Bit of a squeeze, Holly Valance?
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Message
(answephone)
Cust: I've seen a dress on sale on the website and I'm hoping you have them in store... I might be a 10 or a 12 or even a 14... Can you give me a ring back if you have them?
Cust: I've seen a dress on sale on the website and I'm hoping you have them in store... I might be a 10 or a 12 or even a 14... Can you give me a ring back if you have them?
Purple
So, if a cust asked you to get the purple what colour would you pick?
The answer is the middle one...
The answer is the middle one...
Bin it
(cust comes in and wants to buy the fluffy dressing gown but the only one in her size has a make up mark on it)
Cust: can you give me a discount on this as there's a mark on it
BT: I can't give you a discount but my manager is downstairs, she might be able to...
Cust: (writes down her name and number) get her to give me a ring so we can make a deal...
BT: she's only downstairs, I can get her...
Cust: no... (cust leaves)
BT: what should I do with this?
KM: bin it... Oh hang on... EM will love this...
(KM takes it to EM later on, who does enjoy it)
(Cust comes back)
Cust: did you speak to your manager?
BT: yeah... She said she can't take anything else off it...
Cust: I'll buy it anyway... What should I use to get the mark off?
BT: err... Water... And just wash it?
Cust: can you give me a discount on this as there's a mark on it
BT: I can't give you a discount but my manager is downstairs, she might be able to...
Cust: (writes down her name and number) get her to give me a ring so we can make a deal...
BT: she's only downstairs, I can get her...
Cust: no... (cust leaves)
BT: what should I do with this?
KM: bin it... Oh hang on... EM will love this...
(KM takes it to EM later on, who does enjoy it)
(Cust comes back)
Cust: did you speak to your manager?
BT: yeah... She said she can't take anything else off it...
Cust: I'll buy it anyway... What should I use to get the mark off?
BT: err... Water... And just wash it?
People
EM: where's KM?
HS: I don't know? Upstairs? If I find her shall I send her down?
EM: yeah... (EM waits at the bottom of the stairs, minion bell ready to give her)
KM: oooh...
EM: I just need to put the figures on, get them to give you a ring if someone comes down as there's no one trying on...
(KM gets HP and BT to ring if someone comes down and carries on with the picklist, EM and KM laugh about the 'vag smudge' *see last post* EM goes back into the office to carry on with the figures)
EM: err... Do you know there are people downstairs?
KM: WHAT THE FUCK!?!
EM: did they not ring?
KM: NO!
HS: I don't know? Upstairs? If I find her shall I send her down?
EM: yeah... (EM waits at the bottom of the stairs, minion bell ready to give her)
KM: oooh...
EM: I just need to put the figures on, get them to give you a ring if someone comes down as there's no one trying on...
(KM gets HP and BT to ring if someone comes down and carries on with the picklist, EM and KM laugh about the 'vag smudge' *see last post* EM goes back into the office to carry on with the figures)
EM: err... Do you know there are people downstairs?
KM: WHAT THE FUCK!?!
EM: did they not ring?
KM: NO!
Minging
(KM is checking the state of the picklist and bagging it)
KM: ohhhh! This one has a dirty gusset!
EM: a vag smudge?
KM: yeah... It's in the wrong place to be a bum smudge...
EM: and it's still got the tags on...
KM: oh, someone's tried it on...
KM: ohhhh! This one has a dirty gusset!
EM: a vag smudge?
KM: yeah... It's in the wrong place to be a bum smudge...
EM: and it's still got the tags on...
KM: oh, someone's tried it on...
Small and humble...
I want my breasts to be small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains...
Minimisers
RG: urgh... This lady wants a minimiser...
EM: take her a sports bra, I always do when they want a minimiser... I tell them that it's the only thing that's going to squash them flat...
RG: errr....
KM: isn't it her first fitting...
RG: yeah... I've told her that she's right in the middle of our sizes...
KM: it's because she's ignorant...
EM: take her a sports bra, I always do when they want a minimiser... I tell them that it's the only thing that's going to squash them flat...
RG: errr....
KM: isn't it her first fitting...
RG: yeah... I've told her that she's right in the middle of our sizes...
