JB: (while counting money) 88, 89, 90... a pound...
Friday, 14 December 2012
Friday, 30 November 2012
Good to know
(MR is talking about one of her ex husbands, who turned out to be gay)
MR: Matt broke my heart when he put his willy in that mans bottom...
MR: Matt broke my heart when he put his willy in that mans bottom...
Money money money
(JB is counting the banking, EM realises what she is doing and puts the money she was holding on the desk)
JB: What is this? This is the third pile of money I've picked up! Is it because you're a retard and can't count more than 100 at a time...
JB: What is this? This is the third pile of money I've picked up! Is it because you're a retard and can't count more than 100 at a time...
Give me a minute
(on radio)
JB: Can you bring me up a bra please?
EM: Errr... Youre going to have to give me a minute...
JB: Oh... Oh, I think I know why...
EM: Yep... What bras do you want?
JB: Tango in nude and white in a 34JJ and the Alana in nude in a 34KK
EM: Ok
(Few moments later EM brings up the bras and then goes back downstairs. Once the customer is gone JB rings on the radio)
JB: Is there any customers down there?
EM: Nope
JB: You're a dirty bitch
EM: Yep, I needed a poo
JB: You were having a poo!?!
EM: I needed to go, at least I took the phone with me!
JB: Can you bring me up a bra please?
EM: Errr... Youre going to have to give me a minute...
JB: Oh... Oh, I think I know why...
EM: Yep... What bras do you want?
JB: Tango in nude and white in a 34JJ and the Alana in nude in a 34KK
EM: Ok
(Few moments later EM brings up the bras and then goes back downstairs. Once the customer is gone JB rings on the radio)
JB: Is there any customers down there?
EM: Nope
JB: You're a dirty bitch
EM: Yep, I needed a poo
JB: You were having a poo!?!
EM: I needed to go, at least I took the phone with me!
Tuesday, 11 September 2012
Time portal
(cust comes into store at 5:45, she's a bit of a beast)
Cust: can I have a fitting?
HW: the fitter is with her last customer of the day as we close in 15 minutes...
Cust: I don't believe it! We've been here since 10... We've only just found you!
Cust: can I have a fitting?
HW: the fitter is with her last customer of the day as we close in 15 minutes...
Cust: I don't believe it! We've been here since 10... We've only just found you!
Biology fail
HP: you know when you eat and drink?
KM: yeah
HP: do they go to the into the same place?
KM: oh god... Yes... They do
EM: basic biology there!
HP: but what about when you poo and wee? They come out of different places...?
(EM explains the digestive tract to HP. HS overhears this as she's walking past the staff room door)
HS: (points at HP) Moron
(HS walks off)
KM: yeah
HP: do they go to the into the same place?
KM: oh god... Yes... They do
EM: basic biology there!
HP: but what about when you poo and wee? They come out of different places...?
(EM explains the digestive tract to HP. HS overhears this as she's walking past the staff room door)
HS: (points at HP) Moron
(HS walks off)
Casual racism
EM: can you remember the name of the person at the bank
FH: no! I didn't know I had to!
HP: what did they look like?
FH: Asian
EM: they are all asian
FH: they were more 'badbading' than 'ahhhh'
HP: they were Indian?
FH: yeah! Not Chinese
FH: no! I didn't know I had to!
HP: what did they look like?
FH: Asian
EM: they are all asian
FH: they were more 'badbading' than 'ahhhh'
HP: they were Indian?
FH: yeah! Not Chinese
Monday, 6 August 2012
STFU and GTFO
(cust, her mum and her friend are in a fitting. EM has tried two bras on the cust, who expects her mum to do them up for her. Custs mum is unable to do the 34's up as she does them up on the girls shoulder blades. EM can do them up as she pulls them down to where they should go. EM gets 36's to try)
EM: ok, your in this one but it's not great. (36 back bra)
Custs mum: these are so tight, they shouldn't be this tight?
EM: well we could keep going up in the back but you then lose the support.
Custs mum: but you just said this was no good? So what are we going to do?
EM: (holds up other bra) that's why I have a different style to try...
EM: ok, your in this one but it's not great. (36 back bra)
Custs mum: these are so tight, they shouldn't be this tight?
EM: well we could keep going up in the back but you then lose the support.
Custs mum: but you just said this was no good? So what are we going to do?
EM: (holds up other bra) that's why I have a different style to try...
Saturday, 28 July 2012
Who?
KM: can you give these to the last upstairs? She's wearing a flowery tunic, I don't know if she's pregnant. She got a (puts her finger under her nose) a tankini and she's with her mum who has got (makes an 'ok' sign over one eye) glasses.
EM: ok, so she's got a moustache and her mums wearing a monical...
EM: ok, so she's got a moustache and her mums wearing a monical...
What's she looking for?!
EM: I need a fitter!
FH: ok
EM: cool, she's called Francesca and she's looking for... FUCKERS!
FH: she's looking for fuckers?
EM: I just walked into the lockers. She's looking for fuckers and new bras...
FH: wow, ok... Do you have Tourette's?
FH: ok
EM: cool, she's called Francesca and she's looking for... FUCKERS!
FH: she's looking for fuckers?
EM: I just walked into the lockers. She's looking for fuckers and new bras...
FH: wow, ok... Do you have Tourette's?
That girl from Coronation Street...
She thinks this showed off her curves...
To be fair, it almost shows her nipples...
Has she not looked at the rest of the range from Agent P? They are not designed for women with boobs...
To be fair, it almost shows her nipples...
Has she not looked at the rest of the range from Agent P? They are not designed for women with boobs...
What do you want?
MO: so is it just a sports bra?
Cust: and something everyday
MO: ok, did you want something wired?
Cust: no, I find wires make me hot.
MO: right, so do you want a soft cup for everyday?
Cust: I usually wear a sports bra for everyday
MO: so you just want a sports bra...
Cust: and something everyday
MO: ok, did you want something wired?
Cust: no, I find wires make me hot.
MO: right, so do you want a soft cup for everyday?
Cust: I usually wear a sports bra for everyday
MO: so you just want a sports bra...
Thursday, 26 July 2012
Are you sure you wearing that size?
(EM gets the cust a bra in the size and style that she has asked for)
Cust: Is that actually a 23E?!
EM: (checks the tags in front of the cust) Yes
Cust: It's not like my bra, there no cup to this...
Cust: Is that actually a 23E?!
EM: (checks the tags in front of the cust) Yes
Cust: It's not like my bra, there no cup to this...
Evacuation woes
(MR is alone in the small stockroom, but over heard in the main one while picking up the fire evacuation notice)
MR: What would we do in a fire? It would be the easy way out... Better than another ten years of this... I wouldn't make it up the stairs in time...
MR: What would we do in a fire? It would be the easy way out... Better than another ten years of this... I wouldn't make it up the stairs in time...
Spelling bee champ
EM: That soup spells like ravioli
MR: Tomato-ee
EM: Yeah and herby
MR: Alphabetti Spaghetti
EM: The best pasta based food
MR: Helped me become a wordsmith
EM: Spelling things on the edge of the plate
MR: 'Fuck off Mummy'
MR: Tomato-ee
EM: Yeah and herby
MR: Alphabetti Spaghetti
EM: The best pasta based food
MR: Helped me become a wordsmith
EM: Spelling things on the edge of the plate
MR: 'Fuck off Mummy'
Be mean, get mean...
Cust: Can I have these in a 34F?
(Cust hands over a wired bra, a sports bra and a nursing bra and glares at EM)
EM: ok, sure
(In stockroom)
EM: Do I get her the nursing bra or the soft cup?
FH: Ooooh... Tough... I don't know
EM: She's a bit of a bitch... I'll give her the nursing one, thats what she picked up
FH: Mean!
(Later)
Cust: (has the nursing bra on) Do you think this will be supportive for sports?
EM: (pauses) No, not compared to sports bras
Cust: Oh, ok
(Later)
Cust: Can I ask you something?
EM: Yeah
Cust: (shows EM the nursing bra) What are these straps for? (straps that join the top of the cup to the underband)
EM: They are for when you unclip the cups, they keep the strap over your shoulder
Cust: Why?
EM: ...Because it's a nursing bra...
Cust: Is it!? So it's only for pregnant ladies?!
EM: Yeah...
(Cust hands over a wired bra, a sports bra and a nursing bra and glares at EM)
EM: ok, sure
(In stockroom)
EM: Do I get her the nursing bra or the soft cup?
FH: Ooooh... Tough... I don't know
EM: She's a bit of a bitch... I'll give her the nursing one, thats what she picked up
FH: Mean!
(Later)
Cust: (has the nursing bra on) Do you think this will be supportive for sports?
EM: (pauses) No, not compared to sports bras
Cust: Oh, ok
(Later)
Cust: Can I ask you something?
EM: Yeah
Cust: (shows EM the nursing bra) What are these straps for? (straps that join the top of the cup to the underband)
EM: They are for when you unclip the cups, they keep the strap over your shoulder
Cust: Why?
EM: ...Because it's a nursing bra...
Cust: Is it!? So it's only for pregnant ladies?!
EM: Yeah...
Listen to teacher
Cust: (has a multiway on as a halter neck) I'd like to try a different colour strap for this bra as the idea is there but it doesn't look good with this white strap showing
EM: This bra comes with clear straps
Cust: Does it?
EM: Yes, they are on the bra
Cust: (looks at a completely different bra) I can't see any
EM: They are in the bag on the the bra
Cust: (starts patting herself down) Really?
EM: Yep, they are attached to the bra
Cust: Oh yes!
(she found them...)
EM: This bra comes with clear straps
Cust: Does it?
EM: Yes, they are on the bra
Cust: (looks at a completely different bra) I can't see any
EM: They are in the bag on the the bra
Cust: (starts patting herself down) Really?
EM: Yep, they are attached to the bra
Cust: Oh yes!
(she found them...)
What colours do you actually want?
Cust: (points at picture of a bra) Do you have this?
EM: Not in that colour anymore, It's from last year
Cust: It's the bright pink one now isn't it?
EM: We do have it in black and ivory
Cust: Mmmmm... I'm looking for a set... in a 30GG, the pink is a bit bright...
EM: Were you looking for something pale?
Cust: No, I've got two plea ones and I've got this (bright purple and aqua bra)
EM: Ok, I'll go and have a look
Cust: I need to have matching pants for them
EM: ok
(EM goes off to look and finds 3 bras with matching pants)
Cust: Iv'e got this one already (oriental print bra) That ones a bit dark (black with lime and teal flowers) and I've got one of these in a different colour and to be honest it doesn't fit (navy with pink blossom)
EM: This is a completely new style
Cust: I don't like the colour
EM: Were you looking for something pale?
Cust: I don't know...
EM: Not in that colour anymore, It's from last year
Cust: It's the bright pink one now isn't it?
