You know it's sale when you get women bitching at you before you've even finished your sentence and then bitching at you when you offer to run around after them when your helping other people.
To be fair to her it seemed she had got the hump because she was too fat for our stuff and had to make do with kitting the two princesses she had out in designer gear because they don't make high end threads in her size.
It's not our fault she looked like an oversized scrotum (and acted like one)
DONT TAKE IT OUT ON US!
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Ooops
Just thought I would share a moment of brilliance with you all...
Guess which one I sharpened???
Note to self: eye pencil sharpener not such a good idea!
Guess which one I sharpened???
Note to self: eye pencil sharpener not such a good idea!
Equality in the workplace
Yes that is broken but I pieced it together just for the snap...
Then chucked it
Come dine with me
Hideous example of how not to wear a corset on today
People had to eat looking at that breast vomit!
People had to eat looking at that breast vomit!
Monday, 27 December 2010
Door
Record amount of times we have whispered 'born in a barn?' at each other today when people have left it open upon entering or exiting the store...
Friday, 17 December 2010
Frisbee
A circular piece of cardboard provided much fun today. Launching it over the rails from the office I almost got KB. Then from down the back I shouted 'let's get EA!' I threw it and then heard an 'arrrrrgggghhhh'. I'd completely missed EA (who stuck her head around the rail and said 'I'm over here') and instead managed to smack KB in the arm with it full pelt. When I went over to see what was going on she was leaning on the rails laughing her head off and clutching her arm. Good job perhaps it wasn't her head as she later said that it just appeared over the rail and twatted her on the arm!
Fishing line
Wandering around the stockroom putting stuff away, I suddenly got stuck and had to lean on the door frame to stop myself falling over. I looked down thinking I must have got my foot stuck in a wire but couldn't see anything. Then KB got stuck right behind me. In a confused voice asked 'what... What's going on?' EA came round the corner to see what the issue was and saw us both stood there looking perplexed. I tried to move my feet and then saw the glint of fishing wire that I had managed to get stuck round my boots in a figure of eight. EA went to try and find the end while KB detangled herself and then tried to detangle me. She managed to get it off one of my boots while I franticly hopped towards her while she was pulling the line. EA came back with the reel and KB pulled the last bit which then tied itself firmly round my left boot. 'I've caught an EM!' she shouted as I hopped around while she was pulling my leg in the air. 'where did it come from?' I asked EA. 'It was under the sports bras!' she said, meaning that I had managed to some how wander around quite a bit before tangling up KB and myself in it.
What's worse is that KB thought I had stood in the bin before she realised what was going on!
What's worse is that KB thought I had stood in the bin before she realised what was going on!
Monday, 13 December 2010
101 things to say just before you put some one on hold...
Number 78:
JT: let me just get my hands together...
JT: let me just get my hands together...
Friday, 10 December 2010
Twins
Man and woman come into the store, woman goes to the basement for a fitting, man leaves.
A man come back in store...
Moi: I think she's still downstairs...
Man: I'm sure she is but I don't know who.
Moi: you didn't come in with someone earlier?
Man: no
Moi: oh sorry!
Needless to say he beat a hasty retreat... Oops!
A man come back in store...
Moi: I think she's still downstairs...
Man: I'm sure she is but I don't know who.
Moi: you didn't come in with someone earlier?
Man: no
Moi: oh sorry!
Needless to say he beat a hasty retreat... Oops!
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Crazy lady
3 custs came in together and started browsing. Another lady came in after them and started talking to them, I thought they were all together until I hear the lady who came in last ask one of them for £2. After the customer declined, the crazy lady asked her if she was local, and was telling the cust that she was local. She then was telling the cust that she was going to sainsburys later and how her trip to the doctors went.
I was trying to get hold of KB while this was going on to get her to listen to this but unfortunately she was on the phone.
I also should have paid attention to the crazy lady as I then found her behind me in the queue in sainsburys clutching a bottle of lucozade. Perhaps not the best form of liquid refreshment for her?
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I was trying to get hold of KB while this was going on to get her to listen to this but unfortunately she was on the phone.
I also should have paid attention to the crazy lady as I then found her behind me in the queue in sainsburys clutching a bottle of lucozade. Perhaps not the best form of liquid refreshment for her?
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Days
Moron Monday
Twat Tuesday
Wanker Wednesday
Thicko Thursday
Fuck-tard Friday
Stupid Saturday
Special Sunday
Twat Tuesday
Wanker Wednesday
Thicko Thursday
Fuck-tard Friday
Stupid Saturday
Special Sunday
Dedicated
KB picked up a huge armful of bras and realised she had gathered up the front of her dress with them. Realising she couldn't get her dress down without dropping all the bras so she just made a run for the stock room... And was faced by Zoe and EA EA did kindly point out that KB was flashing her gash and KB replied that she knew but she was holding way too many bras!
Distracting
EA and I were having a conversation about her latest squeeze, then I spotted something
EA: and I said I turned down sex with a boy because of you.
Moi: surely you shouldn't be... It looks like you've got a pube wrapped around your necklace!
EA: and I said I turned down sex with a boy because of you.
Moi: surely you shouldn't be... It looks like you've got a pube wrapped around your necklace!
Monday, 6 December 2010
Cruel
British cust is waiting while her American friend tries on dresses. American tries on a 10 and friend is disgusted and gets her a 14. When that is then too big I offer her a 12. Brit asks about the black maxi, I tell her we have one in a 10 but it is quite generous.
'oh no' she replies 'she's much bigger than that'
'oh no' she replies 'she's much bigger than that'
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
Saturday, 27 November 2010
Words
Phrases to make people cringe...
Moi: moist clitoris
EA: moist menstrual clitoris, do you like the word moist?
LH: (grimaces and shakes head) no!
EA: moist clitoris
JT: tepid clitoris
Moi: moist clitoris
JT: wet, damp clitoris
EA: damp!
Moi: moist clitoris
EA: moist menstrual clitoris, do you like the word moist?
LH: (grimaces and shakes head) no!
EA: moist clitoris
JT: tepid clitoris
Moi: moist clitoris
JT: wet, damp clitoris
EA: damp!
Thicko thursday
Last fitting wanted a re-fit because the bra she had sparkled underneath her sheer top when she had her photo taken with a flash.
I phoned up to EA to ask her if she was serious. EA just laughed.
Cust then said she wanted a 'nude' nude bra for this top, I explained to her that she is likely to see any bra under a see through top. I brought her the porcelain bra and she put it on. It didn't fit no matter what cup size tried. I told her that it's probably why she was given the other one. She asked for some others and couldn't quite grasp that because the were made out of the same material as her original one they would do the same thing.
She then asked if I had a see through top for her to try the bra with. I explained that we only had a dress which would be low enough or she could drape a cardi over her. 'so you haven't got a top then?' she said.
I got the dress and offered the solution of her putting it on backwards so she could see the bra through it, which she chose to do. However, rather than just putting it on and pulling it over the cup to see she tried to zip the dress up and then wondered why it was tight over her tits.
I then had to take a photo of her in the bra, which even though wasn't shiny, was a lot paler than her skin tone, still showed. She decided that it was ok, even though the top she had was pale blue and not quite as see through as the black bow dress.
After that all I could say was WTF! Some people are
unbe-fucking-lievable!
I phoned up to EA to ask her if she was serious. EA just laughed.
Cust then said she wanted a 'nude' nude bra for this top, I explained to her that she is likely to see any bra under a see through top. I brought her the porcelain bra and she put it on. It didn't fit no matter what cup size tried. I told her that it's probably why she was given the other one. She asked for some others and couldn't quite grasp that because the were made out of the same material as her original one they would do the same thing.
She then asked if I had a see through top for her to try the bra with. I explained that we only had a dress which would be low enough or she could drape a cardi over her. 'so you haven't got a top then?' she said.
I got the dress and offered the solution of her putting it on backwards so she could see the bra through it, which she chose to do. However, rather than just putting it on and pulling it over the cup to see she tried to zip the dress up and then wondered why it was tight over her tits.
I then had to take a photo of her in the bra, which even though wasn't shiny, was a lot paler than her skin tone, still showed. She decided that it was ok, even though the top she had was pale blue and not quite as see through as the black bow dress.
After that all I could say was WTF! Some people are
unbe-fucking-lievable!
We all heard...
Man waiting on the sofa decided to fart really loudly. LH and the girl waiting on the other sofa both heard and looked at him.
He just sat there and carried on reading as though nothing happened...
Luckily it didn't smell
He just sat there and carried on reading as though nothing happened...
Luckily it didn't smell
Thursday, 25 November 2010
Where were you looking?
Cust: I'm looking for balcony bras, I only saw this one style up stairs...
(I get 5 for her in the size she wanted)
Moi: I've got all these balcony ones and there are a lot more for you if you need them
Cust: oh right...
(I get 5 for her in the size she wanted)
Moi: I've got all these balcony ones and there are a lot more for you if you need them
Cust: oh right...
Friday, 19 November 2010
Pretty
The lights are up!
MR told me that the 'welcome to...' lights had a bit of an issue earlier on when they were first tested... When switched on for the first time, the lights read 'welcome to sex street'
Secret costs...
A nice news article on BBC 'also in the news'
"A woman was overcharged while buying fruit and vegetables from a Jersey supermarket - because the shop assistant's breasts were resting on the scales."
LOL!
"A woman was overcharged while buying fruit and vegetables from a Jersey supermarket - because the shop assistant's breasts were resting on the scales."
LOL!
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Bus!
EA sees lights from a double decker bus coming round the corner...
EA: hood-ja hood-ja hood-ja... (it's not the bus she wants)
Fuck...
EA: hood-ja hood-ja hood-ja... (it's not the bus she wants)
Fuck...
Oops
Old woman has a fold up seat at the bus stop, she picks it up and shuffles onto the bus, she's about to step on and she drops the seat...
Moi: oh Christ...
EA: your a bad human being...
Moi: oh Christ...
EA: your a bad human being...
What's on there?
EA: ok well i will start hoovering then
Moi: and theres a pair of bollocks in there (I point at the booth)
EA: there's some bollocks in there?
Moi: actually i said a pair of bollocks, it's that fa14...
Moi: and theres a pair of bollocks in there (I point at the booth)
EA: there's some bollocks in there?
Moi: actually i said a pair of bollocks, it's that fa14...
Thoughtful
Thanks to the lady in costa who told me today that she made my usual coffee ready for me in the morning on Friday the 12th but I didn't come in to get it because I was on holiday. She also said she was glad I was back. I guess takings were down!
Monday, 15 November 2010
Lazy
There was a cust today who wanted a fitting, GB buzzed it down and said that she was in the upstairs room, waiting.
Moi: is she able to come down?