KM: it's because she's ignorant...
BO
EM: it fucking stinks of BO out there...
RG: urgh... Yesterday there was a woman, no lie, that smelt of sweaty balls. She was sweating so much when she was trying on that it looked like she had stepped out of the shower... If your that unfit that you sweat that much just trying on a bra you should do something about it
EM: like use bloody deodorant! Is it really that hard!
Pleasant
Cust: (to partner) I'm sweating! I didn't know trying on bras was going to be so hard! Do you want a drink?
Partner: no, I'm fine, foxy...
(she was a 40e)
Pointless
Cust: can I ask you a question?
BT: sure
Cust: what's your smallest size
BT: we start from a 28d
Cust: oh... I need the opposite of your shop (turns sideways) does anywhere do smaller sizes?
EM: places do start from a AA but that would mean that your completely flat chested...
Cust: I know...
EM: I think you would need a 28 back as well and not many people do them... What size do you wear at the moment?
Cust: either a 28 or 30 a or b but even then they are loose (means on the cup)
EM: I'd probably try John Lewis or Debenhams as they do the same brands but in the smaller cups...
(later after EM tells KM, HS and RG about it)
KM: what! She doesn't need a bra!
EM: they do those sizes in the kids department at tescos...
KM: ohhhhhhh! oh dear!
BT: sure
Cust: what's your smallest size
BT: we start from a 28d
Cust: oh... I need the opposite of your shop (turns sideways) does anywhere do smaller sizes?
EM: places do start from a AA but that would mean that your completely flat chested...
Cust: I know...
EM: I think you would need a 28 back as well and not many people do them... What size do you wear at the moment?
Cust: either a 28 or 30 a or b but even then they are loose (means on the cup)
EM: I'd probably try John Lewis or Debenhams as they do the same brands but in the smaller cups...
(later after EM tells KM, HS and RG about it)
KM: what! She doesn't need a bra!
EM: they do those sizes in the kids department at tescos...
KM: ohhhhhhh! oh dear!
Any more information...
Cust: (at till) I've got two dresses...
HP: ok...
Cust: they were saved...
HP: I see, if you go downstairs they can get them for you
Cust: ok (she goes downstairs)
EM: hi, how can I help?
Cust: I left something...
EM: you left something?!
Cust: yes. I left two dresses here yesterday
EM: oh... I'll go and see if I can find them... What's your name?
Cust: Katie... (EM goes into the stockroom, EM can't find them and goes upstairs)
EM: what dresses where they?
HP: I don't know (has another look under the till) oh... Here it is...
(EM takes them down to the customer who just takes them upstairs without saying anything)
HP: ok...
Cust: they were saved...
HP: I see, if you go downstairs they can get them for you
Cust: ok (she goes downstairs)
EM: hi, how can I help?
Cust: I left something...
EM: you left something?!
Cust: yes. I left two dresses here yesterday
EM: oh... I'll go and see if I can find them... What's your name?
Cust: Katie... (EM goes into the stockroom, EM can't find them and goes upstairs)
EM: what dresses where they?
HP: I don't know (has another look under the till) oh... Here it is...
(EM takes them down to the customer who just takes them upstairs without saying anything)
Can I help you?
(cust comes downstairs and starts looking through the putting away rail)
EM: can... I help you?
Cust: yes... They said that there are more sizes down stairs in the clothing...
EM: we have in the new stock and the non sale... What one were you looking for?
Cust: do you have a catalogue?
EM: I do, but a lot of those are in the sale now
Cust: hmmm, I can't remember what one it was... (she looks thought the catalogue)
Cust: hmmm... Thank you... (cust puts catalogue down and wanders off... KM buries her head in the putting away rail and starts to laugh...)
EM: can... I help you?
Cust: yes... They said that there are more sizes down stairs in the clothing...
EM: we have in the new stock and the non sale... What one were you looking for?
Cust: do you have a catalogue?
EM: I do, but a lot of those are in the sale now
Cust: hmmm, I can't remember what one it was... (she looks thought the catalogue)
Cust: hmmm... Thank you... (cust puts catalogue down and wanders off... KM buries her head in the putting away rail and starts to laugh...)