EM: We do have it in black and ivory
Cust: Mmmmm... I'm looking for a set... in a 30GG, the pink is a bit bright...
EM: Were you looking for something pale?
Cust: No, I've got two plea ones and I've got this (bright purple and aqua bra)
EM: Ok, I'll go and have a look
Cust: I need to have matching pants for them
EM: ok
(EM goes off to look and finds 3 bras with matching pants)
Cust: Iv'e got this one already (oriental print bra) That ones a bit dark (black with lime and teal flowers) and I've got one of these in a different colour and to be honest it doesn't fit (navy with pink blossom)
EM: This is a completely new style
Cust: I don't like the colour
EM: Were you looking for something pale?
Cust: I don't know...
Leave your shit everywhere
Cust: I tried a bra on downstairs, but I don't see it on the shelf?
HS: We only have a few sizes of each style out so the one you tried on is probably the only one we have in that style
Cust: Oh
HS: Did you want it?
Cust: Yes
HS: Is it downstairs?
Cust: Yes
HS: We only have a few sizes of each style out so the one you tried on is probably the only one we have in that style
Cust: Oh
HS: Did you want it?
Cust: Yes
HS: Is it downstairs?
Cust: Yes
Look at things first....
Cust: I want to return this bra as the back is discoloured...
EA: It's because it's a different material, thats why it's a slightly different colour...
Cust: I know, I've washed it...
EA: You know I can't exchange this as they are all going to be the same?
Cust: I want a refund then
EM: I can see if we can do it as a goodwill gesture. We shouldn't though as they are sold as seen
Cust: I know, if you could though. I don't usually buy white bras and if I'd have known
(Later)
EA: Is her vision impaired?!? The dumb bitch!
EA: It's because it's a different material, thats why it's a slightly different colour...
Cust: I know, I've washed it...
EA: You know I can't exchange this as they are all going to be the same?
Cust: I want a refund then
EM: I can see if we can do it as a goodwill gesture. We shouldn't though as they are sold as seen
Cust: I know, if you could though. I don't usually buy white bras and if I'd have known
(Later)
EA: Is her vision impaired?!? The dumb bitch!
Marks & Spencer's needs to die
EA: your fitting has just been to Marks & Spencer's and had a bad experience
GC: Oh, ok...
(later, in the stockroom)
GC: She was wearing a 38D and it was awful. I put her in a 38G, perfect. Marks & Spencer's told her she was a 40DD...
EM: What the fuck!?!
GC: Oh, ok...
(later, in the stockroom)
GC: She was wearing a 38D and it was awful. I put her in a 38G, perfect. Marks & Spencer's told her she was a 40DD...
EM: What the fuck!?!
Pregnancy panic buying
(In the stockroom)
MR: This girl wants a nursing bra and a sports bra, she's tiny, she doesn't look like she's had a baby!
EM: Maybe she's pissed on a stick an decided she needs a nursing bra
MR: This girl wants a nursing bra and a sports bra, she's tiny, she doesn't look like she's had a baby!
EM: Maybe she's pissed on a stick an decided she needs a nursing bra
Does size mean nothing to you?
Cust: I'd like to exchange the (bikini) top in there, it's a 38HH
EM: Ok, what size were you looking for?
Cust: Well, that one was huge... I usually take a 34H bra so a 34 or even a 36...
EM: H?
Cust Double H
EM: did you want to try it on?
Cust: the other one was huge but because I'm big everywhere else it will be fine. So either a 34 or a 36
EA: (over hears and offers to get the top) H?
Cust: HH
EM: (to EA and the cust) We have a 36 but not a 34 at the moment
Cust: that will be fine
EM: and you don't want to try it on?
Cust: no
EM: Ok...
EM: Ok, what size were you looking for?
Cust: Well, that one was huge... I usually take a 34H bra so a 34 or even a 36...
EM: H?
Cust Double H
EM: did you want to try it on?
Cust: the other one was huge but because I'm big everywhere else it will be fine. So either a 34 or a 36
EA: (over hears and offers to get the top) H?
Cust: HH
EM: (to EA and the cust) We have a 36 but not a 34 at the moment
Cust: that will be fine
EM: and you don't want to try it on?
Cust: no
EM: Ok...
Missing the point
(Cust is trying on a moulded t-shirt bra in a 36E, EM checks it, its a bit small in the cup so she offers to get a bigger size)
EM: what about this one? (Fantasie Rebecca, also a moulded t-shirt bra)
Cust: It's a bit big
EM: Do you want me to get you a different size in that one?
Cust: No, I don't really like it because its moulded. I prefer thins one as it's a normal cup...
(think she meant that its a full cup and thats why she didn't like it)
EM: what about this one? (Fantasie Rebecca, also a moulded t-shirt bra)
Cust: It's a bit big
EM: Do you want me to get you a different size in that one?
Cust: No, I don't really like it because its moulded. I prefer thins one as it's a normal cup...
(think she meant that its a full cup and thats why she didn't like it)
Great minds think alike
HS: Whats the 'Aruba' bikini?
EM: I have no idea... (checks the website) Its the diseased one!
HS: I've just seen it...
HS + EM: (in a long drawn out voice) Diseased...
EM: I have no idea... (checks the website) Its the diseased one!
HS: I've just seen it...
HS + EM: (in a long drawn out voice) Diseased...
In demand
EM: Customer services are on the phone for you...
HS: Why me?!
EM: Because you picked up the phone first...
HS: Everyone wants a piece of me! Can you get my lady the Serene in a 34g?
EM: White?
HS: And nude... Wheres the phone? What phone?!?
EM: Upstairs...
HS: Upstairs?! Bloody hell!
HS: Why me?!
EM: Because you picked up the phone first...
HS: Everyone wants a piece of me! Can you get my lady the Serene in a 34g?
EM: White?
HS: And nude... Wheres the phone? What phone?!?
EM: Upstairs...
HS: Upstairs?! Bloody hell!
Me no listen...
EA: Urgh, there's a huge fucktard upstairs. I said to her that there are more sizes in the stockroom and asked her if she needed anything, then she said "I want this but you don't have it in my size..." for fucks sake! Listen!
(EA goes to the rail to find what the cost want)
EA: And lo and behold! Here it is!
JH: Are you going back upstairs?
EA: Yeah, I've got a retard...
JH: Good effort! You got more out of her than we did, we've all had a crack at her...
EM: Had a crack?!
JH: I've had a couple of pops at her, JJ has had a pop...
(EA goes to the rail to find what the cost want)
EA: And lo and behold! Here it is!
JH: Are you going back upstairs?
EA: Yeah, I've got a retard...
JH: Good effort! You got more out of her than we did, we've all had a crack at her...
EM: Had a crack?!
JH: I've had a couple of pops at her, JJ has had a pop...
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
Are you calling me fat?
EM: have I got a bruise on my back?
EA: (not looking) is this a trick where I'm really going to look at your bum?
EM: no, really, do I have a bruise?
EA: you have a tattoo... And what looks like the start of a stretch mark...
EM: great, I have a... Fat back... (sung to Justin Timberlakes 'sexyback') I've got a fatty back...
EA: YEAH!
EA: (not looking) is this a trick where I'm really going to look at your bum?
EM: no, really, do I have a bruise?
EA: you have a tattoo... And what looks like the start of a stretch mark...
EM: great, I have a... Fat back... (sung to Justin Timberlakes 'sexyback') I've got a fatty back...
EA: YEAH!
Lazy
(EA in kneeling on the floor, sellotaping a box up)
EA: oohhhhhh, can you pass me the scissors... (pouts)
EM: (raises her eyebrows and points to the floor, right next to EA) what, those ones right there?
EA: oh yeah! I'm soooo organised!
EA: oohhhhhh, can you pass me the scissors... (pouts)
EM: (raises her eyebrows and points to the floor, right next to EA) what, those ones right there?
EA: oh yeah! I'm soooo organised!
Excited
EA: not only do I get to see Joss Whedon in the flesh I also get to see the guy from Sparticus!
EM: who?
EA: have you lot never seen it?
EM: nope
EA: your love it, boobs, cocks and blood... Everywhere...
EM: what... That just sounds like sex on your period...
(KM laughs hysterically)
EM: who?
EA: have you lot never seen it?
EM: nope
EA: your love it, boobs, cocks and blood... Everywhere...
EM: what... That just sounds like sex on your period...
(KM laughs hysterically)
Saturday, 30 June 2012
Overheard
Not strictly work related but LITBD couldn't help herself
"did your dad slap your willy?"
"he would break your clitoris"
"what's the longest you have had a wank for? Six hours? All your veins are popping out..."
"I haven't had sex in six weeks..."
"what have you been being doing? Wanking?"
"all day"
"so when your in Zante you have to shag loads, with each other"
"YES! Bring on the family love!"
"did your dad slap your willy?"
"he would break your clitoris"
"what's the longest you have had a wank for? Six hours? All your veins are popping out..."
"I haven't had sex in six weeks..."
"what have you been being doing? Wanking?"
"all day"
"so when your in Zante you have to shag loads, with each other"
"YES! Bring on the family love!"
Saturday, 23 June 2012
I didn't mean that
(talking about KM's sexual exploits)
EM: when I was talking about sags... What?
JT: sags!
NM: sags, that's not a nickname you want!
EM: I meant to say her sexual exploits but it all rolled into one!
JT: alright sags?
KM: ohhhhhh!
EM: when I was talking about sags... What?
JT: sags!
NM: sags, that's not a nickname you want!
EM: I meant to say her sexual exploits but it all rolled into one!
JT: alright sags?
KM: ohhhhhh!
Sad times
(EA comes into the stock room and hugs EM from behind)
EM: awww... What's up? Fatties getting you down?
EA: (nods) yes...
(EA fitted five really large ladies in a row)
EM: awww... What's up? Fatties getting you down?
EA: (nods) yes...
(EA fitted five really large ladies in a row)
Worries
KJ: why don't people listen! I hate it! You tell them how stuff works and then they ask you again!
EM: I hate it when you ask them what size they take round their waist and what size they take on their top half and they then say 'I'm usually a 34FF, what size would that make me?'
KJ: your size is deaf and stupid...
EM: your size is the least of your concerns...
EM: I hate it when you ask them what size they take round their waist and what size they take on their top half and they then say 'I'm usually a 34FF, what size would that make me?'
KJ: your size is deaf and stupid...
EM: your size is the least of your concerns...
Friday, 22 June 2012
Rain
(HS and EM are stood by the till)
HS: is it still raining?
EM: I think it's stopped, there are no massive splashes going on
HS: (walks to the door) there are many massive splashes...
EM: (goes to the door) oh yeah... I've got a brolly...
(EM and HS are stood outside the store, brollies up)
HS: not raining, hey... And your wearing canvas shoes, good fucking luck with that!
HS: is it still raining?
EM: I think it's stopped, there are no massive splashes going on
HS: (walks to the door) there are many massive splashes...