GB: she's in the upstairs room and she doesn't want to come down
JH: oh Jesus...
Moi: okaaaay... Can I take her name?
GB: barbara.
JH: big Barbara
Moi: Barbara ball bags for brains...
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Moi: is she able to come down?
GB: she's in the upstairs room and she doesn't want to come down
JH: oh Jesus...
Moi: okaaaay... Can I take her name?
GB: barbara.
JH: big Barbara
Moi: Barbara ball bags for brains...
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Thursday, 11 November 2010
You decide for me
Lady is trying on the plunge tankini...
Cust: is this the right size?
Moi: it's sitting how it should do and your not bulging out...
Cust: I'm used to the one that has a bra in it and comes across, should I try a bigger one?
Moi: if you want to
Cust: is this the right size?
Moi: it's doing what it's designed to
Cust: maybe I should try the other size
Moi: let me go and get it
(cust tries cup size up)
Cust: this has more coverage
Moi: it's a little loose on the top of the cup but if you want more coverage then its better
Cust: is the other one better?
Moi: it's not as big at the top
Cust: I can't tell much difference, ok well it's down to what size to take (looks at me)
Moi: well from what you have told me, you want more coverage so I would go for the one your wearing
Cust: ok!
Jesus! Epic! Repeating myself much!?
Cust: is this the right size?
Moi: it's sitting how it should do and your not bulging out...
Cust: I'm used to the one that has a bra in it and comes across, should I try a bigger one?
Moi: if you want to
Cust: is this the right size?
Moi: it's doing what it's designed to
Cust: maybe I should try the other size
Moi: let me go and get it
(cust tries cup size up)
Cust: this has more coverage
Moi: it's a little loose on the top of the cup but if you want more coverage then its better
Cust: is the other one better?
Moi: it's not as big at the top
Cust: I can't tell much difference, ok well it's down to what size to take (looks at me)
Moi: well from what you have told me, you want more coverage so I would go for the one your wearing
Cust: ok!
Jesus! Epic! Repeating myself much!?
A mere servant
Lady comes in early for a fitting she booked earlier on as she is now meeting friends at her appt time.
Moi: I'll just get your fitter
Cust: (starts to walk through) oh, so your not a fitter?
Moi: not today, I'm here making sure everyone is where they should be (I go get MR)
MR: hello, I'm your fitter
Cust: hello, I've had you before and your still wearing that dress
MR: don't worry, I haven't worn it every day since then...
Moi: I'll just get your fitter
Cust: (starts to walk through) oh, so your not a fitter?
Moi: not today, I'm here making sure everyone is where they should be (I go get MR)
MR: hello, I'm your fitter
Cust: hello, I've had you before and your still wearing that dress
MR: don't worry, I haven't worn it every day since then...
Lost
Josephine, MRs fitting asks why we need her name as all she wants to do is get measured.
After fitting MR directs her upstairs to pay.
She then comes back down stairs and says 'that's that sorted, now how do I get out?'
I have to inform her that it's through the door on the ground floor. 'this keeps you fit!' she says as she goes back up the stairs and then asks GB where the door is...
After fitting MR directs her upstairs to pay.
She then comes back down stairs and says 'that's that sorted, now how do I get out?'
I have to inform her that it's through the door on the ground floor. 'this keeps you fit!' she says as she goes back up the stairs and then asks GB where the door is...
Slave
Cust wants to buy a top with glittery bits on the shoulder. Asks me to roller it for her before she buys it as it has some fluff on the back from the cardi we have.
Would you like me to wear it for you as well?
Would you like me to wear it for you as well?
Coat
JJ has a nice fluffy coat, which JT rubbed herself up against in the staff room and told me to tell JJ that she was having sex with said coat
Dog...
Funny scenes today as two pcso's tried and failed to catch a loose dog.
"Maybe it doesn't like being chased by the police?" Someone quipped
"who does like being chased by the police?" I replied
"Maybe it doesn't like being chased by the police?" Someone quipped
"who does like being chased by the police?" I replied
Why?
We talked about this for a great length yesterday...
If you have both hands uncovered and it's cold, why does your smoking hand freeze and your other hand is only a bit chilly?
Aaand discuss...
If you have both hands uncovered and it's cold, why does your smoking hand freeze and your other hand is only a bit chilly?
Aaand discuss...
Creepy
JT was getting the trees in and was stopped by someone who looked like santas dirty brother...
Man: where's the leopard bikini gone?
JT: it's still there, we've just swapped it
Man: I love walking past here looking at that.
JT: ok...
Man: I like to imagine all the women I know wearing that...
JT: right...
Man: (long pause, obviously storing something up for his wank bank)
JT runs inside with a tree...
Man: where's the leopard bikini gone?
JT: it's still there, we've just swapped it
Man: I love walking past here looking at that.
JT: ok...
Man: I like to imagine all the women I know wearing that...
JT: right...
Man: (long pause, obviously storing something up for his wank bank)
JT runs inside with a tree...
Monday, 8 November 2010
Toilet
KB: did you hear about the woman and the potty?
JT: nooo...
KB: this womans kid said she needed a wee and this woman said 'ok then' and got out this contraption for her and put it right by coordination.
Moi: she didn't move herself out of the way or anything...
KB: and this thing you can wee in and it soaks it up, right?
Moi: yeah I've got one.
JT: not for here!
Moi: no but it's like the gel in always pads at the bottom and it soaks everything up. It really stinks of talc and you can also have a shit in it and just tie it up and throw it in the bin...
KB: wait, theres shit in the bin?
Moi: yeah.
KB: notice my horrified face at that...
JT: THERES SHIT IN THE BIN!
JT: nooo...
KB: this womans kid said she needed a wee and this woman said 'ok then' and got out this contraption for her and put it right by coordination.
Moi: she didn't move herself out of the way or anything...
KB: and this thing you can wee in and it soaks it up, right?
Moi: yeah I've got one.
JT: not for here!
Moi: no but it's like the gel in always pads at the bottom and it soaks everything up. It really stinks of talc and you can also have a shit in it and just tie it up and throw it in the bin...
KB: wait, theres shit in the bin?
Moi: yeah.
KB: notice my horrified face at that...
JT: THERES SHIT IN THE BIN!
You like it then?
JT: I want that new mq bra, when I saw it I came a little...
Later...
Moi: what was it that JT said that was funny?
KB: I know.
JT: I don't!
KB: about the mq bra...
JT: oh yeah. Jizzy jizzy joo joo!
Later...
Moi: what was it that JT said that was funny?
KB: I know.
JT: I don't!
KB: about the mq bra...
JT: oh yeah. Jizzy jizzy joo joo!
Sea life
KB: I can be the crab
Moi: I can be a jelly fish
JT: I can be a fish.
(JT does an impression)
Moi: it's a bit bent?
KB: oh I missed it! Can I see your fish!?
JT: ok then (pretends to lift up her skirt)
Moi: I can be a jelly fish
JT: I can be a fish.
(JT does an impression)
Moi: it's a bit bent?
KB: oh I missed it! Can I see your fish!?
JT: ok then (pretends to lift up her skirt)
Sunday, 7 November 2010
Sunny
EA: I need to put some makeup on as I look pasty
Moi: I alway look pasty even with foundation
EA: really? (pointing at me) I thought the sun always shone on your face?
Moi: (laughing) this is all blog fodder. It will make me smile on a gloomy day!
EA: how can it be gloomy? The sun always shines in EM town! Didn't AS take the piss for you being orange?
Moi: no, that was when I came back from Alton Towers and I looked black apart from my strap marks and she freaked out that I was going to die of skin cancer...
EA: oh yeah I remember!
Moi: I alway look pasty even with foundation
EA: really? (pointing at me) I thought the sun always shone on your face?
Moi: (laughing) this is all blog fodder. It will make me smile on a gloomy day!
EA: how can it be gloomy? The sun always shines in EM town! Didn't AS take the piss for you being orange?
Moi: no, that was when I came back from Alton Towers and I looked black apart from my strap marks and she freaked out that I was going to die of skin cancer...
EA: oh yeah I remember!
Just funny
Nothing really to do with work but this made me laugh...
What not to do with persil washing gel...
Has someone actually done this and then complained? Are we actually perceived as this stupid!?
What not to do with persil washing gel...
Has someone actually done this and then complained? Are we actually perceived as this stupid!?
New pigeon!
Need to think of a name for this newbie other than 'the scrawny looking one'
Answers on a postcard...
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Attractive
VG: EM!
Moi: yes?
VG: what have you given me?
Moi: someone with very limited english?
VG: yeah! Shes stood there in her bra and tights and she's got this massive hole in the front!
Moi: yes?
VG: what have you given me?
Moi: someone with very limited english?
VG: yeah! Shes stood there in her bra and tights and she's got this massive hole in the front!
What they say V. what they mean
VG: why? does she think she's shit? (as opposed to got the job)
VG: she had the cally in pink and the massive thong (really meant to say matching)
VG: she had the cally in pink and the massive thong (really meant to say matching)
Insults...
EA: you smell like poo perfume...
EA: you put the ass in assistant manager. Could be worse, you could put the man in assistant manager. Where as I put the super in supervisor...
EA: I did a VG face earlier...
Moi: which one?
EA: you put the ass in assistant manager. Could be worse, you could put the man in assistant manager. Where as I put the super in supervisor...
EA: I did a VG face earlier...
Moi: which one?
Fish
EA belches
KB: that was an EM special
EA: that was a...
EP: taste your lunch?
Moi: smell your lunch...Decomposing...
EP: (to me) you look like a fish...
Moi: when?!
EA: all the time
(lots of visual swearing all round)
KB: that was an EM special
EA: that was a...
EP: taste your lunch?
Moi: smell your lunch...Decomposing...
EP: (to me) you look like a fish...
Moi: when?!
EA: all the time
(lots of visual swearing all round)
Friday, 5 November 2010
Quick come back
MO: look at these big ones you just can't hang them
JO: why would you have big boobs?
MO: cos your born with them, why do you have a small willy?
JH: MUMMY!
(raucous laughter from all apart from JO)
JO: you'll be glad I didn't actually hear you...
Moi: MO your naughty...
JO: why would you have big boobs?
MO: cos your born with them, why do you have a small willy?
JH: MUMMY!
(raucous laughter from all apart from JO)
JO: you'll be glad I didn't actually hear you...
Moi: MO your naughty...
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Still nothing?
Cust who has the most horrendous moustache on a female you have ever seen and a monobrow to match. One of tho things that you look at when talking to here and thinking 'still haven't sorted your face out' and 'hasn't any of your friends said to you DEAL WITH IT!'
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What's our name?!
Cust: is there a bra-massi-mimo in London?
KB: yes in oxford circus and in covent garden... Also on line as well..
Cust: I'll look on my Mac book tonight!