Friday, 30 December 2011
Passport control woes
No photography allowed at passport control but LITBD couldn't let this one go!
Cv woes again
Amazing, so you can only speak English a little bit. And you want to work in a shop, where communication is really, really important...
Towie lies
Interview with Chloe Sims
34ee?! You must have had the shittest surgeon in the world. not only is there no way your a 34 a ee cup doesn't exist in the uk! And looking at you your way bigger than even an f...
Totally not a 34 back. More like a 28.
Wayyyyy bigger than a 34f. More like a 28j...
34ee?! You must have had the shittest surgeon in the world. not only is there no way your a 34 a ee cup doesn't exist in the uk! And looking at you your way bigger than even an f...
Totally not a 34 back. More like a 28.
Wayyyyy bigger than a 34f. More like a 28j...
That's not going to work
LITBD just read a review of Jennifer Ellison's new fitness DVD. Doing it for 20 minutes apparently burns more calories than an hour of aerobics and boy can you feel it. Dread to think how she managed it with this sports bra on...
And the full face of make-up too...
And the full face of make-up too...
Retarded reviews
Tiny keyhole to add detail... Check out the reason for return below...
I'm sorry? Do you have tiny mouse nipples running down your breast bone? That hole is tiny! Clearly haven't bought it, as then you would know the top half would have to have buttons all the way down for you to get your bap out of it.
Mumu, excellent...
moo moo... It gets better...
How about you call it by its proper name, it's a muumuu. Not a moo moo, are you wearing a cow???
The dress has a distinct brown pattern. I fail to see how you would blend in with it... A la corpse bride (who was blue for starters)
Actually it's meant to be empire line. And it does work with this skirt, amazingly well actually. Just because your'e clearly a freaky giant theres no need to be a bitch about it.
Translation: I'm too fat for it so I've decided that I don't want it because I think it's cheap looking rather than admit that I actually am an 18. (also the fabric is not cheap looking or feeling in the slightest. You just look like your having a strop because someone told you 'actually, you are a bit chunky')
Retarded reviews part 2
Dress has small armholes!
Same dress has huge armholes!
I would LOVE to be as 'not exactly massive' as you...
Hmmm, nice way to piss loads of people off, say that the dress looks like a granny's wedding dress...
The dress that is forever known as the 'snot and vomit dress'
It actually says that the slip is removable if you can wear it without the need for it... So of you can't get a plunge bra to fit, you would need something to go above the neckline so your bra is covered...
Get a bigger size then! If it's skin tight and makes you look like a lumpy sausage then your clearly not a 10!
BUY A BIGGER SIZE! You are allowed to do that, just like in any other store!!!
RETURNE!
Like everything else, just because it says it's one size, it doesn't mean that it's going to be exactly the same. So quit whining!
Where would you like the labels sewn exactly? Your face? Leave them off so you just have to guess? How exactly does it cheapen them? No label = knockoff...
Pimping
EM: are you done?
KM: nearly, she just wants a strapless, what size should I go for?
EM: try a 30g
KM: ok
EM: once you have done that I've got another task for you... A lady in number 6 has a daughter who is desperate to get fitted but she's only about ten...
KM: are you just getting me to do fittings on the down low?!
EM: yeah, we need someone child friendly, I don't think she would like a giant leaning over her!
KM: nearly, she just wants a strapless, what size should I go for?
EM: try a 30g
KM: ok
EM: once you have done that I've got another task for you... A lady in number 6 has a daughter who is desperate to get fitted but she's only about ten...
KM: are you just getting me to do fittings on the down low?!
EM: yeah, we need someone child friendly, I don't think she would like a giant leaning over her!
I don't think that's what you mean...
Man: (to MO as she walks past) these magazines are really racist
MO: what!
Man: there's nothing for men to read
MO: haha! That's because you need to catch up on women's gossip
(in stockroom)
EM: did he say racist?
MO: yeah
EM: did he not see the millions of copies of Esquire?
MO: probably not
EM: maybe we should get the copy with Daisy Lowe in it, turn it to the page where she's got her tits out and ask him 'is this more to your liking?'