EM: (goes to the door) oh yeah... I've got a brolly...
(EM and HS are stood outside the store, brollies up)
HS: not raining, hey... And your wearing canvas shoes, good fucking luck with that!
Forgotten
HS: (to cust) of you take a seat your fitter will be out soon
(in stockroom)
HS: JJ you have a fitting waiting
JJ: ok, I'll be there in a minute, just let me put these away
(JH leaves to go home, JJ says goodbye and then carries on putting bras away, she then goes out the front 20 minutes later)
Cust: I've been waiting here! Someone said someone would be coming out here!
JJ: oh, I'll just get her
(in stockroom)
JJ: who is actually co-ordinating things? There's a quite rude woman just come out of the fitting rooms...
HS: me... And I have both the phones!
JJ: she was told someone would be coming out...
HS: oh, I'm sorry
JJ: it's not your fault she's rude...
(later, in the stockroom)
HS: so the woman has been sat there for a good 20 minutes waiting for JJ to take her through for a fitting...
EM: so JJ went out there told her she would get someone and she was the person...
HS: I did tell her that she had a fitting but she got chatting to JH and forgot... Now the woman is really fucked off...
EM: oh shit...
(in stockroom)
HS: JJ you have a fitting waiting
JJ: ok, I'll be there in a minute, just let me put these away
(JH leaves to go home, JJ says goodbye and then carries on putting bras away, she then goes out the front 20 minutes later)
Cust: I've been waiting here! Someone said someone would be coming out here!
JJ: oh, I'll just get her
(in stockroom)
JJ: who is actually co-ordinating things? There's a quite rude woman just come out of the fitting rooms...
HS: me... And I have both the phones!
JJ: she was told someone would be coming out...
HS: oh, I'm sorry
JJ: it's not your fault she's rude...
(later, in the stockroom)
HS: so the woman has been sat there for a good 20 minutes waiting for JJ to take her through for a fitting...
EM: so JJ went out there told her she would get someone and she was the person...
HS: I did tell her that she had a fitting but she got chatting to JH and forgot... Now the woman is really fucked off...
EM: oh shit...
What's in a name?
KM: I'm still considering joining a hockey club
EM: oh yeah, there's that mixed one that meets on a Sunday...
KM: yeah the... I want to say nimrods... But that's not the right word... What do you call people who move around a lot?
EM: nomads?!
KM: that's the one!
EM: look at all these African nimrods! Gypsies, They're quite nimrodic...
EM: oh yeah, there's that mixed one that meets on a Sunday...
KM: yeah the... I want to say nimrods... But that's not the right word... What do you call people who move around a lot?
EM: nomads?!
KM: that's the one!
EM: look at all these African nimrods! Gypsies, They're quite nimrodic...
Two minds think alike
HS: what's the 'Aruba' bikini?
EM: no idea... (checks the website while HS checks the rails) ITS THE DISEASED ONE!
HS: yeah, I just found it
HS+EM: (really slowly and at the same time) diseased....
EM: no idea... (checks the website while HS checks the rails) ITS THE DISEASED ONE!
HS: yeah, I just found it
HS+EM: (really slowly and at the same time) diseased....
Phonecall
EM: customer services are on the phone for you
HS: why me?!
EM: because you picked the phone up first time
HS: everyone wants a piece of me... Can you get my lady the serene in a 34G then?
EM: in white?
HS: in nude and white ideally... Err, where's the phone... What phone are they on?
EM: upstairs...
HS: upstairs?! Bloody hell!
HS: why me?!
EM: because you picked the phone up first time
HS: everyone wants a piece of me... Can you get my lady the serene in a 34G then?
EM: in white?
HS: in nude and white ideally... Err, where's the phone... What phone are they on?
EM: upstairs...
HS: upstairs?! Bloody hell!
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Ocean
EA: I'll take Bonnie through then...
EM: (sings) 'my Bonnie lies over the ocean...'
EA: nooo... Bonnie's huge...
EM: (sings) 'my Bonnie fits over the ocean...'
EA: yea, I was gonna say...
EM: (sings) 'my Bonnie lies over the ocean...'
EA: nooo... Bonnie's huge...
EM: (sings) 'my Bonnie fits over the ocean...'
EA: yea, I was gonna say...
I'm not psychic or playing charades...
Cust: I'm looking for a bra that's (points to in between her boobs) you know, comes down under tips so you can't see it (pulls down her top to show EM the middle of her bra)
EM: a plunge?
Cust: yes that's it!
EM: what size?
Cust: 32HH
EM: ok, what colour are you looking for?
Cust: well I wear black...
EM: ok, we have this one (shows her the Satine) and we also have this one (shows her the Lucine) or if you wanted a bit of colour we have this one (shows her the yellow Thea)
Cust: ok, I like the first one
EM: ok, let me check for you
(EM checks the computer)
Cust: I like this one (picks up a pink spotty one) and this is quite low (a bright flowery one)
EM: ok... (checks for the others)
Cust: shall I try these on and then someone will bring them to me?
EM: I've got the codes, if you take this down then they can get them for you while you try on
Cust: ok, thanks!
(later)
Cust: there was a black bra, I want to see the pants for it...
EM: it's just here
Cust: what styles does it come with?
EM: (picks up all the bras) there are thongs... (picks up a handful of pants so she can see the briefs, there are three left hanging up so she can see them) and their are briefs...
Cust: oh, don't you have my size?
EM: what size is that?
Cust: a large...
EM: (checks the handful she has, it's the first pair she looks at) here you go...
EM: a plunge?
Cust: yes that's it!
EM: what size?
Cust: 32HH
EM: ok, what colour are you looking for?
Cust: well I wear black...
EM: ok, we have this one (shows her the Satine) and we also have this one (shows her the Lucine) or if you wanted a bit of colour we have this one (shows her the yellow Thea)
Cust: ok, I like the first one
EM: ok, let me check for you
(EM checks the computer)
Cust: I like this one (picks up a pink spotty one) and this is quite low (a bright flowery one)
EM: ok... (checks for the others)
Cust: shall I try these on and then someone will bring them to me?
EM: I've got the codes, if you take this down then they can get them for you while you try on
Cust: ok, thanks!
(later)
Cust: there was a black bra, I want to see the pants for it...
EM: it's just here
Cust: what styles does it come with?
EM: (picks up all the bras) there are thongs... (picks up a handful of pants so she can see the briefs, there are three left hanging up so she can see them) and their are briefs...
Cust: oh, don't you have my size?
EM: what size is that?
Cust: a large...
EM: (checks the handful she has, it's the first pair she looks at) here you go...
Wasting my time
Cust: I have an appointment at 10:20...
VG: ok, if you want to go downstairs there is a fitter waiting for you
Cust: I'm just going to have a quick look
VG: ok
(five minutes later)
VG: there is someone booked in straight after you so if you go downstairs your fitter is waiting...
(later, at the till)
EM: hi, are you ready?
Cust: yes. Now (holds up the Alana) you didn't have this in black so I would like to order it
EM: ok... (takes custs postcode and puts the order through, in the meantime the cust has wandered off looking at another bikini)
Cust: you don't have this in my size? (comes back to the till) what size did I have in this one?
EM: a 30HH... (EM looks up the code of the bikini she's already buying)
Cust: no I don't think you do... (puts other bikini back)
(EM finishes putting the code of the custs bikini in and reaches over to get the code of the bikini the cust is looking at now)
EM: we should do
Cust: do you? You could wear plain black bigger bottoms with this couldn't you? It's a shame they don't do bigger bottoms (stood right next to bikini) how much is it?
EM: (struggles to reach over the till to check the price) £36
Cust: no, I'll leave it. I thought it was going to be more expensive than that. I've got some black bottoms at home but I need to check the condition of them.
(EM finishes the sale)
EM: that's £88 for those (wraps up the bikini)
Cust: is the bra in there?
EM: the one we have ordered?
Cust: no
EM: you want the nude one? (the one she showed EM)
Cust: yes
EM: ok, that brings it to £111
(cust pays and EM picks up some other bikini bottoms in a 8 to put back out)
Cust: oh! Those are small bottoms! Oh my!
VG: ok, if you want to go downstairs there is a fitter waiting for you
Cust: I'm just going to have a quick look
VG: ok
(five minutes later)
VG: there is someone booked in straight after you so if you go downstairs your fitter is waiting...
(later, at the till)
EM: hi, are you ready?
Cust: yes. Now (holds up the Alana) you didn't have this in black so I would like to order it
EM: ok... (takes custs postcode and puts the order through, in the meantime the cust has wandered off looking at another bikini)
Cust: you don't have this in my size? (comes back to the till) what size did I have in this one?
EM: a 30HH... (EM looks up the code of the bikini she's already buying)
Cust: no I don't think you do... (puts other bikini back)
(EM finishes putting the code of the custs bikini in and reaches over to get the code of the bikini the cust is looking at now)
EM: we should do
Cust: do you? You could wear plain black bigger bottoms with this couldn't you? It's a shame they don't do bigger bottoms (stood right next to bikini) how much is it?
EM: (struggles to reach over the till to check the price) £36
Cust: no, I'll leave it. I thought it was going to be more expensive than that. I've got some black bottoms at home but I need to check the condition of them.
(EM finishes the sale)
EM: that's £88 for those (wraps up the bikini)
Cust: is the bra in there?
EM: the one we have ordered?
Cust: no
EM: you want the nude one? (the one she showed EM)
Cust: yes
EM: ok, that brings it to £111
(cust pays and EM picks up some other bikini bottoms in a 8 to put back out)
Cust: oh! Those are small bottoms! Oh my!
I'm not wrong
Cust: (whispering) I usually have a 34H in this (holds up a white Tango II) but it's feeling a bit big in the cup so I would like to try a 34GG
EM: ok, do you want it in white?
Cust: I'd prefer nude but I couldn't see any others up there
(they are behind the white ones)
EM: ok, I'll go and have a look for you...
(EM comes back, gives her the bra and she tries it on. Later)
Cust: your right, it's too small, can I have a fitting?
(How is EM right? Why doesn't she just try a H?)
EM: ok, do you want it in white?
Cust: I'd prefer nude but I couldn't see any others up there
(they are behind the white ones)
EM: ok, I'll go and have a look for you...
(EM comes back, gives her the bra and she tries it on. Later)
Cust: your right, it's too small, can I have a fitting?
(How is EM right? Why doesn't she just try a H?)
Your friends a bitch
Cust: is it true that if your nipples are lower than where the bottom of your boob starts that you have saggy boobs?
FH: everyone's boobs are different...
Cust: my friend told me that, is it true?
FH: everyone's boobs are different...
Cust: my friend told me that, is it true?
You wear it?
Cust: what is this?
FH: it's the Alana bra
Cust: but what's it for?
FH: it's an everyday bra
Cust: what does that mean?