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KB: yes in oxford circus and in covent garden... Also on line as well..
Cust: I'll look on my Mac book tonight!
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Shame it didn't work...
KB trying to scan the bras through at the customer just wanted to try on...
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Say what?
Customer came in asking for the panache 'inferior' bra....
(I'm sorry what did panache call their bra?)
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(I'm sorry what did panache call their bra?)
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Nice imagery
Woman looking at the Frankie bra with her partner...
Man: yeah, that's nice, like pebbles on a beach...
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Man: yeah, that's nice, like pebbles on a beach...
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Top
Cust: there's a top on the website that I want to try and it says in stock now.
KB: let me just find out for you
Moi: we haven't had that one in store yet, but it means that it's in stock at the warehouse if it says online that it's in stock now. We could mail order one for you
Cust: but I want to try it on and I don't know what size I want
Moi: you could try on a different jersey top to find your size?
Cust: ive had a cardigan, would that be the same size? Also so why does it say it's in stock when it's not?
Moi: it's because the warehouse gets the stock first and then it gets sent to stores, where as if you order it online it comes straight from the warehouse...
KB: if you want I can get the size that you had in the cardigan, In another top for you to try?
Cust: ok
KB: what size did you have?
Cust: i dont know thats what i want you to tell me
KB: what dress size do you take
Cust: 16
KB: and what bust size?
Cust: I don't know
KB: (pause) ok, well we could start with a 16 c/r and start from there
Later KB came back up and told me that they cust had tried the alternative top on and said that it fits but she didn't like the fabric as it wasnt vey flattering and asked KB what the fabric of the other one was like. KB had to explain again to her that as we hadn't had it in store yet we didn't know if it was the same fabric or if it was lighter, thicker etc...
Hard work... And now our collective brains hurt...
And low and behold the top was in a box we had here all along!
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KB: let me just find out for you
Moi: we haven't had that one in store yet, but it means that it's in stock at the warehouse if it says online that it's in stock now. We could mail order one for you
Cust: but I want to try it on and I don't know what size I want
Moi: you could try on a different jersey top to find your size?
Cust: ive had a cardigan, would that be the same size? Also so why does it say it's in stock when it's not?
Moi: it's because the warehouse gets the stock first and then it gets sent to stores, where as if you order it online it comes straight from the warehouse...
KB: if you want I can get the size that you had in the cardigan, In another top for you to try?
Cust: ok
KB: what size did you have?
Cust: i dont know thats what i want you to tell me
KB: what dress size do you take
Cust: 16
KB: and what bust size?
Cust: I don't know
KB: (pause) ok, well we could start with a 16 c/r and start from there
Later KB came back up and told me that they cust had tried the alternative top on and said that it fits but she didn't like the fabric as it wasnt vey flattering and asked KB what the fabric of the other one was like. KB had to explain again to her that as we hadn't had it in store yet we didn't know if it was the same fabric or if it was lighter, thicker etc...
Hard work... And now our collective brains hurt...
And low and behold the top was in a box we had here all along!
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Any colour...
Cust: I want any colour you have of this
Moi: ok well we have petrol, pink, black, white and nude.
Cust: I don't want black or white...
Moi: ok... *forced smile*
Later on...
Cust: I want this in a 40GG
Moi: is it just nude you want?
Cust: anything that won't show under white
Moi: (this lady is quite dark skinned) we do have it in a pink if you want to try that?
Cust: ok let's try the pink
Moi: (writing it down) ok, just take this downstairs and KB will be able to get this for you
Cust goes down and I then hear he saying to KB 'wheres the nude one!?' as well
KB: oh ok, she didn't write that one down...
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Moi: ok well we have petrol, pink, black, white and nude.
Cust: I don't want black or white...
Moi: ok... *forced smile*
Later on...
Cust: I want this in a 40GG
Moi: is it just nude you want?
Cust: anything that won't show under white
Moi: (this lady is quite dark skinned) we do have it in a pink if you want to try that?
Cust: ok let's try the pink
Moi: (writing it down) ok, just take this downstairs and KB will be able to get this for you
Cust goes down and I then hear he saying to KB 'wheres the nude one!?' as well
KB: oh ok, she didn't write that one down...
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Lost
Meeting last night went on longer than anticipated. JT's mum had phoned her 16 times and also got her boyfriend to phone the slug to see if she was in there.
After he spent some time describing her he also mentioned to the bar staff where she worked, to which they replied 'oh yes! We know those girls and none of them are in here'
None of them??? 1- how many of us do they know? And 2- are we that bad we are memorable when were in ther?
Our reputation preceded us!
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After he spent some time describing her he also mentioned to the bar staff where she worked, to which they replied 'oh yes! We know those girls and none of them are in here'
None of them??? 1- how many of us do they know? And 2- are we that bad we are memorable when were in ther?
Our reputation preceded us!
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How?
Moi: how did MR get her in a 40?
JH: with great difficulty...
KB: was it like this...
(KB and I do a synchronised 'knee in the back and pull' action)
JH laughs
KB: aww that was awesome!
JH: with great difficulty...
KB: was it like this...
(KB and I do a synchronised 'knee in the back and pull' action)
JH laughs
KB: aww that was awesome!
Saturday, 30 October 2010
Might want to stop talking...
EA: it smells of poo perfume down there
Moi: (mouthing it) theres someone in here...
EA: oh!!!! (falls on the till laughing)
Moi: (mouthing it) theres someone in here...
EA: oh!!!! (falls on the till laughing)
Friday, 29 October 2010
Use English!
Cust: I want a black underwired bra in a 32f
Moi: any particular styles as we have quite a few...
Cust: well I couldn't see any upstairs but I want it for a dress that's low at the front...
Moi: ok, did you want moulded, non-moulded. If your dress is quite fitted did you want plain or theres lacy..?
Cust: well I would like to try them all.
Moi: ok, well I'll get some of them...
(I come back with 5 different low fronted bras)
Cust: (looking at me as though I'm some sort of retard) strapless? They need to be strapless
Moi: oh right, when you said black bras...
Moi: any particular styles as we have quite a few...
Cust: well I couldn't see any upstairs but I want it for a dress that's low at the front...
Moi: ok, did you want moulded, non-moulded. If your dress is quite fitted did you want plain or theres lacy..?
Cust: well I would like to try them all.
Moi: ok, well I'll get some of them...
(I come back with 5 different low fronted bras)
Cust: (looking at me as though I'm some sort of retard) strapless? They need to be strapless
Moi: oh right, when you said black bras...
70yr olds day out
MR: she's so fussy, I've taken another one through cos she wanted to be done and there's another one.
Moi: yep and shes requested you.
MR: (leans on rail) oh fuck sake...
Moi: yep and shes requested you.
MR: (leans on rail) oh fuck sake...
Jesus! They're taking over!
And to prove a point the next shot shows my foot in comparison...
Things then got a bit messy as they ate KB...
Thursday, 28 October 2010
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
Monday, 25 October 2010
Fatty
Cust trying on all the bikinis we had in a 38F. JH asked me if I knew she was there trying on.
Moi: what the bloater?
JH: yeah (grimaces)
Moi: that's not something you want to see flopping about on the beach
JH: no but it's the one you sit next to!
Moral of this story is always sit next to the fattest person you can find so that you look fricking amazing!
Moi: what the bloater?
JH: yeah (grimaces)
Moi: that's not something you want to see flopping about on the beach
JH: no but it's the one you sit next to!
Moral of this story is always sit next to the fattest person you can find so that you look fricking amazing!
Err... There?!
Im sat on the monument outside work and an older lady asks me if I'm familiar with the area for which I reply yes. She then asks me where's the nearest place that sells picture frames. I point to the Cambridge Framing Center and tell her that they do them. "where?" she replies. "just there the framing shop with the mirrors in the doorway." staring at her. "oh." she says like it's a complete mystery why they would sell mirrors.
Eek!
MR goes up the stairs to the toilet.
VG: argh! I'm in here!
MR: oh sorry, are you sat down?
VG: no!
JH and I snigger quietly
MR: I did that once to EA... I think she was sat down...
VG: argh! I'm in here!
MR: oh sorry, are you sat down?
VG: no!
JH and I snigger quietly
MR: I did that once to EA... I think she was sat down...
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Minion
MR had just emptied the office bin and EA and I were talking to her. I then threw my empty coffee cup into the bin.
EA: nice one!
Moi: oh god, sorry MR!
MR: that's ok, it's what I'm here for...
EA: nice one!
Moi: oh god, sorry MR!
MR: that's ok, it's what I'm here for...
Bum
EA and I in the office, we went to switch seats and EA realised she needed a pen, inadvertent bumming occurred. EA decided this was quite fun and did it again. Then telling KB that there was nothing to see and she hadn't missed anything.
Thursday, 21 October 2010
Help!
MR: are you out there? There's a lady who needs help in the back passage.
Moi: back passage?!
MR: (flustered) the front passage...
Moi: (laughing) ok!
MR: huuuurrrr.
Moi: back passage?!
MR: (flustered) the front passage...
Moi: (laughing) ok!
MR: huuuurrrr.
Newbie
New member of staff, a male, 17. He's our stockroom bitch for the next couple of months. MO has already warned MR to keep her hands off and when I said to EA about his age it prompted a raised eyebrow look from me to remind her to keep her paws off as well.
We won't go into the whole MR offering him sweets at lunch!
We won't go into the whole MR offering him sweets at lunch!
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
I wish I had thought of that.
Thank you to KB for showing me this site and to regretsy to posting this little nugget!
Wonderful! I'm going to make me one of these for my next night out on the town! And to make it extra special I'm going to get someone to jizz all over it to make sure everyone knows what a risqué little ho I am.
Wonderful! I'm going to make me one of these for my next night out on the town! And to make it extra special I'm going to get someone to jizz all over it to make sure everyone knows what a risqué little ho I am.
Does that even fit? Encore
Not ill fitting as such...
Just ill.
For that 'special' occasion. Body armour that morphs your breasts into the thing the armour is protecting you from... Bullets!
Also so high in the cups and straps so close together/thick that you will only be able to wear this with a smock.
Just ill.
For that 'special' occasion. Body armour that morphs your breasts into the thing the armour is protecting you from... Bullets!
Also so high in the cups and straps so close together/thick that you will only be able to wear this with a smock.
Does that even fit? Part 2
A little bit of boob bulge. It's the Joe 90 glasses that do it for me though...
Sweet Jesus! Why don't we have one of these!? A soft cup that's also a plunge (yes you read that correctly, a PLUNGE)
Answer: it's because it looks like you laid a doylie over your tits.
One word, udders.
Three more words: longest boobs ever.
Is this a bra? Or just two shoulder pads held together with some string that I saw pretending to be a bra on etsy?
