca, also a moulded t-shirt bra)
Cust: It's a bit big
EM: Do you want me to get you a different size in that one?
Cust: No, I don't really like it because its moulded. I prefer thins one as it's a normal cup...

(think she meant that its a full cup and thats why she didn't like it)

Great minds think alike

HS: Whats the 'Aruba' bikini?
EM: I have no idea... (checks the website) Its the diseased one!
HS: I've just seen it...
HS + EM: (in a long drawn out voice) Diseased...

In demand

EM: Customer services are on the phone for you...
HS: Why me?!
EM: Because you picked up the phone first...
HS: Everyone wants a piece of me! Can you get my lady the Serene in a 34g?
EM: White?
HS: And nude... Wheres the phone? What phone?!?
EM: Upstairs...
HS: Upstairs?! Bloody hell!

Me no listen...

EA: Urgh, there's a huge fucktard upstairs. I said to her that there are more sizes in the stockroom and asked her if she needed anything, then she said "I want this but you don't have it in my size..." for fucks sake! Listen!
(EA goes to the rail to find what the cost want)
EA: And lo and behold! Here it is!
JH: Are you going back upstairs?
EA: Yeah, I've got a retard...
JH: Good effort! You got more out of her than we did, we've all had a crack at her...
EM: Had a crack?!
JH: I've had a couple of pops at her, JJ has had a pop...

Are you calling me fat?

EM: have I got a bruise on my back?
EA: (not looking) is this a trick where I'm really going to look at your bum?
EM: no, really, do I have a bruise?
EA: you have a tattoo... And what looks like the start of a stretch mark...
EM: great, I have a... Fat back... (sung to Justin Timberlakes 'sexyback') I've got a fatty back...
EA: YEAH!

Lazy

(EA in kneeling on the floor, sellotaping a box up)
EA: oohhhhhh, can you pass me the scissors... (pouts)
EM: (raises her eyebrows and points to the floor, right next to EA) what, those ones right there?
EA: oh yeah! I'm soooo organised!

Excited

EA: not only do I get to see Joss Whedon in the flesh I also get to see the guy from Sparticus!
EM: who?
EA: have you lot never seen it?
EM: nope
EA: your love it, boobs, cocks and blood... Everywhere...
EM: what... That just sounds like sex on your period...
(KM laughs hysterically)