FH: you can wear it... everyday....
FH: it's the Alana bra
Cust: but what's it for?
FH: it's an everyday bra
Cust: what does that mean?
FH: you can wear it... everyday....
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Her face!
EM: I've got a fitting for you
MO: ok
(EM then tells her the custs name etc)
MO: alright
EM: but...
JJ: I knew there was something!
MO: what is it?!
EM: she's got a cough, when she said her name she made this cough noise after
MO: right...
EM: and her skin...
MO: she doesn't have a neck?
EM: no... You can see the outline of a chin...
MO: she has a line where it's supposed to be?
EM: yeah, it looks like blamange...
(MO goes to take her through, when she calls the custs name, MO coughs, because EM said the cust did it. JJ also comes to have a look at her. Then, later in the stockroom)
MO: her boob tissue is like her face tissue!
EM: ewwww...
FH: what?
EM: she's got a blamange neck, it just hangs off her face...
FH: oh like 'gobble gobble'?
EM: (laughing) yeah!
MO: ok
(EM then tells her the custs name etc)
MO: alright
EM: but...
JJ: I knew there was something!
MO: what is it?!
EM: she's got a cough, when she said her name she made this cough noise after
MO: right...
EM: and her skin...
MO: she doesn't have a neck?
EM: no... You can see the outline of a chin...
MO: she has a line where it's supposed to be?
EM: yeah, it looks like blamange...
(MO goes to take her through, when she calls the custs name, MO coughs, because EM said the cust did it. JJ also comes to have a look at her. Then, later in the stockroom)
MO: her boob tissue is like her face tissue!
EM: ewwww...
FH: what?
EM: she's got a blamange neck, it just hangs off her face...
FH: oh like 'gobble gobble'?
EM: (laughing) yeah!
What has happened lately?
EM: anything funny happened recently?
KM: not really...
HP: I can go and insult a customer... From behind a mannequin?
KM: ha! It's got to be spontaneous... (thinks for a bit) we haven't called BT a nazi in a while...
KM: not really...
HP: I can go and insult a customer... From behind a mannequin?
KM: ha! It's got to be spontaneous... (thinks for a bit) we haven't called BT a nazi in a while...
Thursday, 14 June 2012
Tents
Most of these go down to a 28 back, and are showing up in stock. At Figleaves.com it seems everyone is a 36!
(this one is not too bad but it's the face that got LITBD all excited)
(this one is not too bad but it's the face that got LITBD all excited)
Frankentits v. Normal tits
God bless Caprice and her square boobs that don't remotely fit into any of the bras she puts her name to...
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits/corpse bride/looks like shes too stoned to care
Normal tits
These all came from the treasure-trove that is Figleaves.com...
Even they knew that these fitted so badly that they had to include other shots of the bras.
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits
Normal tits
Frankentits/corpse bride/looks like shes too stoned to care
Normal tits
These all came from the treasure-trove that is Figleaves.com...
Even they knew that these fitted so badly that they had to include other shots of the bras.
I'm special
(EM walks into the stockroom, EA is there putting bras away)
EA: (sings to EM) we'll always be together, together in electric dreams!
VG: (overhears) OI! Are you saying that to everyone?!
EA: yeah, your not special...
EA: (sings to EM) we'll always be together, together in electric dreams!
VG: (overhears) OI! Are you saying that to everyone?!
EA: yeah, your not special...
How could you not know
BT: (comes into the stockroom) I've completely forgotten what I came in here for...
EM: bras, swimwear, nightwear, sports bras, nursing bras, clothing...
KM: zyklon b?
EM: what?
KM: the gas
EM: what?
KM: you know, the gas
EM: but what?
KM: the nazis...
EM: yeah, but what gas?
KM: (confused about EM apparently not knowing about the holocaust) the nazis gassed people...
EM: what gas...
KM: in aushwitgz!
EM: I know that! What has did you say! I didn't hear you!
KM: oh! zyklon b!
EM: that's what I was getting at! I wasn't saying 'what!?' like I didn't know it never happened!
KM: oh dear... I was getting worried!
EM: if anyone heard that I would have sounded like a right twat!
EM: bras, swimwear, nightwear, sports bras, nursing bras, clothing...
KM: zyklon b?
EM: what?
KM: the gas
EM: what?
KM: you know, the gas
EM: but what?
KM: the nazis...
EM: yeah, but what gas?
KM: (confused about EM apparently not knowing about the holocaust) the nazis gassed people...
EM: what gas...
KM: in aushwitgz!
EM: I know that! What has did you say! I didn't hear you!
KM: oh! zyklon b!
EM: that's what I was getting at! I wasn't saying 'what!?' like I didn't know it never happened!
KM: oh dear... I was getting worried!
EM: if anyone heard that I would have sounded like a right twat!
Saturday, 9 June 2012
Tally up fail
(computer said there should have been a £25 gift voucher, EM couldn't find it, then EM moved)
Friday, 8 June 2012
Dog shit in the mail required
(JH has been helping an American cust who has asked for a bra that we don't have, JH then goes into a fitting and gets EM to come out and check on her)
EM: hello, did you need some help?
Cust: (in a really shitty tone of voice) I'm waiting to see a bra...
EM: (slightly taken aback) right...
Cust: (interrupting, still in a shitty tone) the primrose
EM: Ok... (looks around to see of anyone else is there who knows what she is after) sorry, I wasn't here earlier...
Cust: someone should have told you as I've been here 10 minutes
EM: sorry, what size were you after and I'll go and check?
Cust: 38e
EM: ok, I'll go and have a look in the stockroom
(EM goes and checks, we don't have it. It's the same bra JH told her that we don't have earlier. EM grabs a similar style and a random size primrose for her to see)
EM: we don't have that size in stock so I brought this which is the same style and also just the primrose in a different size if you just wanted to see it
Cust: I've seen it in the magazine so I know what it looks like... What I want is a pale pretty bra but I want you to be quick, I know it's not your fault, as I've been waiting ten minutes (points at her wrist) have you got a catalogue so I can show you what I want?
EM: I can get some out of the stockroom now if you want?
Cust: no, I know what I want. So if you have a catalogue...
EM: do you have one in there?
Cust: no
EM: ok, I'll just grab one...
(EM gets it and then cust points out two that she wants)
Cust: and any others that are in there
EM: ok, sure
(EM finds 6 bras for her and hands them over, cust starts to shut the door before EM has started to say anything. Cust then leaves, doesn't say anything to either EM or JH as they say goodbye to her. She then goes upstairs and cried on the shop floor saying that she had never had such appalling service, after EA calmed her down and gave her some sweets she decided she was 'just being silly')
NO LOVE, YOU'RE JUST BEING A BITCH.
EM: hello, did you need some help?
Cust: (in a really shitty tone of voice) I'm waiting to see a bra...
EM: (slightly taken aback) right...
Cust: (interrupting, still in a shitty tone) the primrose
EM: Ok... (looks around to see of anyone else is there who knows what she is after) sorry, I wasn't here earlier...
Cust: someone should have told you as I've been here 10 minutes
EM: sorry, what size were you after and I'll go and check?
Cust: 38e
EM: ok, I'll go and have a look in the stockroom
(EM goes and checks, we don't have it. It's the same bra JH told her that we don't have earlier. EM grabs a similar style and a random size primrose for her to see)
EM: we don't have that size in stock so I brought this which is the same style and also just the primrose in a different size if you just wanted to see it
Cust: I've seen it in the magazine so I know what it looks like... What I want is a pale pretty bra but I want you to be quick, I know it's not your fault, as I've been waiting ten minutes (points at her wrist) have you got a catalogue so I can show you what I want?
EM: I can get some out of the stockroom now if you want?
Cust: no, I know what I want. So if you have a catalogue...
EM: do you have one in there?
Cust: no
EM: ok, I'll just grab one...
(EM gets it and then cust points out two that she wants)
Cust: and any others that are in there
EM: ok, sure
(EM finds 6 bras for her and hands them over, cust starts to shut the door before EM has started to say anything. Cust then leaves, doesn't say anything to either EM or JH as they say goodbye to her. She then goes upstairs and cried on the shop floor saying that she had never had such appalling service, after EA calmed her down and gave her some sweets she decided she was 'just being silly')
NO LOVE, YOU'RE JUST BEING A BITCH.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
My requirements
Custs needs-
I want something like this (moulded plunge) because I like the shape, and I like cleavage because otherwise you just don't feel girly...
EM gets-
Moulded plunge in a size that fits her
Custs response-
I don't like this as I don't feel safe in it, I like balconettes for everyday...
EM gets-
Moulded balconettes
Cust response-
I feel shelf like in these
Cust needs-
A strapless bra that lifts me up
EM gets-
Freya deco strapless
Custs response-
This isn't lifting me up enough
EM suggests-
Wonderbra strapless
Custs response-
I tried one of those and I was being squeezed out all over the place... It comes down so far and is so rigid, it feels like when you get trapped in a lift... It's so hard, I want something softer...
SOMETHING SOFT THAT'S GOING TO PUT YOUR BOOBS UNDER YOUR CHIN!?
I want something like this (moulded plunge) because I like the shape, and I like cleavage because otherwise you just don't feel girly...
EM gets-
Moulded plunge in a size that fits her
Custs response-
I don't like this as I don't feel safe in it, I like balconettes for everyday...
EM gets-
Moulded balconettes
Cust response-
I feel shelf like in these
Cust needs-
A strapless bra that lifts me up
EM gets-
Freya deco strapless
Custs response-
This isn't lifting me up enough
EM suggests-
Wonderbra strapless
Custs response-
I tried one of those and I was being squeezed out all over the place... It comes down so far and is so rigid, it feels like when you get trapped in a lift... It's so hard, I want something softer...
SOMETHING SOFT THAT'S GOING TO PUT YOUR BOOBS UNDER YOUR CHIN!?
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
Take your time
EM: this woman takes about five minutes to put in a bra as she does it up at the back and pulls it round
KM: really?!
EM: I swear, it's because she's got blubber... The cups keep catching on her fat and she then has to unhook it to heave it round...
KM: oh god...
(EM later did the maths... She averaged out at taking 7 minutes to put on a bra...)
KM: really?!
EM: I swear, it's because she's got blubber... The cups keep catching on her fat and she then has to unhook it to heave it round...
KM: oh god...
(EM later did the maths... She averaged out at taking 7 minutes to put on a bra...)
Missing the point
(EM walks to the booth where a woman is standing right in front of the computer with a handful of bras)
EM: are you dropping any off?
Cust: no, I'm going to buy one if that's ok?
EM: sure, are there any that your not buying?
Cust: yes, loads
EM: shall I take them?
Cust: can I leave them with you?
EM: yes...
Cust: lovely! I've got these two. (hands over two bras) and this should be a 30FF, this is the one I want (hands bra over anyway) and these are all 32E, that's what I usually wear... Does this come in any other colours? (holds up a nude Freya Deco)
EM: yes, it comes in black and we might have a denim blue colour here...