Fuck me! You could give someone a tit wank without taking your bra off there's so much of a gap at the bottom. (on the plus side this would leave both hands free)
Dont get too close, these bad boys are ready to attack! Also don't bend down unless you want to be cramming yourself back into this like a schizophrenic groper.
Did I mention it's in the sale?
Gives a whole new meaning to hanging out. And is that her nipple?! This is just demonstrating what you can't do in this bra (get something from the top of the cupboard/sniff your own armpit/brush your hair...)
Does that even fit?
Here are some of the bras that made us laugh. (thanks to simply be for most of them)
A stunning invisible wire bra, invisible apart from the wire that's half way up her tit on the right cup.
Count the boobs... Yes that is a third one flopping out the middle. Extra points to this one though. It was also to be found in the plunge section!
With this bad boy you too can have underwear as outerwear once you combine this with a shrug.
With this you can wear a bra with all your backless dresses, as all that is on display is the two rows of glass nuggets and your back fat.
Cleavage or canyon? You decide!
110% not designed to sit flat on your rib cage (if it was that firm it would probably snap) also not really one for turning round/breathing in unless you want your puppies to break free and start attacking the person next to you.
A stunning invisible wire bra, invisible apart from the wire that's half way up her tit on the right cup.
Count the boobs... Yes that is a third one flopping out the middle. Extra points to this one though. It was also to be found in the plunge section!
With this bad boy you too can have underwear as outerwear once you combine this with a shrug.
With this you can wear a bra with all your backless dresses, as all that is on display is the two rows of glass nuggets and your back fat.
Cleavage or canyon? You decide!
110% not designed to sit flat on your rib cage (if it was that firm it would probably snap) also not really one for turning round/breathing in unless you want your puppies to break free and start attacking the person next to you.
Leopard obscenities
JT, JH and I all tried on the cheeky monkey (it's called that because it's a monkey being cheeky by dressing up as a leopard, obviously)
Imagine if you will, your boobs, then add another pair on top of them that are trained to attack the person nearest to you as soon as you move/breath.
That's exactly what I want from my underwear.
Imagine if you will, your boobs, then add another pair on top of them that are trained to attack the person nearest to you as soon as you move/breath.
That's exactly what I want from my underwear.
Fun and games
EA decided we should all play a game today. It was called 'here's the sports bra the lady wants to try on, guess the size'
To make it fair she gave us a clue with what cup size we needed.
We gave up in the end and mauled the customer to find the answer!
To make it fair she gave us a clue with what cup size we needed.
We gave up in the end and mauled the customer to find the answer!
Snowball.
We are popular with the pigeon chested. Snowball came in several times to have a gander at our wares. JT kept shooing him out.
Meanie.
Posters.
While I'm all for the lifestyle shots on the pos, who has ever read Peter Pan in their lingerie while sat on a pristinely made bed surrounded by scatter cushions?
Hardcastle
Crazy lady that you would think was homeless to look at her was in again. This time leaving a note for the owner of the company, recommending that they take her fashion advice
1- make replicas of certain dresses from other stores which turned out to be identical to ones we had done before.
2- use a certain set of patterns that she had stumbled across.
3- use only colours that she deems fit (mushroom, mink, navy, grey.)
Dear god, you can imagine what her wardrobe is like with a colour scheme like that? old man beige and smocks!
Friday, 1 October 2010
Just not fitting!
Spent an hour trawling the Internet for pictures from websites for bras that just do not fit. Much hilarity. Will post them soon!
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
Faint
Commendable actions from JT.
Not wanting to panic people in store, asked EA to come upstairs as she was feeling queasy.
Promptly fainted and then when she came around started apologising!
So we told her to work the extra time she had used while lying on the floor/sofa...
JOKE!
(but we did say that for funzies!)
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Not wanting to panic people in store, asked EA to come upstairs as she was feeling queasy.
Promptly fainted and then when she came around started apologising!
So we told her to work the extra time she had used while lying on the floor/sofa...
JOKE!
(but we did say that for funzies!)
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It's not what you think...
What KB saw...
Moi caressing the breasts of a mannequin in a lingerie set while thinking that no one was in the store.
What I was actually doing...
Moi moving the fabric of the bra around seeing if it a: actually fitted and b: if I could stop it looking wrinkled.
Either way I have now discovered that in future I should either ask for someones opinion or actually just 'hoof' the cup around in a man handling kind of way and just stop being so delicate. (it give people the wrong impression, and that's just staff!)
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Moi caressing the breasts of a mannequin in a lingerie set while thinking that no one was in the store.
What I was actually doing...
Moi moving the fabric of the bra around seeing if it a: actually fitted and b: if I could stop it looking wrinkled.
Either way I have now discovered that in future I should either ask for someones opinion or actually just 'hoof' the cup around in a man handling kind of way and just stop being so delicate. (it give people the wrong impression, and that's just staff!)
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Disturbing
MO and MR discussing the finer points of a pierced penis
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Crate
Memo to JJ:
Always make sure the lid is on properly before sitting on the crate or you will end up in it.
As you found out earlier today, and MO ended up laughing quite a bit before helping you out.
End memo.
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Always make sure the lid is on properly before sitting on the crate or you will end up in it.
As you found out earlier today, and MO ended up laughing quite a bit before helping you out.
End memo.
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DP
EA: can you pass my DP please?...
Which I pass her the bottle of dr pepper
...Not to be confused with double penetration.
Moi: (in silly voice) I love a bit of DP, me!
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Which I pass her the bottle of dr pepper
...Not to be confused with double penetration.
Moi: (in silly voice) I love a bit of DP, me!
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Monday, 27 September 2010
Fail
VG: did you email Lindsay about this?
Moi: after you had a spaz at us for not doing it?
VG: yeah... (long pause) j don't think I did it either...(laughing)
Moi: massive fail!
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Moi: after you had a spaz at us for not doing it?
VG: yeah... (long pause) j don't think I did it either...(laughing)
Moi: massive fail!
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Where?
EA: I'm going to boomtown tonight!
JJ: is that in Essex?
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JJ: is that in Essex?
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Lazy
I had all the intentions to walk, it would do me good, save me money... Just up the road I just thought, 'fuck it I can't be arsed!' now I'm sat on the bus looking at lazy emily who i used to work with and near someone who stinks of b.o.
Just great...
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Stop looking!
Lady came in today she obviously spent a lot of time and money on her face. Huge false eyelashes (that were coming away at both edges, may have been the rain) massive lips (think Leslie Ash in her 'trout pout' days) and potentially a face lift. Unfortunately she had skin that looked like she suffered from rather severe acne and she had delt with the troublesome spots my rubbing them with acid. Al la alive zombie... I tried not to stare... And failed
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sunday, 12 September 2010
Nightwear
A beautiful wall full of pyjama tops and bottoms, nightdresses and lounge wear all in two colours!
An aubergine nightmare!
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An aubergine nightmare!
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Thursday, 9 September 2010
Leaving party
JT: she stripped off and was in her own underwear, which her bra was just hanging on, and I could see flaps! This woman gets her kit off at a drop of a hat!
JT: they said they have bras which went to a 'g' but they were more like an 'f' so I said 'i'm a gg, there not going to fit me!' (unless you had a doreen! Which would be quite funny!)
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JT: they said they have bras which went to a 'g' but they were more like an 'f' so I said 'i'm a gg, there not going to fit me!' (unless you had a doreen! Which would be quite funny!)
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Confused
Cust can't remember which bra she wanted to buy, so held up each one around her fully clad boobs and looked at KB as though she would know the answer?!
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Delightful
We had a lovely lady come in. She shuffle over to the till and told JT that she had now infected the shop air.
She had a fungal infection apparently and waved her hands around in her crotch/leg area and then started to lift up her skirt.
She then told us that she just wanted to let everyone know (including the two customers at the till) that the air was now infected.
She shuffled back off to the front door then turned around and coughed into the store and wandered off.
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She had a fungal infection apparently and waved her hands around in her crotch/leg area and then started to lift up her skirt.
She then told us that she just wanted to let everyone know (including the two customers at the till) that the air was now infected.
She shuffled back off to the front door then turned around and coughed into the store and wandered off.
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Saturday, 21 August 2010
And my grade is... F!
While stock checking...
EA: let's check this code...
EM: oh dear, me! (a cannot find listed under my name)
EA: right, nem-isis... Rather an unfortunate name isn't it?
Changing the hangers around...
EM: lets move them to the bottom...
(start moving them and find a pole is in the way)
EM: hang on...
(I grab the pole and move it to the side, the whole rail promptly falls off littering the ground with hangers, I lean on the rail above laughing my head off, EA, starts banging more hangers into my elbow)
EA: obstruction!
(I lift the pole up that was in my way and manage to knock off lots more hangers that then hit my head, I collapse back onto the rail laughing my head off)
EA: your a bit fail arnt you!
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EA: let's check this code...
EM: oh dear, me! (a cannot find listed under my name)
EA: right, nem-isis... Rather an unfortunate name isn't it?
Changing the hangers around...
EM: lets move them to the bottom...
(start moving them and find a pole is in the way)
EM: hang on...
(I grab the pole and move it to the side, the whole rail promptly falls off littering the ground with hangers, I lean on the rail above laughing my head off, EA, starts banging more hangers into my elbow)
EA: obstruction!
(I lift the pole up that was in my way and manage to knock off lots more hangers that then hit my head, I collapse back onto the rail laughing my head off)
EA: your a bit fail arnt you!
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Sunday, 15 August 2010
Friday, 13 August 2010
Friday the 13th
VG: there's a lady here for an appointment that isn't written down.
EA: is she lying?
VG: well... She's big and has a moustache.
EA: awesome, if I get raped I'm suing you!
EM: take one for the team.
Later...
EA: v said she had a tash, she didn't say she was a man!
EM: really?
EA: not sure, she was wearing a dress and now she's wearing pants but I don't want to look and now I've got to fit her hairy tats...
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EA: is she lying?
VG: well... She's big and has a moustache.
EA: awesome, if I get raped I'm suing you!
EM: take one for the team.
Later...
EA: v said she had a tash, she didn't say she was a man!
EM: really?
EA: not sure, she was wearing a dress and now she's wearing pants but I don't want to look and now I've got to fit her hairy tats...
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Saturday, 7 August 2010
I'm just going to write it down
Basically Lemons got super worms
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Last one
Moi: you've got a lady who doesn't seem to understand what I'm asking her
KB: oh great
Moi: on the plus side it's your last one of the day
KB: ok...
(we both head to the door)
Moi: and she's got two children in tow
KB: OH MY GOD! you had to leave that bit until last!
Moi: well... (start laughing large amounts with KB then compose ourselves and open the door) this is KB and she will be your fitter
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KB: oh great
Moi: on the plus side it's your last one of the day
KB: ok...
