Overheard

Not strictly work related but LITBD couldn't help herself

"did your dad slap your willy?"

"he would break your clitoris"

"what's the longest you have had a wank for? Six hours? All your veins are popping out..."

"I haven't had sex in six weeks..."
"what have you been being doing? Wanking?"
"all day"

"so when your in Zante you have to shag loads, with each other"

"YES! Bring on the family love!"

I didn't mean that

(talking about KM's sexual exploits)

EM: when I was talking about sags... What?
JT: sags!
NM: sags, that's not a nickname you want!
EM: I meant to say her sexual exploits but it all rolled into one!
JT: alright sags?
KM: ohhhhhh!

Sad times

(EA comes into the stock room and hugs EM from behind)

EM: awww... What's up? Fatties getting you down?
EA: (nods) yes...

(EA fitted five really large ladies in a row)

Worries

KJ: why don't people listen! I hate it! You tell them how stuff works and then they ask you again!
EM: I hate it when you ask them what size they take round their waist and what size they take on their top half and they then say 'I'm usually a 34FF, what size would that make me?'
KJ: your size is deaf and stupid...
EM: your size is the least of your concerns...

Rain

(HS and EM are stood by the till)

HS: is it still raining?
EM: I think it's stopped, there are no massive splashes going on
HS: (walks to the door) there are many massive splashes...
EM: (goes to the door) oh yeah... I've got a brolly...

(EM and HS are stood outside the store, brollies up)

HS: not raining, hey... And your wearing canvas shoes, good fucking luck with that!

Forgotten

HS: (to cust) of you take a seat your fitter will be out soon
(in stockroom)
HS: JJ you have a fitting waiting
JJ: ok, I'll be there in a minute, just let me put these away

(JH leaves to go home, JJ says goodbye and then carries on putting bras away, she then goes out the front 20 minutes later)

Cust: I've been waiting here! Someone said someone would be coming out here!
JJ: oh, I'll just get her

(in stockroom)

JJ: who is actually co-ordinating things? There's a quite rude woman just come out of the fitting rooms...
HS: me... And I have both the phones!
JJ: she was told someone would be coming out...
HS: oh, I'm sorry
JJ: it's not your fault she's rude...

(later, in the stockroom)

HS: so the woman has been sat there for a good 20 minutes waiting for JJ to take her through for a fitting...
EM: so JJ went out there told her she would get someone and she was the person...
HS: I did tell her that she had a fitting but she got chatting to JH and forgot... Now the woman is really fucked off...
EM: oh shit...

What's in a name?

KM: I'm still considering joining a hockey club
EM: oh yeah, there's that mixed one that meets on a Sunday...
KM: yeah the... I want to say nimrods... But that's not the right word... What do you call people who move around a lot?
EM: nomads?!
KM: that's the one!
EM: look at all these African nimrods! Gypsies, They're quite nimrodic...

Two minds think alike

HS: what's the 'Aruba' bikini?
EM: no idea... (checks the website while HS checks the rails) ITS THE DISEASED ONE!
HS: yeah, I just found it
HS+EM: (really slowly and at the same time) diseased....

Phonecall

EM: customer services are on the phone for you
HS: why me?!
EM: because you picked the phone up first time
HS: everyone wants a piece of me... Can you get my lady the serene in a 34G then?
EM: in white?
HS: in nude and white ideally... Err, where's the phone... What phone are they on?
EM: upstairs...
HS: upstairs?! Bloody hell!

Ocean

EA: I'll take Bonnie through then...
EM: (sings) 'my Bonnie lies over the ocean...'
EA: nooo... Bonnie's huge...
EM: (sings) 'my Bonnie fits over the ocean...'
EA: yea, I was gonna say...

I'm not psychic or playing charades...

Cust: I'm looking for a bra that's (points to in between her boobs) you know, comes down under tips so you can't see it (pulls down her top to show EM the middle of her bra)
EM: a plunge?
Cust: yes that's it!
EM: what size?
Cust: 32HH
EM: ok, what colour are you looking for?
Cust: well I wear black...
EM: ok, we have this one (shows her the Satine) and we also have this one (shows her the Lucine) or if you wanted a bit of colour we have this one (shows her the yellow Thea)
Cust: ok, I like the first one
EM: ok, let me check for you
(EM checks the computer)
Cust: I like this one (picks up a pink spotty one) and this is quite low (a bright flowery one)
EM: ok... (checks for the others)
Cust: shall I try these on and then someone will bring them to me?
EM: I've got the codes, if you take this down then they can get them for you while you try on
Cust: ok, thanks!