Cust: ...no white?
EM: no, I'm afraid not...
Cust: (stares at EM for a few seconds) there not discontinuing that one are they?
EM: no
Cust: but there isn't a white?
EM: no
Cust: and it's... What is this one? (cust looks at the labels) a Freya?
EM: yes
Cust: do I pay upstairs?
EM: yes...
EM: are you dropping any off?
Cust: no, I'm going to buy one if that's ok?
EM: sure, are there any that your not buying?
Cust: yes, loads
EM: shall I take them?
Cust: can I leave them with you?
EM: yes...
Cust: lovely! I've got these two. (hands over two bras) and this should be a 30FF, this is the one I want (hands bra over anyway) and these are all 32E, that's what I usually wear... Does this come in any other colours? (holds up a nude Freya Deco)
EM: yes, it comes in black and we might have a denim blue colour here...
Cust: ...no white?
EM: no, I'm afraid not...
Cust: (stares at EM for a few seconds) there not discontinuing that one are they?
EM: no
Cust: but there isn't a white?
EM: no
Cust: and it's... What is this one? (cust looks at the labels) a Freya?
EM: yes
Cust: do I pay upstairs?
EM: yes...
Saturday, 26 May 2012
Rude
(guy walks into the changing rooms)
EM: sorry, we can't have any men behind here
(guy stands by a changing room door near the entrance talking to a cust in there, totally ignores EM)
EM: excuse me, we can't have any men in here
Guy: (holds a finger up to EM) just give me a second!
(VG comes down the hall and stands next to him, he then moves)
EM: sorry, we can't have any men behind here
(guy stands by a changing room door near the entrance talking to a cust in there, totally ignores EM)
EM: excuse me, we can't have any men in here
Guy: (holds a finger up to EM) just give me a second!
(VG comes down the hall and stands next to him, he then moves)
Thursday, 24 May 2012
Not sure it's going to work
Cust: can you have a look for another dress?
EM: yep, what one were you after?
Cust: I want to see if you have another one of these as it's got a few marks (EM can't see any) and its just a little bit tight... So I wanted to see if another one would be better...
EM: so still in the 10?
Cust: yes
EM: ok, I'll have a look
(EM tells EA about it)
EA: so she thinks another 10 would be looser?
EM: she clearly can't go up to a 12... Even if a 10 is too tight...
EM: yep, what one were you after?
Cust: I want to see if you have another one of these as it's got a few marks (EM can't see any) and its just a little bit tight... So I wanted to see if another one would be better...
EM: so still in the 10?
Cust: yes
EM: ok, I'll have a look
(EM tells EA about it)
EA: so she thinks another 10 would be looser?
EM: she clearly can't go up to a 12... Even if a 10 is too tight...
Repeat after me
EM: hello there
Cust: hello, I'm booked in but I want to try these on while I'm waiting
EM: sure
Cust: I think I'm a 32G or GG, I don't know until I get measured... (she has two bras, swimsuit and bikini. Cust looks at the first bra) this one is a 30GG so I'll need a 32GG
EM: ok
Cust: (looks at next bra) this one is a 32G so I'll try that... (looks at swimsuit) I just grabbed the nearest sizes... This is a 34G so I'll need that in a 32GG
EM: ok
Cust: (looks at bikini) this is a 30G so I'll need that in a 32GG
EM: ok... Do you want to start trying the bra while I find these in a 32GG?
Cust: yes, thank you...
(EM gives her the stuff, little while later cust asks for help)
Cust: can you just do the back up on this?
EM: course I can!
Cust: what do you think? I seem to be in it well...
EM: it looks pretty good (adjusts the straps slightly) there
Cust: it's got adjustable straps?! That's such a good idea on a swimsuit!
Cust: hello, I'm booked in but I want to try these on while I'm waiting
EM: sure
Cust: I think I'm a 32G or GG, I don't know until I get measured... (she has two bras, swimsuit and bikini. Cust looks at the first bra) this one is a 30GG so I'll need a 32GG
EM: ok
Cust: (looks at next bra) this one is a 32G so I'll try that... (looks at swimsuit) I just grabbed the nearest sizes... This is a 34G so I'll need that in a 32GG
EM: ok
Cust: (looks at bikini) this is a 30G so I'll need that in a 32GG
EM: ok... Do you want to start trying the bra while I find these in a 32GG?
Cust: yes, thank you...
(EM gives her the stuff, little while later cust asks for help)
Cust: can you just do the back up on this?
EM: course I can!
Cust: what do you think? I seem to be in it well...
EM: it looks pretty good (adjusts the straps slightly) there
Cust: it's got adjustable straps?! That's such a good idea on a swimsuit!
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Monday, 21 May 2012
Not fire trained
Cust: (looking at a fire extinguisher) Maximum temperature is 60 degrees? If it's a fire it's going to be hotter than that...
Custs Mum: If it's a fire that gets hotter than that, you shouldnt be any where near it!
(Also, you wouldnt be throwing the fire extinguisher into the fire...)
Custs Mum: If it's a fire that gets hotter than that, you shouldnt be any where near it!
(Also, you wouldnt be throwing the fire extinguisher into the fire...)
Just... WTF!?
Cust: Can I have your opinion?
EM: Sure
Cust: (Shows EM her Andorra she has on) I think its a bit small
EM: Yes it is... What size are you in?
Cust: This is a 38E so Whatever size is next
EM: Sure I'll have a look
Cust: I dont want anything pointy, I have had Fantasie and I dont like the shape, this one is nice but (starts patting the top of her boobs which are not in the cup) but I dont like this, I don't do cleavage. Have you got any other styles? I've got this one (holds up the Fantasie Belle) but it's too pointy..
EM: Ok, I'll have a look...
(EM goes into the stock room and picks out a bigger cup in the Andorra and also the Fantasie Esme)
Cust: Oh no! I don't like that (points at the Esme) I might be old but I want something pretty
EM: Ok, I brought this as it's a Fantasie...
Cust: I don't want Fantasie, I want Panache because it's round...
EM: And this one is round...
Cust: No, have you got anything else?
EM: I'll go and have a look for you
(EM goes off and comes back with the Panache Melody full cup and the Tango II balconette)
Cust: (looks at Tango II) thats quite pretty (looks at Melody) that is like the fantasie ones... do they come in any other colours?
EM: Melody comes in black, white and nude and the Tango comes in black, white, nude and a coral
Cust: can I see the coral one?
EM: I'll have a look for it
Cust: Can you get me the green version of this one? (holds up the Andorra)
EM: I'll check for it for you...
(EM has a look, she can find the coral one but not the green)
EM: I have the coral one for you
Cust: No, I don't like the feel of it...
EM: Ok
Cust: (holds up the nude Melody again) Does this come in any other colours?
EM: Yes, black and white
Cust: Awww... I wanted two...
EM: We can always mail order the other one for you?
Cust: I can order it at home, I don't live near here.
EM: (wants to tell her ordering in store is freepost but cant be arsed as she's a fucktard) Oh, ok...
(Later in the stock room)
JH: There is a woman out the front who wants to see the Andorra in black in a 38E
HS: I'll take one to her... (Has a look) We dont have one! (goes out to see cust) Hi, we dont have the bra in that size, as you just wanted to see it shall i get any size for you to look at?
Cust: No, I wanted that size to buy it
HS: Oh, we can mail order it upstairs for you
Cust: No, I don't live here, I'll order it online
HS: If you do it in store, it's freepost to your house
Cust: Oh, I see... (cust turns and talks to her partner)
(EM is stood behind the desk making a wanking hand gesture by her crotch so the cust doesn't see)
HS: alright EM, stand down...
(HS then walks into the changing rooms so that EM can see her but the cust can't see her and gestures that she's wanking a four foot penis)
EM: Sure
Cust: (Shows EM her Andorra she has on) I think its a bit small
EM: Yes it is... What size are you in?
Cust: This is a 38E so Whatever size is next
EM: Sure I'll have a look
Cust: I dont want anything pointy, I have had Fantasie and I dont like the shape, this one is nice but (starts patting the top of her boobs which are not in the cup) but I dont like this, I don't do cleavage. Have you got any other styles? I've got this one (holds up the Fantasie Belle) but it's too pointy..
EM: Ok, I'll have a look...
(EM goes into the stock room and picks out a bigger cup in the Andorra and also the Fantasie Esme)
Cust: Oh no! I don't like that (points at the Esme) I might be old but I want something pretty
EM: Ok, I brought this as it's a Fantasie...
Cust: I don't want Fantasie, I want Panache because it's round...
EM: And this one is round...
Cust: No, have you got anything else?
EM: I'll go and have a look for you
(EM goes off and comes back with the Panache Melody full cup and the Tango II balconette)
Cust: (looks at Tango II) thats quite pretty (looks at Melody) that is like the fantasie ones... do they come in any other colours?
EM: Melody comes in black, white and nude and the Tango comes in black, white, nude and a coral
Cust: can I see the coral one?
EM: I'll have a look for it
Cust: Can you get me the green version of this one? (holds up the Andorra)
EM: I'll check for it for you...
(EM has a look, she can find the coral one but not the green)
EM: I have the coral one for you
Cust: No, I don't like the feel of it...
EM: Ok
Cust: (holds up the nude Melody again) Does this come in any other colours?
EM: Yes, black and white
Cust: Awww... I wanted two...
EM: We can always mail order the other one for you?
Cust: I can order it at home, I don't live near here.
EM: (wants to tell her ordering in store is freepost but cant be arsed as she's a fucktard) Oh, ok...
(Later in the stock room)
JH: There is a woman out the front who wants to see the Andorra in black in a 38E
HS: I'll take one to her... (Has a look) We dont have one! (goes out to see cust) Hi, we dont have the bra in that size, as you just wanted to see it shall i get any size for you to look at?
Cust: No, I wanted that size to buy it
HS: Oh, we can mail order it upstairs for you
Cust: No, I don't live here, I'll order it online
HS: If you do it in store, it's freepost to your house
Cust: Oh, I see... (cust turns and talks to her partner)
(EM is stood behind the desk making a wanking hand gesture by her crotch so the cust doesn't see)
HS: alright EM, stand down...
(HS then walks into the changing rooms so that EM can see her but the cust can't see her and gestures that she's wanking a four foot penis)
Skin condition
HS: I need some moisturizer, I'm starting to feel like a leopard... WHAT! HP has cursed me!
EM: What?
HS: I'meant to say lizard, she said leopard by mistake one day...
(EM gets HS some moisturizer and HS puts some on her face but leaves it without rubbing it in)
HS: Hello, I'm spunk face and will be your fitter...
EM: What?
HS: I'meant to say lizard, she said leopard by mistake one day...