(we both head to the door)
Moi: and she's got two children in tow
KB: OH MY GOD! you had to leave that bit until last!
Moi: well... (start laughing large amounts with KB then compose ourselves and open the door) this is KB and she will be your fitter
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Offspring
'there's a fish where the male carries the little fish children in it's mouth'
Fish children? That would be 'fry' perhaps!
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Fish children? That would be 'fry' perhaps!
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Wired
We learnt a selection of new words from wired today, fuckpump being one, cockstump being another. Thank you, you wonderful child friendly magazine.
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Drunk packing
LH informing us when having a drink, that when packing the last time she was legless she packed all her bras and two tops... Not a good omen!
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, 30 July 2010
You what?!
JJ with one arm helping a lady with no arms
JT helping a customer with some pni1's and clothing...
Cust: I think these are maternity bras?
JT: these are plunges
JT then discusses the clothing sizes and cust discovers that the dress she's wearing is too big in the boobs. JT goes back with some bras and cust has a top on and looks at JT, pulls the top out directly from her nipples, pulls a toothless window kicker grin and says proudly 'I think I've done it again!'
Cust convinced she's got a strapless bra in a 34G. JT tries one on, can't do it up, gets a 36, has to pull cust into it. Tries a 38! Still tight, cust can't work out why it's not a 34.... Look at yourself woman!
Twitchy claw hand woman....
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JT helping a customer with some pni1's and clothing...
Cust: I think these are maternity bras?
JT: these are plunges
JT then discusses the clothing sizes and cust discovers that the dress she's wearing is too big in the boobs. JT goes back with some bras and cust has a top on and looks at JT, pulls the top out directly from her nipples, pulls a toothless window kicker grin and says proudly 'I think I've done it again!'
Cust convinced she's got a strapless bra in a 34G. JT tries one on, can't do it up, gets a 36, has to pull cust into it. Tries a 38! Still tight, cust can't work out why it's not a 34.... Look at yourself woman!
Twitchy claw hand woman....
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Sunday, 11 July 2010
Saturday stockroom
Highlights from the sex education show being discussed
- a slider table (think rowing machine) with handles for men with no legs to have sex
- an old mans oral sex chair
- a 32 stone man resting his flab on a birds back so he could shag her
- a fat man being unable to find his penis
Quote of the day
"a flaccid penis is a placid penis"
EA doing the great escape from the 32's to the 34's under the 40's 38's and 36's! Carpet burns!
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- a slider table (think rowing machine) with handles for men with no legs to have sex
- an old mans oral sex chair
- a 32 stone man resting his flab on a birds back so he could shag her
- a fat man being unable to find his penis
Quote of the day
"a flaccid penis is a placid penis"
EA doing the great escape from the 32's to the 34's under the 40's 38's and 36's! Carpet burns!
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Thursday, 10 June 2010
Pit stop
JJ: are you alright?
EA: yeah... I was just daydreaming about if a gunman came in and took everyone hostage, what would I do?
JJ: offer to suck his cock! Job done!
EA: wasn't thinking that extreme!
AS: I don't like this bench, it hurts my spine
Moi: really? There the same benches as last time!
AS: I know, lean back... Feel it?
Moi: no... But Ive got padding...
AS: no one has padding on their spine!
Moi: what about the fatties that come in?
AS: you can still see their spine
Moi: I suppose... Some of them have a back bum where it all goes in...
AS: exactly!
Moi: what about the really big ones, the space hoppers?
AS: when they lean over you can see it...
Moi: tell you what when your fitting them you see if you can feel it.
AS: ok (makes two fingers round the back band motion, followed by a finger stroke down an imaginary spine)
Moi: yes! Just like that! I'll shaddow you fitting and then you do that and you'll get bonus points.
AS: we will both do it.
Moi: you could just use the back of your hand when pulling the back! You big weirdo!
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Wednesday, 9 June 2010
Wet Wednesday
EA: there's a strong smell of fabreeze in here...
Moi: (walking round the corner) hahahahahaha
EA: is it poo perfume!?
Moi: this is going to be like squeezing a monkey into a barrel...
(getting a heffer into a bikini)
Moi: my bum is eating my pants...
EA: sexy...
Moi: we would be fucked up the arse if MR was in a fitting...
MO: oohhhhh.... Not the arse.....
Moi: well we don't have that colour so you will have to try this one...
MO: and if you don't like that then kindly fuck off...
Moi: (walking round the corner) hahahahahaha
EA: is it poo perfume!?
Moi: this is going to be like squeezing a monkey into a barrel...
(getting a heffer into a bikini)
Moi: my bum is eating my pants...
EA: sexy...
Moi: we would be fucked up the arse if MR was in a fitting...
MO: oohhhhh.... Not the arse.....
Moi: well we don't have that colour so you will have to try this one...
MO: and if you don't like that then kindly fuck off...
Monday, 7 June 2010
Clearing up the stockroom
It got to a point last week where it didn't matter if the bras were on their correct boxes, the floor near them was good enough.
Here is some casual talk regarding the anarchy that was the stockroom
Moi: we have to sort out the 30's. It looks like road kill...
EA: that's been driven over five times!
Moi: I've almost finished the 30's
VG: I've almost done the 38's, shotgun the 40's
Moi: 28's!
EA: oh my god!
VG: haha burn!
Moi: too slow my friend! You got the 32's!
MR: oh look at that lovely present you've left for me...
(strapless)
VG: have you hoovered?
Moi: no...
VG: it looks bigger...
Moi: that's because there isn't a tonne of boxes lying about!
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Here is some casual talk regarding the anarchy that was the stockroom
Moi: we have to sort out the 30's. It looks like road kill...
EA: that's been driven over five times!
Moi: I've almost finished the 30's
VG: I've almost done the 38's, shotgun the 40's
Moi: 28's!
EA: oh my god!
VG: haha burn!
Moi: too slow my friend! You got the 32's!
MR: oh look at that lovely present you've left for me...
(strapless)
VG: have you hoovered?
Moi: no...
VG: it looks bigger...
Moi: that's because there isn't a tonne of boxes lying about!
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Friday, 4 June 2010
It's only Thursday...
JH: (from big stockroom) what you eating?
Moi: (from little stockroom) fish.
JH: don't come near me with that!
Moi: why?
JH: I don't like the smell
VG: (comes through to the little stockroom) what is it?
Moi: tuna...
VG: eeewwww why didn't you say tuna? Fish sounds so horrible!
JH: hey! What's that smell?!
(at this point I start wafting my hand in front of my crutch while JH wanders through doing exactly the same thing)
VG: you two are so minging!
VG: what is she doing?!
Moi: she's sniffing me...
EA: we've decided that you and AS's love child would be called alla...
KC: (on the radio) can you repeat the code please?
VG: it's pn74... (leans back on door which makes a wet fart sound... AS and I look at each other and start to laugh which sets VG off in hysterics) I can't! You tell her!
VG: your like the product queen! (quietly) just don't let you go near any boxes....
Moi: oh JH did you see that customer earlier?
JH: (laughing) the one stood by the desk?
Moi: yeah, you were dressed to match!
JH: ohhhhhhh! *flips the bird*
(they were both wearing orange and purple, in the same shades)
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Moi: (from little stockroom) fish.
JH: don't come near me with that!
Moi: why?
JH: I don't like the smell
VG: (comes through to the little stockroom) what is it?
Moi: tuna...
VG: eeewwww why didn't you say tuna? Fish sounds so horrible!
JH: hey! What's that smell?!
(at this point I start wafting my hand in front of my crutch while JH wanders through doing exactly the same thing)
VG: you two are so minging!
VG: what is she doing?!
Moi: she's sniffing me...
EA: we've decided that you and AS's love child would be called alla...
KC: (on the radio) can you repeat the code please?
VG: it's pn74... (leans back on door which makes a wet fart sound... AS and I look at each other and start to laugh which sets VG off in hysterics) I can't! You tell her!
VG: your like the product queen! (quietly) just don't let you go near any boxes....
Moi: oh JH did you see that customer earlier?
JH: (laughing) the one stood by the desk?
Moi: yeah, you were dressed to match!
JH: ohhhhhhh! *flips the bird*
(they were both wearing orange and purple, in the same shades)
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Thursday, 3 June 2010
The Morning After The Night Before
We all went out on Friday night, to celebrate EP's Birthday. A merry time was had by all.
KA having a sneaky ciggie
Laughting at EP's i.d that was very blatently not hers
Playing hide and seek at work
The very imaginative cocktail that EP made up consisting of orange juice, apple vodka and champagne
The discussion about ginger people
AS buying huge shiny white shorts in an 8 so she at least had some clean underwear in the morning if nothing else!
EP wanting to go dancing and AS not wanting to walk far so all of us ending up at 'The Place'.
Having a Carling moment if EP didn't get into the club
EP throwing up in her hand
VK Orange overload
Four of us sleeping in one bed
JR spooning AS
Two hours sleep
AS chundering in the morning
EP and AS having to wear the same clothes the next day
So the next morning I'm at work at 8:30 tidying up the champers bottles ect... EA comes in bloated and later quips that she spent most of the day looking pregnant. EP and AS get there at almost 9:30. AS informs is she can't function without a coffee. Once downstairs AS crouches over a box like Gollom and groans a lot.
Quotes of the day!
AS: don't make me fit! I'm still drunk!
(we did, and the following conversation is from her first fitting)
AS: she knows I'm drunk!
Moi: how?!
AS: I can't speak! I said 'my names....errr.... ******' then I took her to a room we used for hide and seek and the stool was in the middle of the room and the magaznes were everywhere, then I started telling her about the fitting and said 'you know we don't use tape measures... errr... because there inacurate and... errr... all bras come up differently even if there made by the same person.' I can't do this!
Moi: hahahahahaha
(AS leaves)
EA: where's AS?
Moi: in a fitting!
EA: hahahahahaha
AS: I really can't do this! She hates me! I can't find anything to fit and she's going to cry!
KB: AS your next fittings here...
AS: *terrified eyes* what! No!
KB: it's a double...
Moi: hahahahahaha
AS: *gonna pass out through fear eyes* I can't....
MR: If your still drunk, I'll take them through and you can do my appointment. I don't mind covering, we've all been out the night before and been a bit green the next day, you do look green...
EA: look (rubs belly) I'm sooooo bloated, I don't know if I need to poo...
MR: am I the only one working! Covering for green fitters!
MR: EP I do love you, even though I lock you in cupboards and shout at you... (aside) schizophrenic...
AS: I can't drink anymore of this... It reminds me of VK Orange...
