Monday morons

JT: how does it feel?
Cust: I don't like the colour
JT: right... Shall we try this one?
Cust: ok
JT: how does that one feel?
Cust: I really need a wee
JT: you need the toilet?!
Cust: yeah
JT: ok, but how does the bra feel?
Cust: I don't know, can I put this bra on and go for a wee?
JT: you can put your own bra on and go, you will need to go to costa as we don't have a customer toilet here...
Cust: no, it's ok...
JT: right... Shall I get you some more bras?
Cust: (starts looking all over the ceiling for about 20 seconds) ...ok...


Cust: can I get this in a different size?
EM: sure, what size do you need?
Cust: 38... (starts pulling a face like she's straining while having a shit, for a good 10 seconds) ...g?


Cust: (she has hold of two pnb5' in spearmint) I tried this on in a 30ff (holds up one bra) but I really wanted it in black but apparently you don't have it, so I tried this on (holds up other bra) and it fitted really well but I want it in black in a 30g
EM: ok, so you want that in black in a 30g?
Cust: yes, and I don't need to try it on...


Cust: I didn't want this bikini and I spoke to the girl yesterday and she said that I could have a good will discount because I'm having to make a special trip into town to swap it...
EM: oh ok, so when you bought this one did she think that you had just tried this on for size when you placed the order?
Cust: I think I confused her because I was deciding between the two
EM: right, ok...
Cust: do you have any part time jobs?
EM: I'm sorry we don't at the moment, they have all been filled
Cust: everyone wants to work in a sweet shop but I want to work in a bra shop, I'd spend all my wages here!
EM: yeah! (silence)
Cust: the girls not going to get into trouble is she because I did confuse her and I didn't check
EM: (seeing an opportunity to show her how stupid she is) well I need to check how she managed to scan and wrap the wrong bikini without you noticing... The good will discount gives you £5 off, so it will be £16 coming back to you
Cust: oh, is the one I'm returning more expensive?
EM: (deliberately pointing to the prices on the receipt that the customer has written on while making out she's checking for herself) yes
Cust: oh...


Custs daughter: shouldn't we take the bras out?!
Cust: no, just leave them in there...


JT is stood with a customer by the stairs, about a meter away from the ramp)
JT: if you just want to make your way up the ramp (points to corner where ramp starts but is hidden from view behind a low wall)
Cust: where?
JT: just over there (points again)
(cust stays where she is but looks frantically all around for this mysterious ramp)