(EM gets HS some moisturizer and HS puts some on her face but leaves it without rubbing it in)
HS: Hello, I'm spunk face and will be your fitter...
Sunday, 20 May 2012
That's a big difference
(cust is trying on a strapless bra)
EM: It's a bit big on the back... The cup looks ok so I get a 32f for you
Cust: ok
(EM gets it and then comes back, cust puts it on)
Cust: what size is this... Did you say a 32j?
EM: ... This one goes up to a h...
Cust: is this one a j
EM: it's a 32f
Cust: oh...
EM: It's a bit big on the back... The cup looks ok so I get a 32f for you
Cust: ok
(EM gets it and then comes back, cust puts it on)
Cust: what size is this... Did you say a 32j?
EM: ... This one goes up to a h...
Cust: is this one a j
EM: it's a 32f
Cust: oh...
First phone call sets the tone for the day...
(On the phone)
EM: Hello, how can I help?
Cust: Yes, I'm looking for a top, a white shirt, a white shirt I can wear with a skirt... what have you got?
EM: Well, we only have one white shirt thats formal at the moment...
Cust: What does it look like?
EM: It's a white short sleeved style with a manderin collar and a ruffle down the front...
Cust: A ruffle?
EM: Yes
Cust: Is it a big ruffle?
EM: well it's about an inch and a half, but its a pleated ruffle...
Cust: So it's like a mans dress shirt?
EM: No, its a pleated ruffle not a wavy one...
Cust: I dont know what that is, sounds strange... does it lie flat?
EM: Yes it does
Cust: I dont know if that is too fussy, do you like it?
EM: I think it's fine, but it will depend on your personal taste as some people love it but some think its too much...
Cust: Is it a V-neck?
EM: It is, but due to the collar shave it's not a wide V but it does stop just above the boobs
Cust: Does it button up or do you pull it over your head?
EM: Buttons...
Cust: Yes, I think it's going to be too much... do you have anything else thats not white?
EM: We have a blue long sleeved shirt...
Cust: Is it long sleeved?
EM: Yes
Cust: Why don't you do short sleeved ones any more, you used to do lots of them, in different colours. The sleeves are long and they have lots of buttons... they always have this fussy double cuff....
(EM is silent)
Cust: What about casual ones?
EM: We have one that is designed to be worn over skirts, trousers and jeans. It's linin and its more of a tunic style
Cust: Is it buttons or pull on over your head?
EM: Pull on over your head
Cust: No, the white one, do you have any cardigans you can wear with it?
EM: Yes we have two cardigans in at the moment...
Cust: What do they look like?
EM: we have a coraslone which is fairly casual and we have a navy one which has cut-work detailing
Cust: Cut-work, what does that mean?
EM: It's like broderie fabric with...
Cust: It's embroidered?
EM: No, its like broderie where its got cut-out parts
Cust: I dont understand
EM: Broderie Anglaise just in a knit?
Cust: Oh yes! And is that all over?
EM: No, it goes down half way and on the sleeves and then it's a ribbed knit at the bottom
Cust: Why do they do that, it sounds very odd... so it emphasises your boobs?
(EM is silent)
Cust: Is it a V-neck?
EM: Yes
Cust: What about the coral one?
EM: It's a plain coral
Cust: Is it dusky coral or a pinky coral?
EM: It's quite pink
Cust: I see, is it a V-neck?
EM: Yes
Cust: Do you like both of them?
EM: Yes I do, I love knitwear but it depends on your tastes...
Cust: The navy one could you wear that with a skirt? Does it flare out under the broderie part?
EM: You can wear it with anything, it depends on your personal style, but its fitted on the bottom half
Cust: It sounds like something you would have in a lighter fabric and wear in the bedroom. Why would you want to draw attention to your boobs?
EM: Thats really the whole point of our range, to show off your figure...
Cust: I dont mind that with shirts but not cardigans... I think I'll leave it... bye...
EM: Ok...Bye...
EM: Hello, how can I help?
Cust: Yes, I'm looking for a top, a white shirt, a white shirt I can wear with a skirt... what have you got?
EM: Well, we only have one white shirt thats formal at the moment...
Cust: What does it look like?
EM: It's a white short sleeved style with a manderin collar and a ruffle down the front...
Cust: A ruffle?
EM: Yes
Cust: Is it a big ruffle?
EM: well it's about an inch and a half, but its a pleated ruffle...
Cust: So it's like a mans dress shirt?
EM: No, its a pleated ruffle not a wavy one...
Cust: I dont know what that is, sounds strange... does it lie flat?
EM: Yes it does
Cust: I dont know if that is too fussy, do you like it?
EM: I think it's fine, but it will depend on your personal taste as some people love it but some think its too much...
Cust: Is it a V-neck?
EM: It is, but due to the collar shave it's not a wide V but it does stop just above the boobs
Cust: Does it button up or do you pull it over your head?
EM: Buttons...
Cust: Yes, I think it's going to be too much... do you have anything else thats not white?
EM: We have a blue long sleeved shirt...
Cust: Is it long sleeved?
EM: Yes
Cust: Why don't you do short sleeved ones any more, you used to do lots of them, in different colours. The sleeves are long and they have lots of buttons... they always have this fussy double cuff....
(EM is silent)
Cust: What about casual ones?
EM: We have one that is designed to be worn over skirts, trousers and jeans. It's linin and its more of a tunic style
Cust: Is it buttons or pull on over your head?
EM: Pull on over your head
Cust: No, the white one, do you have any cardigans you can wear with it?
EM: Yes we have two cardigans in at the moment...
Cust: What do they look like?
EM: we have a coraslone which is fairly casual and we have a navy one which has cut-work detailing
Cust: Cut-work, what does that mean?
EM: It's like broderie fabric with...
Cust: It's embroidered?
EM: No, its like broderie where its got cut-out parts
Cust: I dont understand
EM: Broderie Anglaise just in a knit?
Cust: Oh yes! And is that all over?
EM: No, it goes down half way and on the sleeves and then it's a ribbed knit at the bottom
Cust: Why do they do that, it sounds very odd... so it emphasises your boobs?
(EM is silent)
Cust: Is it a V-neck?
EM: Yes
Cust: What about the coral one?
EM: It's a plain coral
Cust: Is it dusky coral or a pinky coral?
EM: It's quite pink
Cust: I see, is it a V-neck?
EM: Yes
Cust: Do you like both of them?
EM: Yes I do, I love knitwear but it depends on your tastes...
Cust: The navy one could you wear that with a skirt? Does it flare out under the broderie part?
EM: You can wear it with anything, it depends on your personal style, but its fitted on the bottom half
Cust: It sounds like something you would have in a lighter fabric and wear in the bedroom. Why would you want to draw attention to your boobs?
EM: Thats really the whole point of our range, to show off your figure...
Cust: I dont mind that with shirts but not cardigans... I think I'll leave it... bye...
EM: Ok...Bye...
Saturday, 19 May 2012
Rat society
HS: the customers are turning on them selves!
EM: what?!
HS: this woman just said to someone 'can you move... Please' (pause) actually I don't think she even said please...
EM: holy fuck...
HS: I'm going, so I'll leave you with those bitches
EM: great...
(later)
EM: one of them told another one to move
KJ: when they are angry they either take it out on the shop worker or each other
EM: in a crazy way, we are paid to take it. It's just fucking funny when they turn on each other... It's like a rat society. If there is to many the society collapses...
(later)
HP: it makes us look like saints 'excuse me!' 'pardon me!'
EM: what?!
HS: this woman just said to someone 'can you move... Please' (pause) actually I don't think she even said please...
EM: holy fuck...
HS: I'm going, so I'll leave you with those bitches
EM: great...
(later)
EM: one of them told another one to move
KJ: when they are angry they either take it out on the shop worker or each other
EM: in a crazy way, we are paid to take it. It's just fucking funny when they turn on each other... It's like a rat society. If there is to many the society collapses...
(later)
HP: it makes us look like saints 'excuse me!' 'pardon me!'
CounterStrike
EA: just to warn you there are loads of ladies out there...
HP: urgh, come on EM, let's battle those bitches...
HP: urgh, come on EM, let's battle those bitches...
Friday, 18 May 2012
Challenge
MO: Have you got it in for me today?
EM: No, why?
MO: She wants a strapless as she is getting married next month
EM: Really?
MO: That's what I thought! She wants a strapless...
EM: Oh...
MO: And she's wearing a 48H already
EM: (laughs hysterically) A 48H!?
MO: You may mock! When I got in that room I though 'EM I'm gonna brain you!'
EM: Well, if you weren't so efficient!
MO: we don't do a strapless up to a 40 do we?
EM: (shakes head) Nope...
MO: Oh, it just gets better... she's never going to get them in this.... Her dress maker has told her to get a strapless bra
EM: Her dress maker needs to incorporate iron bars in her dress to hold them up
EM: No, why?
MO: She wants a strapless as she is getting married next month
EM: Really?
MO: That's what I thought! She wants a strapless...
EM: Oh...
MO: And she's wearing a 48H already
EM: (laughs hysterically) A 48H!?
MO: You may mock! When I got in that room I though 'EM I'm gonna brain you!'
EM: Well, if you weren't so efficient!
MO: we don't do a strapless up to a 40 do we?
EM: (shakes head) Nope...
MO: Oh, it just gets better... she's never going to get them in this.... Her dress maker has told her to get a strapless bra
EM: Her dress maker needs to incorporate iron bars in her dress to hold them up
Spoilt brat
Custs Mum: That one is nice... (points to the Primrose bra)
Cust: I wouldn't wear that! It's something a 50 year old would wear!
Custs Mum: What about the other one you saw in the book?
Cust: No, it's grannified! This is stressing me out...
Custs Mum: See this is why I had mine cut off, now I can get my bras anywhere (the one she was wearing was clearly too small for her and really badly fitting)
(Later)
Cust: (has the Deco on in a 28G) I need this in a GG...
JH: I'm sorry, it only goes up to a G in a 28 back...
Gust: I NEED A GG!
JH: They don't do that size
Custs Mum: Do you have anything in a 28GG?
JH: Yes, we have lots...
Cust: I wouldn't wear that! It's something a 50 year old would wear!
Custs Mum: What about the other one you saw in the book?
Cust: No, it's grannified! This is stressing me out...
Custs Mum: See this is why I had mine cut off, now I can get my bras anywhere (the one she was wearing was clearly too small for her and really badly fitting)
(Later)
Cust: (has the Deco on in a 28G) I need this in a GG...
JH: I'm sorry, it only goes up to a G in a 28 back...
Gust: I NEED A GG!
JH: They don't do that size
Custs Mum: Do you have anything in a 28GG?
JH: Yes, we have lots...
Support issues
Cust: I've got this bra from you and I want another one... (pulls out an old Fantasie soft cup)
EM: That one has actually been discontinued
Cust: Really? Oh, that is upsetting to hear that, do you have a replacement?