KA having a sneaky ciggie
Laughting at EP's i.d that was very blatently not hers
Playing hide and seek at work
The very imaginative cocktail that EP made up consisting of orange juice, apple vodka and champagne
The discussion about ginger people
AS buying huge shiny white shorts in an 8 so she at least had some clean underwear in the morning if nothing else!
EP wanting to go dancing and AS not wanting to walk far so all of us ending up at 'The Place'.
Having a Carling moment if EP didn't get into the club
EP throwing up in her hand
VK Orange overload
Four of us sleeping in one bed
JR spooning AS
Two hours sleep
AS chundering in the morning
EP and AS having to wear the same clothes the next day
So the next morning I'm at work at 8:30 tidying up the champers bottles ect... EA comes in bloated and later quips that she spent most of the day looking pregnant. EP and AS get there at almost 9:30. AS informs is she can't function without a coffee. Once downstairs AS crouches over a box like Gollom and groans a lot.
Quotes of the day!
AS: don't make me fit! I'm still drunk!
(we did, and the following conversation is from her first fitting)
AS: she knows I'm drunk!
Moi: how?!
AS: I can't speak! I said 'my names....errr.... ******' then I took her to a room we used for hide and seek and the stool was in the middle of the room and the magaznes were everywhere, then I started telling her about the fitting and said 'you know we don't use tape measures... errr... because there inacurate and... errr... all bras come up differently even if there made by the same person.' I can't do this!
Moi: hahahahahaha
(AS leaves)
EA: where's AS?
Moi: in a fitting!
EA: hahahahahaha
AS: I really can't do this! She hates me! I can't find anything to fit and she's going to cry!
KB: AS your next fittings here...
AS: *terrified eyes* what! No!
KB: it's a double...
Moi: hahahahahaha
AS: *gonna pass out through fear eyes* I can't....
MR: If your still drunk, I'll take them through and you can do my appointment. I don't mind covering, we've all been out the night before and been a bit green the next day, you do look green...
EA: look (rubs belly) I'm sooooo bloated, I don't know if I need to poo...
MR: am I the only one working! Covering for green fitters!
MR: EP I do love you, even though I lock you in cupboards and shout at you... (aside) schizophrenic...
AS: I can't drink anymore of this... It reminds me of VK Orange...
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Just another manic... Wednesday?
WTF is going on with people!
Cust: I'm a 30hh and there's a really nice green and grey bra upstairs....
Moi: (after a very long pause) the moulded plunge?
Cust: yeah that's the one...
Moi: that one only goes up to a g
Cust: 32g?
Cust: I want her to get measured...
KA: we haven't got a fitter free as she's with someone at the moment and we shut in 20 minutes...
Cust: (interrupting) she wants a strapless...
KA: as I said the fitters with someone but you can try some on and I can check you in them
Cust: humph...
Cust: I want a fitting...
Moi: ok, the fitters going to be free in about 40 minutes, is that going to be ok?
Cust: yeah that's fine...
Moi: what are you looking for today?
Cust: exactly what I'm wearing...
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Cust: I'm a 30hh and there's a really nice green and grey bra upstairs....
Moi: (after a very long pause) the moulded plunge?
Cust: yeah that's the one...
Moi: that one only goes up to a g
Cust: 32g?
Cust: I want her to get measured...
KA: we haven't got a fitter free as she's with someone at the moment and we shut in 20 minutes...
Cust: (interrupting) she wants a strapless...
KA: as I said the fitters with someone but you can try some on and I can check you in them
Cust: humph...
Cust: I want a fitting...
Moi: ok, the fitters going to be free in about 40 minutes, is that going to be ok?
Cust: yeah that's fine...
Moi: what are you looking for today?
Cust: exactly what I'm wearing...
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Wednesday, 12 May 2010
The wheels on the bus...
I think I should start getting a later train to see more of the freaks on the bus!
There's a bloke picking up tickets from the floor around him.
A woman, who is on the wrong side of large, sitting on a seat next to someone and having to have one arse cheek hanging off.
A woman who sounds like she comes from Essex and can only be discribed as an OAP (old age prostitute!)
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There's a bloke picking up tickets from the floor around him.
A woman, who is on the wrong side of large, sitting on a seat next to someone and having to have one arse cheek hanging off.
A woman who sounds like she comes from Essex and can only be discribed as an OAP (old age prostitute!)
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Monday, 10 May 2010
They bring out the worst in us...
Overflowing 36 box...
This prompted the following conversation...
Moi: can I put these in your box?
VG: nice....
Moi: MR has almost emptied her box
MR: yes I have... my box is empty as it has been for months. But at least it's nice and tidy...
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This prompted the following conversation...
Moi: can I put these in your box?
VG: nice....
Moi: MR has almost emptied her box
MR: yes I have... my box is empty as it has been for months. But at least it's nice and tidy...
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We heart the old till system!
While having a very productive day we started looking up some rude words to see if anyone was listed with them as a name... Some were clearly made up and some... Well let's just say it's what deed poll was invented for!
Helen Pooie
Marrion Knoblock
Iama Knobb
Mr Piss Lips
Bisi Shitta
Anu Shitta
Rose Arsecodd
Ms Peniston
Ms Wanklyn
Ms Wankovski
Ms Cunte
Mrs Craig Tit-Tit Ponting
V. Vagic
Ms Bachelet Bastard
Hans Boob
E Buma
Rich Boobie
A Fuchs
Caddie Fucci
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Helen Pooie
Marrion Knoblock
Iama Knobb
Mr Piss Lips
Bisi Shitta
Anu Shitta
Rose Arsecodd
Ms Peniston
Ms Wanklyn
Ms Wankovski
Ms Cunte
Mrs Craig Tit-Tit Ponting
V. Vagic
Ms Bachelet Bastard
Hans Boob
E Buma
Rich Boobie
A Fuchs
Caddie Fucci
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Sunday, 2 May 2010
Saturday nighter!
EA: flashing my gash.... Earlier KA was flashing my gash... Well not my gash her gash obv!
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Wednesday, 28 April 2010
Shop floor twat laps...
We all had pedometers today. Some of us could clip them on our waistbands, others had to clip them on their tights/leggins.
Everyone was very competitive, going to great lengths to see who could get the most steps...
KA prances around like a fairy
AS jumped up and down
EP walked around and around
There was some blatant cheating going on as well....
EA shook hers -50
EP and AS kept tapping theirs -100 each!
FC kept jiggiling her leg -100
When told off for their cheating there were various excuses...
'i can't help it'
'i'm keeping warm'
'it's a way of keeping moving without looking like a retard'
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Everyone was very competitive, going to great lengths to see who could get the most steps...
KA prances around like a fairy
AS jumped up and down
EP walked around and around
There was some blatant cheating going on as well....
EA shook hers -50
EP and AS kept tapping theirs -100 each!
FC kept jiggiling her leg -100
When told off for their cheating there were various excuses...
'i can't help it'
'i'm keeping warm'
'it's a way of keeping moving without looking like a retard'
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Wednesday, 21 April 2010
Wednesday again
Cust: do you do measuring?
Moi: yes we do
Cust: I've had a gastric band and I need sorting out my boobs are shit (lifts boobs up and then drops them) I told my doctor I got measured at m&s and she said they were shit and she told me to go to the one in the grand arcade but la senza don't do nothin'
Moi: I think she might mean rigby and pellar?
Cust: what's that then?
Moi: they are expensive but they do do the same thing as us but they only specialise in their own brand where as we carry lots of different brands
Cust: where is it then
Moi: third floor, if you take the escalator near la senza, do you want me to check when the fitters are free?
Cust: do I need an appointment as we are only here for the day?
Moi: we take appointment but also have a first come first serve list as well, let me just check...
A moment later....
Moi: I have a fitter free in ten minutes and then the fitting in itself will take about fifteen to twenty minutes, is that going to be ok for you?
Cust: oh I don't know if I can wait that long, I want to go to mcdonalds....
Gastric band/mcdonalds.... What's the point!
MO: I don't know if I like this it's a bit yellow...
(looking at new cream chiffon dress, puts hand up the sleeve)
MO: I dunno it's ok once you've got your flesh up it....
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Moi: yes we do
Cust: I've had a gastric band and I need sorting out my boobs are shit (lifts boobs up and then drops them) I told my doctor I got measured at m&s and she said they were shit and she told me to go to the one in the grand arcade but la senza don't do nothin'
Moi: I think she might mean rigby and pellar?
Cust: what's that then?
Moi: they are expensive but they do do the same thing as us but they only specialise in their own brand where as we carry lots of different brands
Cust: where is it then
Moi: third floor, if you take the escalator near la senza, do you want me to check when the fitters are free?
Cust: do I need an appointment as we are only here for the day?
Moi: we take appointment but also have a first come first serve list as well, let me just check...
A moment later....
Moi: I have a fitter free in ten minutes and then the fitting in itself will take about fifteen to twenty minutes, is that going to be ok for you?
Cust: oh I don't know if I can wait that long, I want to go to mcdonalds....
Gastric band/mcdonalds.... What's the point!
MO: I don't know if I like this it's a bit yellow...
(looking at new cream chiffon dress, puts hand up the sleeve)
MO: I dunno it's ok once you've got your flesh up it....
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Monday, 12 April 2010
What else?
Fucking Monday! Train delayed by two hours! AS being told off for not being in on time. KB not having her correct hours.
Funny things...
EA declaring that myself and her have caught gay desease...
AS wedging herself and a box in the booth, with her arse round the door frame
Charly walking up to AS and saying 'hello tho'
EA and myself repeatedly ending everything with 'innit tho' and AS telling us that she's going to kill us
AS stating that it's been emotional
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Funny things...
EA declaring that myself and her have caught gay desease...
AS wedging herself and a box in the booth, with her arse round the door frame
Charly walking up to AS and saying 'hello tho'
EA and myself repeatedly ending everything with 'innit tho' and AS telling us that she's going to kill us
AS stating that it's been emotional
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Saturday, 3 April 2010
Saturday service!
Moi: let me just get the strap on...
(the strap on the strapless bra!)
AS: can we please put the heating on people keep complaining about my hands!
Moi: have you not put them under the hot tap?
AS: I've done that there still cold! Feel them!
(grabs hold of my arm, hands are freezing!)
Moi: well feel mine!
(I grab her arms, my hands are toasty!)
AS: oh my god! What's wrong with you!
Later on...
AS: please can we put the heating on?
Moi: are you trying to kill us? It's because you have a cold heart.
AS: your wrong, cold hands warm heart, you however are heartless!
Moi: I'm going to put all my debts onto robs credit cards, and he's going to get a company car, we want a 4x4 crossover....
VG: oh my god!
AS: you are so un-enviromental!
Moi: cows are un-enviromental that's why we should eat them all...
(AS gives me her best *your not funny look*)
Moi: you should see our patio heater and our gas barbeque...
AS: i'm going to kill you in your sleep...