(later)

Cust: there was a black bra, I want to see the pants for it...
EM: it's just here
Cust: what styles does it come with?
EM: (picks up all the bras) there are thongs... (picks up a handful of pants so she can see the briefs, there are three left hanging up so she can see them) and their are briefs...
Cust: oh, don't you have my size?
EM: what size is that?
Cust: a large...
EM: (checks the handful she has, it's the first pair she looks at) here you go...

Wasting my time

Cust: I have an appointment at 10:20...
VG: ok, if you want to go downstairs there is a fitter waiting for you
Cust: I'm just going to have a quick look
VG: ok
(five minutes later)
VG: there is someone booked in straight after you so if you go downstairs your fitter is waiting...

(later, at the till)

EM: hi, are you ready?
Cust: yes. Now (holds up the Alana) you didn't have this in black so I would like to order it
EM: ok... (takes custs postcode and puts the order through, in the meantime the cust has wandered off looking at another bikini)
Cust: you don't have this in my size? (comes back to the till) what size did I have in this one?
EM: a 30HH... (EM looks up the code of the bikini she's already buying)
Cust: no I don't think you do... (puts other bikini back)
(EM finishes putting the code of the custs bikini in and reaches over to get the code of the bikini the cust is looking at now)
EM: we should do
Cust: do you? You could wear plain black bigger bottoms with this couldn't you? It's a shame they don't do bigger bottoms (stood right next to bikini) how much is it?
EM: (struggles to reach over the till to check the price) £36
Cust: no, I'll leave it. I thought it was going to be more expensive than that. I've got some black bottoms at home but I need to check the condition of them.
(EM finishes the sale)
EM: that's £88 for those (wraps up the bikini)
Cust: is the bra in there?
EM: the one we have ordered?
Cust: no
EM: you want the nude one? (the one she showed EM)
Cust: yes
EM: ok, that brings it to £111
(cust pays and EM picks up some other bikini bottoms in a 8 to put back out)
Cust: oh! Those are small bottoms! Oh my!

I'm not wrong

Cust: (whispering) I usually have a 34H in this (holds up a white Tango II) but it's feeling a bit big in the cup so I would like to try a 34GG
EM: ok, do you want it in white?
Cust: I'd prefer nude but I couldn't see any others up there
(they are behind the white ones)
EM: ok, I'll go and have a look for you...

(EM comes back, gives her the bra and she tries it on. Later)

Cust: your right, it's too small, can I have a fitting?

(How is EM right? Why doesn't she just try a H?)

Your friends a bitch

Cust: is it true that if your nipples are lower than where the bottom of your boob starts that you have saggy boobs?
FH: everyone's boobs are different...
Cust: my friend told me that, is it true?

You wear it?

Cust: what is this?
FH: it's the Alana bra
Cust: but what's it for?
FH: it's an everyday bra
Cust: what does that mean?
FH: you can wear it... everyday....

Dumping a box

If you don't get out of the way of the box, you are the box...

Her face!

EM: I've got a fitting for you
MO: ok
(EM then tells her the custs name etc)
MO: alright
EM: but...
JJ: I knew there was something!
MO: what is it?!
EM: she's got a cough, when she said her name she made this cough noise after
MO: right...
EM: and her skin...
MO: she doesn't have a neck?
EM: no... You can see the outline of a chin...
MO: she has a line where it's supposed to be?
EM: yeah, it looks like blamange...

(MO goes to take her through, when she calls the custs name, MO coughs, because EM said the cust did it. JJ also comes to have a look at her. Then, later in the stockroom)

MO: her boob tissue is like her face tissue!
EM: ewwww...
FH: what?
EM: she's got a blamange neck, it just hangs off her face...
FH: oh like 'gobble gobble'?
EM: (laughing) yeah!

What has happened lately?

EM: anything funny happened recently?
KM: not really...
HP: I can go and insult a customer... From behind a mannequin?
KM: ha! It's got to be spontaneous... (thinks for a bit) we haven't called BT a nazi in a while...

I think she's missing something

Tents

Most of these go down to a 28 back, and are showing up in stock. At Figleaves.com it seems everyone is a 36!




















(this one is not too bad but it's the face that got LITBD all excited)

Frankentits v. Normal tits

God bless Caprice and her square boobs that don't remotely fit into any of the bras she puts her name to...

Frankentits



Normal tits




Frankentits



Normal tits




Frankentits



Normal tits




Frankentits



Normal tits




Frankentits



Normal tits




Frankentits



Normal tits




Frankentits



Normal tits




Frankentits/corpse bride/looks like shes too stoned to care



Normal tits





These all came from the treasure-trove that is Figleaves.com...
Even they knew that these fitted so badly that they had to include other shots of the bras.

I'm special

(EM walks into the stockroom, EA is there putting bras away)
EA: (sings to EM) we'll always be together, together in electric dreams!
VG: (overhears) OI! Are you saying that to everyone?!
EA: yeah, your not special...