EM: (shows her the catalogue) We only have this one in white (Royce Charlotte) but this one is lacy like yours but it's only in black or pink (Panache Sophie) there is this one in ivory though (Royce Sadie)
Cust: (points to the white one) And is this cotton?
EM: No
Cust: (reads the description) Cotton elastine... I don't suppose mine was cotton anyway... Soft cup? Do you have anything more supportive?
EM: Soft cup just means no wires...
Cust: Is that what mine is?
EM: Yes
Cust: Ok I'll try this ivory one
(Cust later comes back upstairs)
HS: How did you get on?
Cust: Ok, do you have anything with more support?
EM: Is it a soft cup you want?
Cust: Yes... Is that what I've got?
EM: Yes
Cust: Ok, I'll take it...
EM: That one has actually been discontinued
Cust: Really? Oh, that is upsetting to hear that, do you have a replacement?
EM: (shows her the catalogue) We only have this one in white (Royce Charlotte) but this one is lacy like yours but it's only in black or pink (Panache Sophie) there is this one in ivory though (Royce Sadie)
Cust: (points to the white one) And is this cotton?
EM: No
Cust: (reads the description) Cotton elastine... I don't suppose mine was cotton anyway... Soft cup? Do you have anything more supportive?
EM: Soft cup just means no wires...
Cust: Is that what mine is?
EM: Yes
Cust: Ok I'll try this ivory one
(Cust later comes back upstairs)
HS: How did you get on?
Cust: Ok, do you have anything with more support?
EM: Is it a soft cup you want?
Cust: Yes... Is that what I've got?
EM: Yes
Cust: Ok, I'll take it...
Addictive
(EM is eating caramel Snack-a-Jacks)
EA: can I have one?
EM: yeah
EA: (has a bite) they are really good! can I have another one?
EM: sure! I love them, they satisfy my sweet tooth without being full of crap
EA: they are really morish... what are they called?
EM: Snack-a-Jacks...
EA: they should be called Snack-a-Crack...
EA: can I have one?
EM: yeah
EA: (has a bite) they are really good! can I have another one?
EM: sure! I love them, they satisfy my sweet tooth without being full of crap
EA: they are really morish... what are they called?
EM: Snack-a-Jacks...
EA: they should be called Snack-a-Crack...
Cursed
HS decided that she was cursed one day after:
Trapping her finger in a door
EM moving the kick stool in her way just as she was walking around the corner
She couldn't read BT handwriting and took out the wrong bikini
BT then phones down and tells her not to worry
Hits her hip on a cupboard door
Trapping her finger in a door
EM moving the kick stool in her way just as she was walking around the corner
She couldn't read BT handwriting and took out the wrong bikini
BT then phones down and tells her not to worry
Hits her hip on a cupboard door
Lost in translation
(A foreign cust is waving frantically at JH)
JH: EM, can you help this lady?
EM: Hi, how can I help?
Cust: (pointing to a bra) 38...C
EM: Oh, we only stock D cups and above...
Cust: C
EM: All of our bras start at a D
Cust: C
EM: No C's here
Cust: (makes a C shape on the catalogue EM is holding) C
EM: (draws a D) D
Cust: D?
EM: Yes
Cust: (pulls a face) Oh... (starts looking through the bras anyway)
(Cust leaves and then half an hour later comes back in)
Cust: C?
KM: We just start from a D
Cust: (makes C shape in the air) 38 C
KM: No, no C's
Cust: No 38?
KM: No, we do a 38 but no C's
Cust: C
KM: D
Cust: D?
KM: Yes
JH: EM, can you help this lady?
EM: Hi, how can I help?
Cust: (pointing to a bra) 38...C
EM: Oh, we only stock D cups and above...
Cust: C
EM: All of our bras start at a D
Cust: C
EM: No C's here
Cust: (makes a C shape on the catalogue EM is holding) C
EM: (draws a D) D
Cust: D?
EM: Yes
Cust: (pulls a face) Oh... (starts looking through the bras anyway)
(Cust leaves and then half an hour later comes back in)
Cust: C?
KM: We just start from a D
Cust: (makes C shape in the air) 38 C
KM: No, no C's
Cust: No 38?
KM: No, we do a 38 but no C's
Cust: C
KM: D
Cust: D?
KM: Yes
What do you say to that?
VG: (pointing to a navy dress) This is so you, it's really old lady goes to a tea party style...
MO: oi! you fuckhead!
MO: oi! you fuckhead!
It's all lies...
(EM phones HS)
EM: You know that Primrose bra in a 30gg? Did you have a look upstairs for it?
HS: No...
EM: Baaaggghhhh!
HS: She said she looked...
EM: (whispering) Customers lie
HS: ok, 30g, 32f, 30j, hello? what are you doing up here? 30h, ooohh... 30gg...
EM: I'll come up and get it...
EM: You know that Primrose bra in a 30gg? Did you have a look upstairs for it?
HS: No...
EM: Baaaggghhhh!
HS: She said she looked...
EM: (whispering) Customers lie
HS: ok, 30g, 32f, 30j, hello? what are you doing up here? 30h, ooohh... 30gg...
EM: I'll come up and get it...
NASA
(cust goes downstairs, EM phones JT to tell her and JJ takes cust through for a fitting)
JH: (on the phone) she's a bit of a space cadet that one!
EM: yeah?
JH: she told JJ she was giving her a trial...
JH: (on the phone) she's a bit of a space cadet that one!
EM: yeah?
JH: she told JJ she was giving her a trial...
Should work at Apple
HS: I've broken the fitting sheets!
EM: what!?
HS: it's frozen...
EM; ye gods...
(EM and EA check the computer)
EA: has anyone logged off yet?
EM: I don't think so... (turns to BT) I've double clicked it, just see what happens, you might need to switch it off and on again...
(later)
EM: BT fixed it!
EA: oooh! Did she switch it off and on again?
EM: yeah
EA: there you go, who thought of that? I am a genius!
EM: what!?
HS: it's frozen...
EM; ye gods...
(EM and EA check the computer)
EA: has anyone logged off yet?
EM: I don't think so... (turns to BT) I've double clicked it, just see what happens, you might need to switch it off and on again...
(later)
EM: BT fixed it!
EA: oooh! Did she switch it off and on again?
EM: yeah
EA: there you go, who thought of that? I am a genius!
Mountain
(KM is putting the mountain of strapless bras away, EM walks into the stockroom carrying more)
EM: I've got some more for you
KM: ohhhhhh!
EM: (surveying the sea of strapless bras all over the floor) shall... Shall I just chuck them on the floor?
KM: yes!
EM: I've got some more for you
KM: ohhhhhh!
EM: (surveying the sea of strapless bras all over the floor) shall... Shall I just chuck them on the floor?
KM: yes!
No hugs
(EA, HP and HS are in the stockroom)
EA: I want a HP and HS sandwich!
(HS leaves the stockroom)
EA: owww, that's a no then...
(EM walks in the stockroom)
EA: I don't want her...
EA: I want a HP and HS sandwich!
(HS leaves the stockroom)
EA: owww, that's a no then...
(EM walks in the stockroom)
EA: I don't want her...
Gaffer tape?
Cust: (trying on a strapless bra) can you help me? I've got this on and it's not doing nothing. What I want is this (heaves boobs together)
EM: ok, I'll go and grab you another one (goes to stock room and comes back with the Freya Deco)
Cust: the bra I wear is a 38d from Triumph, I know that they don't all come up the same so that's why this one is a 34dd... What about these bits? (pokes at fat hanging over the band of the bra)
EM: (slightly horrified) everyone gets that if it's firm enough to stay up...
Cust: what about the front?
EM: it's looking a bit small as you are coming over it a bit...
Cust: I don't mind that as I want cleavage...
(cust didn't have cleavage, she had four boobs)
EM: ok, I'll go and grab you another one (goes to stock room and comes back with the Freya Deco)
Cust: the bra I wear is a 38d from Triumph, I know that they don't all come up the same so that's why this one is a 34dd... What about these bits? (pokes at fat hanging over the band of the bra)
EM: (slightly horrified) everyone gets that if it's firm enough to stay up...
Cust: what about the front?
EM: it's looking a bit small as you are coming over it a bit...
Cust: I don't mind that as I want cleavage...
(cust didn't have cleavage, she had four boobs)
Velociraptors
JH: there was a right bitch outside, she could see we weren't open and she kept saying (puts on a really snooty voice) 'bloody hell, it's just not good enough'
(later)
JH: there are more women throwing themselves at the door...
(later)
JH: there are more women throwing themselves at the door...
Fucked up 'Guess Who'
KM: (on the phone) there is a lady downstairs who wants a specific fitter, I don't know if you have seen her?
EM: (on phone) no, I'll go and find her...
(later)
EM: hello, how can I help?
Cust: who is doing your fittings today?
EM: there is MO, MR and JH...
Cust: I was fitted here before and I have great confidence in the fitter. I've been to other shops and have had a terrible experience so I thought I would come back here... I can't remember the ladies name... Isn't that awful...
EM: no, that's fine...
Cust: I'd know her if I looked at her...
EM: can you remember what she looked like?
Cust: she is in her mid forties, I don't know if she actually is thought. She doesn't look as young as you girls... Is she available for any sessions?
EM: all our fitters today could be described as that... Do you know what colour hair she had?
Cust: it was short... Black?
EM: that would be MR then...
Cust: no... It wasn't black... Light hair...
EM: blonde then?
Cust: yes... Is she free?
EM: both JH and JJ are blonde. JJ is not here today though. JJ is short and JH is tall... So can you remember how tall she was?
Cust: short...
EM: right, that's JJ...
Cust: oh, has she been here long?
EM: since we opened...
Cust: is she avaliable?
EM: no, she's off today...
EM: (on phone) no, I'll go and find her...
(later)
EM: hello, how can I help?
Cust: who is doing your fittings today?
EM: there is MO, MR and JH...
Cust: I was fitted here before and I have great confidence in the fitter. I've been to other shops and have had a terrible experience so I thought I would come back here... I can't remember the ladies name... Isn't that awful...
EM: no, that's fine...
Cust: I'd know her if I looked at her...
EM: can you remember what she looked like?
Cust: she is in her mid forties, I don't know if she actually is thought. She doesn't look as young as you girls... Is she available for any sessions?
EM: all our fitters today could be described as that... Do you know what colour hair she had?
Cust: it was short... Black?
EM: that would be MR then...
Cust: no... It wasn't black... Light hair...
EM: blonde then?
Cust: yes... Is she free?
EM: both JH and JJ are blonde. JJ is not here today though. JJ is short and JH is tall... So can you remember how tall she was?
Cust: short...
EM: right, that's JJ...
Cust: oh, has she been here long?
EM: since we opened...
Cust: is she avaliable?
EM: no, she's off today...