KA: Ive got itchy tits....
(everytime I look at her she's scratching)
Moi: STOP SCRATCHING!
The new and improved picture board!
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(the strap on the strapless bra!)
AS: can we please put the heating on people keep complaining about my hands!
Moi: have you not put them under the hot tap?
AS: I've done that there still cold! Feel them!
(grabs hold of my arm, hands are freezing!)
Moi: well feel mine!
(I grab her arms, my hands are toasty!)
AS: oh my god! What's wrong with you!
Later on...
AS: please can we put the heating on?
Moi: are you trying to kill us? It's because you have a cold heart.
AS: your wrong, cold hands warm heart, you however are heartless!
Moi: I'm going to put all my debts onto robs credit cards, and he's going to get a company car, we want a 4x4 crossover....
VG: oh my god!
AS: you are so un-enviromental!
Moi: cows are un-enviromental that's why we should eat them all...
(AS gives me her best *your not funny look*)
Moi: you should see our patio heater and our gas barbeque...
AS: i'm going to kill you in your sleep...
KA: Ive got itchy tits....
(everytime I look at her she's scratching)
Moi: STOP SCRATCHING!
The new and improved picture board!
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Friday, 2 April 2010
Good Friday
AS: do you watch monk?
Moi: I have done...
( I then start thinking about something else and AS asks another question which I don't really hear)
Moi: it's not really my cup of tea..
AS: Katie is an it! And she's not your cup of tea! That's so mean!
Moi: what!? Your not talking about monk anymore!?
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Moi: I have done...
( I then start thinking about something else and AS asks another question which I don't really hear)
Moi: it's not really my cup of tea..
AS: Katie is an it! And she's not your cup of tea! That's so mean!
Moi: what!? Your not talking about monk anymore!?
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Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Hyperactivity!
KA: hi! I've come to cover you.... With love...
Moi: you've come to smother me
JH: (pretending to be someone else) I'm a fitter, please ask the person who is dealing with the 15 other people...
KA: I want to cover you in love and pellets and hugs...
Moi: you want to cover me in pellets!
KA: love pellets!
Moi: you want to shoot me!
VG: I'll do it, but what are you going to bribe me with...
Moi: this creme egg...
VG: that's mine anyway!
KA: I've got a licence to kill...
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Moi: you've come to smother me
JH: (pretending to be someone else) I'm a fitter, please ask the person who is dealing with the 15 other people...
KA: I want to cover you in love and pellets and hugs...
Moi: you want to cover me in pellets!
KA: love pellets!
Moi: you want to shoot me!
VG: I'll do it, but what are you going to bribe me with...
Moi: this creme egg...
VG: that's mine anyway!
KA: I've got a licence to kill...
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Tuesday, 30 March 2010
Let's eat!
Going back to the eating babies converstation that went on outside costa on Monday morning....
That's right, there will be blood.... when I eat them....
Nom nom nom....
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Summer line! Avaliable now!
Get the topless sunbathing look while still hiding your flab!
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When halloween comes around...
I vote we should get this in stock, suitable for all ages (apparently...?)
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- Posted using BlogPress for iPhone
Monday, 29 March 2010
Zombie escape plan.. 1.0
Ok so here's the deal. If zombies ever do strike when myself EA and AS are sat outside costa then this is our plan of action to save ourselves...
1- head to the police station, send AS in to get us some guns....
2- hijack a bus.
3- if AS fails us on the gun front or there was not enough guns then we go to waterbeach barraks and get us some shootaz...
4- EA drives us to collect EC.
5- we drive back to Newmarket road tescos to pick up supplies
(now the plan can go in any one of three directions from here...)
6a- we get stuck in tescos, but that's ok as we have loads of food, loads of entertainment, loads of guns and a 24-7 pub.
6b- we can't get on the bus again so we find two river boats on the cam. Tie them together and EA, EC and I can live on one AS can live on the other with the cows we have herded up from midsummer common. When she's not looking we will pick one off to eat and just tell her it wandered off, we will keep traveling until we find somewhere pretty and hide out in the countryside.
6c- we get back on the bus drive to a port and hijack a ferry and live in the middle of the channel until it all dies down.
There were some issues to the plan like if we were on water EA is not compatible with fishy things, although with that, she said she would be eating fish then throwing it up. Not a bad way to lose weight though, she agreed calling it the 'apocolypse diet'. Also if we run into any sticky situations then we are using AS as zombie fodder due to her wanting to cuddle the animals that we may need to eat...
Apart from that! It can't fail!
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1- head to the police station, send AS in to get us some guns....
2- hijack a bus.
3- if AS fails us on the gun front or there was not enough guns then we go to waterbeach barraks and get us some shootaz...
4- EA drives us to collect EC.
5- we drive back to Newmarket road tescos to pick up supplies
(now the plan can go in any one of three directions from here...)
6a- we get stuck in tescos, but that's ok as we have loads of food, loads of entertainment, loads of guns and a 24-7 pub.
6b- we can't get on the bus again so we find two river boats on the cam. Tie them together and EA, EC and I can live on one AS can live on the other with the cows we have herded up from midsummer common. When she's not looking we will pick one off to eat and just tell her it wandered off, we will keep traveling until we find somewhere pretty and hide out in the countryside.
6c- we get back on the bus drive to a port and hijack a ferry and live in the middle of the channel until it all dies down.
There were some issues to the plan like if we were on water EA is not compatible with fishy things, although with that, she said she would be eating fish then throwing it up. Not a bad way to lose weight though, she agreed calling it the 'apocolypse diet'. Also if we run into any sticky situations then we are using AS as zombie fodder due to her wanting to cuddle the animals that we may need to eat...
Apart from that! It can't fail!
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Sunny Monday!
AS: i need to get more iron, i need to eat more red meat
Moi: lambs nice
AS: NOO! how can you say that lambs are too cute to eat!
EA: I love steak...
Moi: calf is really nice...
AS: that's horrible! Why do you like eating babies!
Moi: it's what their there for!
AS: I just want to cuddle them, I hate you, your my nemisis!
AS: any need for the sunglasses?
Moi: why am I embarressing you?
AS: no....
Moi: I need them to shield my eyes from the glare from my legs....
EA: look at this...
(shows AS and myself the PA04 she is wearing and how big it comes up on her tiny boob)
Moi: it really lifts you up though and you look smaller....
EA: I've got huge boobs and I want to show them off...
(returns wearing a PNB2)
EA: see that's so much better...
Moi: yeah but the're jelly bean boobs now...
AS: jelly bean?
Moi: yeah sort of oval, jelly bean shape...
EA: just cos you like yours to be mega pointy! (sticks her index fingers out from her own boobs) wooooh!
Moi: yeah all right, so I like mine to have their own post code....
AS: were you really a topless dancer!
JJ: no I used to be a dancer in Ibiza and I have gone topless....
Moi: with those H's?
JJ: oi you! I AM NOT A H CUP!
JJ: so did you forget the clock change?
Moi: no I didn't...
JJ: someone must of!
Moi: someone did...
JJ: go one who was it?!
(restrained laughter from JH)
Moi: MR!
JJ: get away! I thought it would have been you!
(thanks! What are you trying to imply!?!)
Moi: yeah, she came up and asked what time it was as her watch must have stopped, she thought it was quater to eleven when it was quater to twelve...
JJ: oh my god! She must have been fuming!
Moi: she was aplogizing all day!
JH: you know though if it would have been anyone else she would have been like (puts on a really posh voice) 'it's disgusting being late how could they forget?'
AS: (laughs behind my back)
Moi: what!
AS: it's just your hair sticking up in a bizzare way
EA: pineapple head!
AS: yeah! That's it! (more laughing)
Moi: I prefere to think of it as startled cockatoo...
AS: what's the time?
Moi: four minutes past....
AS: ok.... (lesurely hoovering commences)
(bit later....)
Moi: you do realise it's nearly quater past?
AS: what! A minute ago it was just gone six! (frantic hoovering commences...) owwwww my basketball arm!
Moi: I need a fitter!
(I study the options I have; JJ and JH laughing so much they are crying/threatening to leave puddles on the carpet or AS who is scurrying round trying to get all the picklist)
Moi: AS could you do it...?
AS: yeah, we'll leave them to wet themselves...
Moi: I feel like pochahauntas today...
AS: yeah! Just a white haired version...
Moi: alpine pochahauntas.....
AS: mmmuuuhhhhh...
(shoves hands in waistband of trousers)
Moi: get your hands out of your pants!
AS: there not in my pants! Oh my arm hurts too.... It's a world of pain today...
AS: I didn't know that if I came off the pill I would come on early... Two weeks early...
Moi: your kidding right?!
AS: no, I've never taken the pill before, I thought it would clear my spots up!
Moi: you didn't realise that's why there is a three week supply...
AS: nooooo..... *unhappy face*
AS: HAHAHAHA!
Moi: what?
AS: I can't say it's horrible
Moi: tell me
AS: no I can't (more laughing)
Moi: just tell me...
AS: you reminded me of big bird from the back
Moi: big bird!?
AS: yeah it's just your hair...
Moi: ohhh I miss big bird...!
AS: he freaked me out
Moi: well at least I didn't remind you of a big bird!
Moi: lambs nice
AS: NOO! how can you say that lambs are too cute to eat!
EA: I love steak...
Moi: calf is really nice...
AS: that's horrible! Why do you like eating babies!
Moi: it's what their there for!
AS: I just want to cuddle them, I hate you, your my nemisis!
AS: any need for the sunglasses?
Moi: why am I embarressing you?
AS: no....
Moi: I need them to shield my eyes from the glare from my legs....
EA: look at this...
(shows AS and myself the PA04 she is wearing and how big it comes up on her tiny boob)
Moi: it really lifts you up though and you look smaller....
EA: I've got huge boobs and I want to show them off...
(returns wearing a PNB2)
EA: see that's so much better...
Moi: yeah but the're jelly bean boobs now...
AS: jelly bean?
Moi: yeah sort of oval, jelly bean shape...
EA: just cos you like yours to be mega pointy! (sticks her index fingers out from her own boobs) wooooh!
Moi: yeah all right, so I like mine to have their own post code....
AS: were you really a topless dancer!
JJ: no I used to be a dancer in Ibiza and I have gone topless....
Moi: with those H's?
JJ: oi you! I AM NOT A H CUP!
JJ: so did you forget the clock change?
Moi: no I didn't...
JJ: someone must of!
Moi: someone did...
JJ: go one who was it?!
(restrained laughter from JH)
Moi: MR!
JJ: get away! I thought it would have been you!
(thanks! What are you trying to imply!?!)
Moi: yeah, she came up and asked what time it was as her watch must have stopped, she thought it was quater to eleven when it was quater to twelve...