MO: oooh, can we!
MO: what!
Man: there's nothing for men to read
MO: haha! That's because you need to catch up on women's gossip
(in stockroom)
EM: did he say racist?
MO: yeah
EM: did he not see the millions of copies of Esquire?
MO: probably not
EM: maybe we should get the copy with Daisy Lowe in it, turn it to the page where she's got her tits out and ask him 'is this more to your liking?'
MO: oooh, can we!
Smelly
EA: (in stockroom) someone really smells of pond out there...
EM: pond?!
EA: shush! Yes! Frog spawn and everything...
EM: mmm, wet dog...
EA: yeah, have a sniff when you go out...
(she wasn't lying!)
EM: pond?!
EA: shush! Yes! Frog spawn and everything...
EM: mmm, wet dog...
EA: yeah, have a sniff when you go out...
(she wasn't lying!)
Stock nemesis
(trying to accept in a delivery that is being worked on by another user)
EA: I've got her code on my phone (EM logs in as VG)
EM: there we go, I'll just have to blind receive them (EM clicks confirm put away) oh, hang on, there isn't the option to blind receive...
EA: what she must have done is scan them all in and not accepted them...
KM: who is this?
EA: VG!
KM: ohhhhh!
EA: I've got her code on my phone (EM logs in as VG)
EM: there we go, I'll just have to blind receive them (EM clicks confirm put away) oh, hang on, there isn't the option to blind receive...
EA: what she must have done is scan them all in and not accepted them...
KM: who is this?
EA: VG!
KM: ohhhhh!
Quote of the day
(EA using nail varnish remover pads to take off her red nail varnish with gold glitter)
EA: there we go... It does look like I've fingered an elf... But hey...
EA: there we go... It does look like I've fingered an elf... But hey...
Hormonal and pregnant
(pregnant lady was booked in for a fitting at 1pm, she didn't show up until 1:30)
EA: I'm sorry, we don't have anyone free at the moment as we were expecting you at 1pm
Cust: what! I booked in for 1:30 as that was the time I would be here!
EA: I'm really sorry but we only book times every twenty minutes, so, on the hour, twenty past and twenty to...
(customer starts raging...)
EA: it's ok, I'll take you through then...
(it's not like she needs a lunch or anything)
EA: I'm sorry, we don't have anyone free at the moment as we were expecting you at 1pm
Cust: what! I booked in for 1:30 as that was the time I would be here!
EA: I'm really sorry but we only book times every twenty minutes, so, on the hour, twenty past and twenty to...
(customer starts raging...)
EA: it's ok, I'll take you through then...
(it's not like she needs a lunch or anything)
Oh dear...
Some beautiful items found while LITBD was trawling the interweb...
This reminds me of something...
And it reminds me of the lady with the vaginal fungal infection who came in to tell JT that she had infected the shop... Ahhh, memories...
Sexy
Mmm, fishnet
Bug eyes... To cover your bug eyes...
Listed as a bandeau bra... Let's not lie about this, it's got straps, therefore it's not. You wouldn't put straps on a bandeau dress and still call it a bandeau dress...
You wouldn't want to get drunk and put your leg in the wrong bit...
£59 for this, don't think you need to say much more than that
Wonderbra ultimate plunge, good luck little bit of plastic in the middle... Also, asos had this to say about it...
Supportive for fuller busts?! If you breathed too sharply those puppies would make a bid for freedom!
This reminds me of something...
And it reminds me of the lady with the vaginal fungal infection who came in to tell JT that she had infected the shop... Ahhh, memories...
Sexy
Mmm, fishnet
Bug eyes... To cover your bug eyes...
Listed as a bandeau bra... Let's not lie about this, it's got straps, therefore it's not. You wouldn't put straps on a bandeau dress and still call it a bandeau dress...
You wouldn't want to get drunk and put your leg in the wrong bit...
£59 for this, don't think you need to say much more than that
Wonderbra ultimate plunge, good luck little bit of plastic in the middle... Also, asos had this to say about it...
Supportive for fuller busts?! If you breathed too sharply those puppies would make a bid for freedom!
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