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Nipples
Cust: I've got this bra but when I put it on you can see my nipples
HS: ok, well we could try something moulded?
Cust: I dont need any padding...
HS: It's not padded, it's a thin layer of foam to try and prevent nipple show through...
(HS gets the bra from the stock room and sees EM in there whilke she's getting it)
HS: you know that woman who doesnt like her nipples showing... she has peirced nipples. Your always going to see them... but she doesnt want padding.
EM: does she mean that she wants something you can't see through?
HS: no... She wants moulded...
EM: errr... Don't have pierced nipples then
HS: ya think!
HS: ok, well we could try something moulded?
Cust: I dont need any padding...
HS: It's not padded, it's a thin layer of foam to try and prevent nipple show through...
(HS gets the bra from the stock room and sees EM in there whilke she's getting it)
HS: you know that woman who doesnt like her nipples showing... she has peirced nipples. Your always going to see them... but she doesnt want padding.
EM: does she mean that she wants something you can't see through?
HS: no... She wants moulded...
EM: errr... Don't have pierced nipples then
HS: ya think!
Valid point
EM: Theres a girl who looks about 18 who has just asked if her Mum can come through with her, her mum looks about 70...
JJ: It's like the woman from Newmarket who had a baby at 60
EM: That's nice, when the kids 20 she will probably be dead... breed 'em young!
VG: He might be the person who finds a cure for a disease! It's not the parents it's the person he is... (EM pulls a 'really? you believe that shit?' face) and... Fuck you!
HS: Ooh, great argument there...
JJ: It's like the woman from Newmarket who had a baby at 60
EM: That's nice, when the kids 20 she will probably be dead... breed 'em young!
VG: He might be the person who finds a cure for a disease! It's not the parents it's the person he is... (EM pulls a 'really? you believe that shit?' face) and... Fuck you!
HS: Ooh, great argument there...
Tattoo
Cust: (holding up some bikini bottoms) Have you got any other styles of theses? These ones are quite thin...
EM: oh, I'm not sure, I can go and have a look for you...
Cust: Yeah, I've got a tattoo on my bottom and you can just about see it, I'm worried that if they get wet they will go see through...
EM: sure, I'll go and have a look...
(EM finds EA and tells her the sorry tale)
EM: I was just thinking the entire time 'Why the fuck have a tattoo on your arse then?'
EM: oh, I'm not sure, I can go and have a look for you...
Cust: Yeah, I've got a tattoo on my bottom and you can just about see it, I'm worried that if they get wet they will go see through...
EM: sure, I'll go and have a look...
(EM finds EA and tells her the sorry tale)
EM: I was just thinking the entire time 'Why the fuck have a tattoo on your arse then?'
Cottaging with angry pirates...
JJ: (randomly) I know what dogging is!
EA: Right... do you know what cottaging is?
JJ: ...no...
EM: I can't remember either...
EA:...no, neither can I... Do you know what an angry pirate is?
EM: Covers one eye) arrrghhh!
JJ: What?! oh is it... (laughs)
EA: It's when you spunk in someones eye and then kick them in the leg.. (covers one eye and hops on one leg) arrrrggghhhh!
JJ: Oh my god! (laughs uncontrollably)
EM: Why dont we 'Bing' cottaging?
EA: Your going to google cottaging on the work computer?!
EM: Yeah... (Finds web page) there we go... it's when guys have anonomus sex in a toilet... so George Michael went cottaging...
EA: It's not as bad as I thought...
JJ: I could do that in Brighton... there will be loads going on there!
EA: I think your missing the point...
JJ: I could go and watch...
EA: If you snuck into the mens loos you could...
JJ: With my binoculars and my cup of tea!
EA: Just dont look through any holes!
EM: otherwise you would be an angry pirate!
EA: Right... do you know what cottaging is?
JJ: ...no...
EM: I can't remember either...
EA:...no, neither can I... Do you know what an angry pirate is?
EM: Covers one eye) arrrghhh!
JJ: What?! oh is it... (laughs)
EA: It's when you spunk in someones eye and then kick them in the leg.. (covers one eye and hops on one leg) arrrrggghhhh!
JJ: Oh my god! (laughs uncontrollably)
EM: Why dont we 'Bing' cottaging?
EA: Your going to google cottaging on the work computer?!
EM: Yeah... (Finds web page) there we go... it's when guys have anonomus sex in a toilet... so George Michael went cottaging...
EA: It's not as bad as I thought...
JJ: I could do that in Brighton... there will be loads going on there!
EA: I think your missing the point...
JJ: I could go and watch...
EA: If you snuck into the mens loos you could...
JJ: With my binoculars and my cup of tea!
EA: Just dont look through any holes!
EM: otherwise you would be an angry pirate!
Heavy
(three stools are being delivered, one guy is carrying two of them. The other guy is carrying one)
EA: are they heavy?
Man: no, do you think he would be carrying two if they were!
EA: I dunno, he might be built like a brick shit-house...
EA: are they heavy?
Man: no, do you think he would be carrying two if they were!
EA: I dunno, he might be built like a brick shit-house...
Monday, 14 May 2012
War Lord
HS: BHS has put this woman in a 40DD and it looks awful...
EM: Really?
HS: Yeah, I think that she is probably about a 36F
EM: Jesus...
(Later)
HS: A 36GG
EM: What?!
HS: Yep, I hate BHS for doing that to her, she thought that there was something wrong with her and thats why the bra and then herself looked awful... I want to do something to BHS...
EM: You could get them to bite the kerb (Then makes a stamping movement)
HS: Ahhhhhh! (puts her hands up to her mouth!) have you not seen American History X!
EM: Yeah (smiles)
HS: My friend and I would always say we would kerb stomp people or organisations that were shitty, then we saw the film and realised its the worst thing you can do!
KJ: (Just hears the end of the conversation) What? Whats going on?
HS: I told EM that I hated BHS and she suggested kerb stomping them!
KJ: Whats kerb stomping?
EM: when you get someone to bite the kerb...
HS: And then you stamp on their head
KJ: (her hand flies to her mouth) Oh my God!
VG: What now...
(HS explains it again)
HS: It would kill them
EM: Teeth first...
VG: (to EM) Your insane!
EM: Have you only just realised!?
VG: No, I knew...
HS: EM is so passive aggressive...
EM: You could do it with fluffy slippers on...
VG: Hello, have you seen the size of me, they would still die...
HS: EM is like some gangster mob...
KJ: a War Lord...
EM: Really?
HS: Yeah, I think that she is probably about a 36F
EM: Jesus...
(Later)
HS: A 36GG
EM: What?!
HS: Yep, I hate BHS for doing that to her, she thought that there was something wrong with her and thats why the bra and then herself looked awful... I want to do something to BHS...
EM: You could get them to bite the kerb (Then makes a stamping movement)
HS: Ahhhhhh! (puts her hands up to her mouth!) have you not seen American History X!
EM: Yeah (smiles)
HS: My friend and I would always say we would kerb stomp people or organisations that were shitty, then we saw the film and realised its the worst thing you can do!
KJ: (Just hears the end of the conversation) What? Whats going on?
HS: I told EM that I hated BHS and she suggested kerb stomping them!
KJ: Whats kerb stomping?
EM: when you get someone to bite the kerb...
HS: And then you stamp on their head
KJ: (her hand flies to her mouth) Oh my God!
VG: What now...
(HS explains it again)
HS: It would kill them
EM: Teeth first...
VG: (to EM) Your insane!
EM: Have you only just realised!?
VG: No, I knew...
HS: EM is so passive aggressive...
EM: You could do it with fluffy slippers on...
VG: Hello, have you seen the size of me, they would still die...
HS: EM is like some gangster mob...
KJ: a War Lord...
Welded
EM: There are loads of CD's here, do you want any of them before I throw them out?
KJ: oooh, what is there?
HS: Franz Ferdinand... Retro...
KJ: The Strokes... Oh, theres no CD... ABBA gold! I'll have ABBA gold!
(KJ opens the case, theres is a random CD in there and another one lying on top of the sleeve insert)
KJ: This is actually stuck to the case... look... It's rock solid (shows HS)
HS: Is it? Lets have a go...
(KJ returns to rummaging through the CD's)
KJ: I'm not sure I like all the dust, I think I'm going to leave it... (Turns to look at HS who is pulling a strained face and wrestling the CD off the sleeve) Oh my God! I'm going, this is an accident waiting to happen, I can't look...
HS: (Finally wrenches it off the sleeve) Here we go! ABBA Gold!
KJ: (looking at the paper encrusted CD) Is it even ABBA Gold?
HS: I don't know, lets have a look (starts pulling the paper off)
EM: I think thats like that because it got wet in the flood...
KJ: oooh, what is there?
HS: Franz Ferdinand... Retro...
KJ: The Strokes... Oh, theres no CD... ABBA gold! I'll have ABBA gold!
(KJ opens the case, theres is a random CD in there and another one lying on top of the sleeve insert)
KJ: This is actually stuck to the case... look... It's rock solid (shows HS)
HS: Is it? Lets have a go...
(KJ returns to rummaging through the CD's)
KJ: I'm not sure I like all the dust, I think I'm going to leave it... (Turns to look at HS who is pulling a strained face and wrestling the CD off the sleeve) Oh my God! I'm going, this is an accident waiting to happen, I can't look...
HS: (Finally wrenches it off the sleeve) Here we go! ABBA Gold!
KJ: (looking at the paper encrusted CD) Is it even ABBA Gold?
HS: I don't know, lets have a look (starts pulling the paper off)
EM: I think thats like that because it got wet in the flood...
I said it because I hate you
Cust: what size is this one now?
JJ: its a 34 GG
Cust: oh, you horrible woman!
JJ: its a 34 GG
Cust: oh, you horrible woman!
Worms
KJ: HS asked me earlier if I was alright as I have a giant lump on my face... I was all 'yes I'm fine thank you' I'm paranoid about it enough...
EM: thanks for brining it up...
KJ: yeah...
EM: (Loud enough so that HS can hear) It's ok, HS has worms...
HS: OI! I heard that!
EM: thanks for brining it up...
KJ: yeah...
EM: (Loud enough so that HS can hear) It's ok, HS has worms...
HS: OI! I heard that!
Hungry?
HS: I'm sooo hungry! I had five cookies yesterday, I'm never usually hungry but now all I want to do is eat... maybe I'm pregnant?
EM: Or you have worms?
HS: What?!
EM: That's what my Mum always used to say to me if I had a lot to eat, 'Have you got worms?!'
(Later)
HS: OI! Have you been telling everyone I have worms?
EM: I told people that you either were pregnant or had worms...
EM: Or you have worms?
HS: What?!
EM: That's what my Mum always used to say to me if I had a lot to eat, 'Have you got worms?!'
(Later)
HS: OI! Have you been telling everyone I have worms?
EM: I told people that you either were pregnant or had worms...
Sunday, 13 May 2012
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