JJ: oh my god! She must have been fuming!
Moi: she was aplogizing all day!
JH: you know though if it would have been anyone else she would have been like (puts on a really posh voice) 'it's disgusting being late how could they forget?'
AS: (laughs behind my back)
Moi: what!
AS: it's just your hair sticking up in a bizzare way
EA: pineapple head!
AS: yeah! That's it! (more laughing)
Moi: I prefere to think of it as startled cockatoo...
AS: what's the time?
Moi: four minutes past....
AS: ok.... (lesurely hoovering commences)
(bit later....)
Moi: you do realise it's nearly quater past?
AS: what! A minute ago it was just gone six! (frantic hoovering commences...) owwwww my basketball arm!
Moi: I need a fitter!
(I study the options I have; JJ and JH laughing so much they are crying/threatening to leave puddles on the carpet or AS who is scurrying round trying to get all the picklist)
Moi: AS could you do it...?
AS: yeah, we'll leave them to wet themselves...
Moi: I feel like pochahauntas today...
AS: yeah! Just a white haired version...
Moi: alpine pochahauntas.....
AS: mmmuuuhhhhh...
(shoves hands in waistband of trousers)
Moi: get your hands out of your pants!
AS: there not in my pants! Oh my arm hurts too.... It's a world of pain today...
AS: I didn't know that if I came off the pill I would come on early... Two weeks early...
Moi: your kidding right?!
AS: no, I've never taken the pill before, I thought it would clear my spots up!
Moi: you didn't realise that's why there is a three week supply...
AS: nooooo..... *unhappy face*
AS: HAHAHAHA!
Moi: what?
AS: I can't say it's horrible
Moi: tell me
AS: no I can't (more laughing)
Moi: just tell me...
AS: you reminded me of big bird from the back
Moi: big bird!?
AS: yeah it's just your hair...
Moi: ohhh I miss big bird...!
AS: he freaked me out
Moi: well at least I didn't remind you of a big bird!
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Sunny Saturday!
MR: well these look like a traffic accident!
(whilst looking at the 30's)
AS: you said KA was funnier than me
KA: (without AS hearing) well that's a given...
AS: slag!
Moi: and who was that aimed at?
AS: you!
Moi: not at KA then for saying it's a given that she's funnier than you?
AS: your both slags!
Moi: I'm loosing the will to live here!
MR: surely that's my pennance paid now, I thought you wanted to get through them all and wondered why you were doing it by the book, I can see why now if all three of them had gone in we wouldn't have all fitted in the room!
Moi: I did cringe a bit when I saw them...
MR: did you see the groom? He's Scottish and is going to wear a kilt!
Moi: he's not wearing one now is he?
MR: no, could you imagine him sat on the sofa with it all hanging out...I asked him if he was the lucky man and he said i'm not sure about that!
Moi: was he big?
MR: he was huge, the other three looked like him in drag....
Moi: I can imagine the wedding photos!
KA: I've just had this woman have a go at me cos the waits twenty minutes, so in the end I just said ok, thank you!
Moi: what you were thinking was fuck you!
KA: cunt you!
AS: eeewwww....!
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(whilst looking at the 30's)
AS: you said KA was funnier than me
KA: (without AS hearing) well that's a given...
AS: slag!
Moi: and who was that aimed at?
AS: you!
Moi: not at KA then for saying it's a given that she's funnier than you?
AS: your both slags!
Moi: I'm loosing the will to live here!
MR: surely that's my pennance paid now, I thought you wanted to get through them all and wondered why you were doing it by the book, I can see why now if all three of them had gone in we wouldn't have all fitted in the room!
Moi: I did cringe a bit when I saw them...
MR: did you see the groom? He's Scottish and is going to wear a kilt!
Moi: he's not wearing one now is he?
MR: no, could you imagine him sat on the sofa with it all hanging out...I asked him if he was the lucky man and he said i'm not sure about that!
Moi: was he big?
MR: he was huge, the other three looked like him in drag....
Moi: I can imagine the wedding photos!
KA: I've just had this woman have a go at me cos the waits twenty minutes, so in the end I just said ok, thank you!
Moi: what you were thinking was fuck you!
KA: cunt you!
AS: eeewwww....!
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Mean!
AS: ohh have you seen the 32's there as big as you!
(you have got to be kidding me look thrown her way)
AS: oh god! (horrified face) I didn't mean wide I meant tall!
JH: alright fuckers?
AS: pnf7 lady only wants you...
Moi: ohhh! Why!? I saw her in costa and my blood ran cold!
JJ: one day my cardigan was a 14 then it was a 16, I'm not happy.
(JH and I exchange sniggers over JJ's shoulder)
Later on....
Moi: was it you who swapped JJ's cardigan?
JH: no. How could you think such a thing! (laughing)
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(you have got to be kidding me look thrown her way)
AS: oh god! (horrified face) I didn't mean wide I meant tall!
JH: alright fuckers?
AS: pnf7 lady only wants you...
Moi: ohhh! Why!? I saw her in costa and my blood ran cold!
JJ: one day my cardigan was a 14 then it was a 16, I'm not happy.
(JH and I exchange sniggers over JJ's shoulder)
Later on....
Moi: was it you who swapped JJ's cardigan?
JH: no. How could you think such a thing! (laughing)
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Thursday, 25 March 2010
Tard Thursday...
Lady: I don't need black, I'm going to be a bridesmaid so I need wedding lingerie....
Cust: I need a 34D...
AS: well, that one does come up small in the cup...
Cust: I think I know my size!
(whilst busting out all over the place)
(on the radio)
Moi: can you look for a bra?
AS: sure what one?
Moi: it's the Shiraz... (desperately trying to think of a nice word for vomit) the coral one on the front...
AS: what?
MR: I heard Shiraz... I've appeared at the mention of Shiraz!
Moi: (still with the talk button open on the radio and laughing hysterically) in a 36ff!
MR collecting the rubbish
MR: bring out your dead....
JJ: I'm on the skank for some pretty things...
Moi: I've got some pretty things here...
JJ: they're not pretty enough, I like the word skank, it's the word of the day...
JJ: (not finding what she wanted, flicks the crate a V) skank!
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Cust: I need a 34D...
AS: well, that one does come up small in the cup...
Cust: I think I know my size!
(whilst busting out all over the place)
(on the radio)
Moi: can you look for a bra?
AS: sure what one?
Moi: it's the Shiraz... (desperately trying to think of a nice word for vomit) the coral one on the front...
AS: what?
MR: I heard Shiraz... I've appeared at the mention of Shiraz!
Moi: (still with the talk button open on the radio and laughing hysterically) in a 36ff!
MR collecting the rubbish
MR: bring out your dead....
JJ: I'm on the skank for some pretty things...
Moi: I've got some pretty things here...
JJ: they're not pretty enough, I like the word skank, it's the word of the day...
JJ: (not finding what she wanted, flicks the crate a V) skank!
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Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Smile!
Phone call earlier from a rather strange lady who was so set on what she was saying that she couldn't/wouldn't understand what I was saying.
Lady: I wonder if you could help me i'm looking for a vanity fair bra
Moi: we have got some, what one were you looking for
Lady: it's one I wear all the time.
Moi: do you know the code...
Lady: (interupting) 535
Moi: that's the suplier code, is it one you have seen from the website?
Lady: that's the code on the lable...
Moi: yes that's the suplier one, we use a different one so I will have to check the lables (puts on hold)
EA is at the bottom of the stairs as I go by so I make the universal sign for 'wanker' next to my head followed by the universal sign for 'phone'
EA: you've got a head fuck on the phone then?
(take lady off hold)
Moi: the one we have is L760
Lady: that's not a bit like 535
Moi: no, it's one that has buttons down the middle and comes in black and white...
Lady: why does it say you stock vanity fair then, your the second store I've phoned that doesn't have it.
Moi: we do stock vanity fair just not that particular one and all of the stores have the same stock.
Lady: well I should give you all a miss then?
Moi: yeah, sorry though.
A quick google later showed that neither vanity fair with or without the code 535 brought us up as a place that stocks that bra!
Where did she find this info!? Surely if she looked at the website to see we do vanity fair she would have seen the ones we do! Idiot!
MR's cust on the phone who asked her to look for some sets so she could try them on tomorrow as she was going up to Leeds Friday afternoon. MR took custs phone number and said she would phone back in five minutes to let her know what we had. MR phones back, mum of cust answers saying that daughter (cust who first phones) had gone out. She couldn't understand that we don't have all of the items and that can't make the items we have magically appear in the stock room at Leeds, over night when we were phoned at about half five in the first place!
MR: who left the mugs in the sink after I washed up? We can't live like sluts here...
(JJ walks in with a bikini top on) JJ: oooh I can (jiggles boobs up and down)
Moi: Are we doing anything with the naked lady in the window?
EA: ohhh is she naked?
Moi: yep, and her arms on the floor!
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Lady: I wonder if you could help me i'm looking for a vanity fair bra
Moi: we have got some, what one were you looking for
Lady: it's one I wear all the time.
Moi: do you know the code...
Lady: (interupting) 535
Moi: that's the suplier code, is it one you have seen from the website?
Lady: that's the code on the lable...
Moi: yes that's the suplier one, we use a different one so I will have to check the lables (puts on hold)
EA is at the bottom of the stairs as I go by so I make the universal sign for 'wanker' next to my head followed by the universal sign for 'phone'
EA: you've got a head fuck on the phone then?
(take lady off hold)
Moi: the one we have is L760
Lady: that's not a bit like 535
Moi: no, it's one that has buttons down the middle and comes in black and white...
Lady: why does it say you stock vanity fair then, your the second store I've phoned that doesn't have it.
Moi: we do stock vanity fair just not that particular one and all of the stores have the same stock.
Lady: well I should give you all a miss then?
Moi: yeah, sorry though.
A quick google later showed that neither vanity fair with or without the code 535 brought us up as a place that stocks that bra!
Where did she find this info!? Surely if she looked at the website to see we do vanity fair she would have seen the ones we do! Idiot!
MR's cust on the phone who asked her to look for some sets so she could try them on tomorrow as she was going up to Leeds Friday afternoon. MR took custs phone number and said she would phone back in five minutes to let her know what we had. MR phones back, mum of cust answers saying that daughter (cust who first phones) had gone out. She couldn't understand that we don't have all of the items and that can't make the items we have magically appear in the stock room at Leeds, over night when we were phoned at about half five in the first place!
MR: who left the mugs in the sink after I washed up? We can't live like sluts here...
(JJ walks in with a bikini top on) JJ: oooh I can (jiggles boobs up and down)
Moi: Are we doing anything with the naked lady in the window?
EA: ohhh is she naked?
Moi: yep, and her arms on the floor!
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Saturday, 20 March 2010
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