How could you not know

BT: (comes into the stockroom) I've completely forgotten what I came in here for...
EM: bras, swimwear, nightwear, sports bras, nursing bras, clothing...
KM: zyklon b?
EM: what?
KM: the gas
EM: what?
KM: you know, the gas
EM: but what?
KM: the nazis...
EM: yeah, but what gas?
KM: (confused about EM apparently not knowing about the holocaust) the nazis gassed people...
EM: what gas...
KM: in aushwitgz!
EM: I know that! What has did you say! I didn't hear you!
KM: oh! zyklon b!
EM: that's what I was getting at! I wasn't saying 'what!?' like I didn't know it never happened!
KM: oh dear... I was getting worried!
EM: if anyone heard that I would have sounded like a right twat!

Tally up fail

(computer said there should have been a £25 gift voucher, EM couldn't find it, then EM moved)

Dog shit in the mail required

(JH has been helping an American cust who has asked for a bra that we don't have, JH then goes into a fitting and gets EM to come out and check on her)

EM: hello, did you need some help?
Cust: (in a really shitty tone of voice) I'm waiting to see a bra...
EM: (slightly taken aback) right...
Cust: (interrupting, still in a shitty tone) the primrose
EM: Ok... (looks around to see of anyone else is there who knows what she is after) sorry, I wasn't here earlier...
Cust: someone should have told you as I've been here 10 minutes
EM: sorry, what size were you after and I'll go and check?
Cust: 38e
EM: ok, I'll go and have a look in the stockroom
(EM goes and checks, we don't have it. It's the same bra JH told her that we don't have earlier. EM grabs a similar style and a random size primrose for her to see)
EM: we don't have that size in stock so I brought this which is the same style and also just the primrose in a different size if you just wanted to see it
Cust: I've seen it in the magazine so I know what it looks like... What I want is a pale pretty bra but I want you to be quick, I know it's not your fault, as I've been waiting ten minutes (points at her wrist) have you got a catalogue so I can show you what I want?
EM: I can get some out of the stockroom now if you want?
Cust: no, I know what I want. So if you have a catalogue...
EM: do you have one in there?
Cust: no
EM: ok, I'll just grab one...
(EM gets it and then cust points out two that she wants)
Cust: and any others that are in there
EM: ok, sure
(EM finds 6 bras for her and hands them over, cust starts to shut the door before EM has started to say anything. Cust then leaves, doesn't say anything to either EM or JH as they say goodbye to her. She then goes upstairs and cried on the shop floor saying that she had never had such appalling service, after EA calmed her down and gave her some sweets she decided she was 'just being silly')

NO LOVE, YOU'RE JUST BEING A BITCH.

My requirements

Custs needs-
I want something like this (moulded plunge) because I like the shape, and I like cleavage because otherwise you just don't feel girly...

EM gets-
Moulded plunge in a size that fits her

Custs response-
I don't like this as I don't feel safe in it, I like balconettes for everyday...

EM gets-
Moulded balconettes

Cust response-
I feel shelf like in these

Cust needs-
A strapless bra that lifts me up

EM gets-
Freya deco strapless

Custs response-
This isn't lifting me up enough

EM suggests-
Wonderbra strapless

Custs response-
I tried one of those and I was being squeezed out all over the place... It comes down so far and is so rigid, it feels like when you get trapped in a lift... It's so hard, I want something softer...


SOMETHING SOFT THAT'S GOING TO PUT YOUR BOOBS UNDER YOUR CHIN!?

Take your time

EM: this woman takes about five minutes to put in a bra as she does it up at the back and pulls it round
KM: really?!
EM: I swear, it's because she's got blubber... The cups keep catching on her fat and she then has to unhook it to heave it round...
KM: oh god...

(EM later did the maths... She averaged out at taking 7 minutes to put on a bra...)

Missing the point

(EM walks to the booth where a woman is standing right in front of the computer with a handful of bras)

EM: are you dropping any off?
Cust: no, I'm going to buy one if that's ok?
EM: sure, are there any that your not buying?
Cust: yes, loads
EM: shall I take them?
Cust: can I leave them with you?
EM: yes...
Cust: lovely! I've got these two. (hands over two bras) and this should be a 30FF, this is the one I want (hands bra over anyway) and these are all 32E, that's what I usually wear... Does this come in any other colours? (holds up a nude Freya Deco)
EM: yes, it comes in black and we might have a denim blue colour here...
Cust: ...no white?
EM: no, I'm afraid not...
Cust: (stares at EM for a few seconds) there not discontinuing that one are they?
EM: no
Cust: but there isn't a white?
EM: no
Cust: and it's... What is this one? (cust looks at the labels) a Freya?
EM: yes
Cust: do I pay upstairs?
EM: yes...